Sunday, December 13, 2009

A Terrible Journey into the Demon Infested Kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

So anways...Bah. I am like a gaming crackhead. I have been trying to avoid buying more games since I have little money coming in for myself, but stupid deals break down my defenses. is having a deal where all used games get you free shipping. So I bought Star Wars Battlefront ($12 complete) and Nascar Thunder 2004 (Don't laugh, it was for testing purposes. It was said to have a secret LAN mode that only shows up after you enter a code. I tried it and it works. It was only 4 bucks for a complete copy)

Soon after this, shamestop (gamesuck...gamestool...lamepool...tamedrool ...gameslop...lameslop...flamingplop...LOL, fine ok gamestop) sent me a sinister email declaring that the cruel and oppressive giant corporation was having a buy 2 get 1 free deal on used games. I felt like I was entering into a hostile place, a place rivaling the evil and hostility of the feared kingdom of Boleteria (If you get this reference to this PS3 game you are awesome) The trip to this terrible store of tortured games (who have been ripped of their dignity, their covers and manuals tossed away, leaving them naked, violated, confused. Now they are trapped in a horrible existence, stitting in generic plastic prisons created by the Gamestop corporation.) started out ominously. Their was a great rainstorm that made me have to drive extremely slowly and the roads were all but deserted. It seemed as if the general populice sensed that something was wrong about this gloomy night and hid away to protect their lives.

Once I arrived at the parking lot of this terrible establishment I had to walk swiftly from my car through the relentless pouring rain. This journey was only about 50 feet, but I was drenched to the bone after completing the brisk walk. Before even entering this death dealing gaming shop, I saw , to my horror, 2 sections of shelving sitting outside the store. As the distance between them and I inevitably shortened, I realized that my worst fears had come true. Contained on these shelves were nearly half of this merciless store's Playstation 2 stock. These poor wonderful contributions to the rich history of gaming were placed outside in a horrendous rainstorm with only a small part of the roof covering them from above. I examined these unfortunate fellows and as I had feared nearly all of them were completely drenched. The cases, cover art, and game manuals were all covered in foul smelling water. The proud identities of these games were fading from existence as the ink that made up the manuals and cover art ran off the paper...

I rummaged through the wounded and dying games. I knew most were too far near gaming death and I had to ignore their eery pleading stares and rescue the few games that were only mildly injured from the rain. I grabbed a few that were not yet mortally wounded and were able to be healed with some wipes from my sweater.

Emotionally scarred from the insane watery genocide I had witnessed, I stumbled into the store with my few liberated games. The warmth and dryness of the privileged games in this store only made my rage grow about their gaming brothers who were left for dead just feet away. But I realized I mustn't blame these fortunate games. It was not their fault, but the fault of the evil regime that ran this domain. I gathered up a stack of these dry games and brought them to the counter, a place where many poor games are sold into slavery by their Jack Ass owners. The strange creatures that stood behind this counter looked up at me. While looking into their blank stares, I informed these monsters about the condition of the games outside in the storm. They shrugged and said management told them to do that. So, these 2 masses of flesh in front of me were merely the footsoldiers of a stronger and hidden force...

A Gamestop Employee

A Gamestop Employee Emerging from A Refreshing "Sleeping" Period

These pawns of the gamestop corporation went about their task of finding the game discs for the cases I had brought to them. After a very long time, one of these teenage minions informed me that one of the game cases I had brought them had no disk behind the counter. "SUCH CRUEL TRICKERY", I thought to myself. But I restrained from voicing my rage, realizing this game was beyond saving and I should focus on saving another. I went and picked out another Playstation 2 game and brought it back to these evil employees. After yet another extremely long amount of time, this miniature satan informed me that once again the game for the case I had brought had apparently vanished. "These games are suffering so much that they must be escaping themselves", I thought. "But, without their artwork and manual, they would not last long in the outside world. A lone disc is a vulnerable object in the hostile realities of this bleak world." Again, I cautiously glanced through the store, hoping to find another video game to set free. I found a gameboy advance game and brought it back up to the counter. While operating the cash register, one containing a collection of cash earned through the annihilation of once noble games, I saw a box full of "$1.99 and under games". I looked through the dozens of EA sports and madden games, my expression changing to let these games know that even though they had committed their own atrocities towards gamers in the past, not even they deserved to be presented in paper sleeves like this.

I tried to connect with these strange beings behind the counter by nervously conversing with them. Saying, " I have never seen so many Madden games in my life" while pointing at the box of $1.99 and under games. The amoral employee let out a horrible laugh and said " I wish we could sell all the PS2 games in paper sleeves like that" Immediately, vomit rose up in the back of my throat. I realized that these former normal human beings had lost all traces of humanity now and were but empty shells dealing out the torturous destruction delegated to them by the rulers of the kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

All I could think about was getting out of this repuslive location, while the gamestop minion babbled on and on about taking a survery and being entered into a raffle for some dirty blood-soaked money. After my receipt was handed to me, I walked out of the store. I am a changed person. I shall never forget the things I saw this day. My grateful liberated games will always remind me of why I must avoid this place for as long as I can. But deep down I know, that there is a sick dark side of me that may overtake my sensibilities and con me into returning once again....

Games Liberated From The Kingdom of Gamestoptaria



Alien Hominid

Sega Classics Collection

Medal of Honor Frontline

Onimusha 2: Samurai's Destiny

Max Payne

Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven


Konami Collector's Series: Arcade Advanced

Classic NES Series: Castlevania

I may have hated the cruelty of this sick twisted kingdom of Gamestoptaria , but I am no angel or similar bird-like dead guy. I sold HAZE to these monsters. I hated the game so much that I have commited this terrible atrocitiy in order to ensure the game has a long period of unbearable torture at the hands of Gamestoptaria's demons.

Hopefully though, the unprecedented terribleness of HAZE can slowly eat away at the foundation of this vile kingdom, causing it to one day collapse on top of itself from the rapid manner in which the ASSHATical disease contained in HAZE has spread.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A Vile Rant About Haze (PS3)

So.... I bought a used copy of Haze for PS3 on Black Friday for 8 dollars. I knew it was going to bad, but I thought reviewers were just punishing the game for the hype with their very low reviews. Free Radical, the developers, have made some of my favorite First Person Shooters ever (Timesplitters Series), so I felt like I had to feed my curiosity and see if it was true that such awesome developers could really make something so many people hate with a deep passion.

Well I played this game 5 or 6 hours and I could not stand any more of it. After coming to the realization that spending any more time with this game would make me vomit and crap myself uncontrolably, resulting in a very unpleasant and smelly death, I talked to this crazy guy on msn (Nosferatu1922) who I frequently talk with about my gaming adventures. I had mainly got this game so we could play it's online co- op mode.

I was going to make a big huge rant just for my blog, but after making this spontaneous one in msn I was too drained and discombobulated to write another.

I also should note I woke up at 5 am this morning and had 4 hours sleep before that. Sleep deprivation always leads to my most scholarly and G-rated blogs doesn't it?...

Some Spoilers about the TURDgame Haze are in this rant, so you have been warned.

Also, since I am sleep deprived in this, very angry at wasting 5 or 6 HAZEY POOPNUGGETY hours of my life playing this... I say a lot of random and potentionally offensive crap. So you have been warned about that too lol.

This Rant has lots of cursing and potentially offensive and hilarious junk in it. So, read at your own risk people.

*help says (11:36 PM):
*wow haze...
*the single player is terrible

*ive played a few more hours
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:37 PM):
*fucking boring as hell
*there was like 20 mins of the game when it was intersting when u switch sides, but thats it
*im near the end I think
*moving a fucking retard missle
*i hope im almost done
*i wont be able to play this shit online co op
*its terrible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*we shall make it interesting
*with backstabbing goodness
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its fucking as bad or worse than army of 2...
*free radical....
*where u on crack
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*bull shit
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its bad man
*really bad
*i wanted to like it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:39 PM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:39 PM):
*its fucking repetiive, and the gunplay is just boring
*ugh free radical has betrayed me
*this game
*imagine if I paid 60 for it haha
*I would commint a mass murder
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:40 PM):
*we need to at least try it
*also i dont think your even close to the end
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:41 PM):
*if your moving the missle...
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:42 PM):
*i think your about 1/2 way
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:49 PM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*im halfway....
*dear zombie jesys
*i give up
*fuck this game
*it shall be sold back
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:29 AM):
*would you like one of these ---->
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*yeas that is what i mean
nosferatu1922(tpfp) is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "Come On!". Show in Panel: Show
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*i hate this more than army of 2 i think
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*no way in hell am i playing the co op
*fuck this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*we need to at least try and play haze in coop
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*fuck it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*its terrible
*I refuse sir
*its too bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*I would rather put a pineapple up my ass then play any more of this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*you aint no hitler >.>
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*but man
*this is soo bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*whats so bad about it
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*I thought people were exagerating
*its so fucking shitty
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*its a reletively average shooter
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*boring ass repetive combat
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*pretend your playing it on the ps2
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*long pointless walks to artificially lengthen the game
*no sprint
*so you walk even slower
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*fucking 2 enemy types...
*boring ass weapns
*boring ass everything
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:32 AM):
*the only cool part was when he trips out and shoots up the mantel people
*after that its just awful again
*I am sorry to say this but free radical deserved to go bankrupt after making this fecal berry
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:33 AM):
*okay, lets go burn our copys of tsp3 then
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:33 AM):
*no fuck that, you know what I mean
*their money problems were warranted
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*this game was total ass in video game form
*not good ass
*stink 500 pound hairy stretch mark covered ass
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:34 AM):
*so more cushin for the pushin?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*man this game
*its as bad as soldier of fortune payback
*army of 2 was better
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*what the hell
*you need to calm down
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*ughhhhhhhhhh you dissapoint me free radical
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*it was average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*I must go exectue an innocent money now as revenge
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*its was bad
*below average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*it wasnt unplayable or broken
*but it was boring as hell
*its like a 5.5 out of 10
*6 out of 10 max
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:36 AM):
*you need to crank up the difficulty then
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*maybe, but even then it would be boring as hell
*their is no strategy to the combat
*just run at them and hold down the trigger or wait for them to do the same to u
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
*2 enemy types??!?!?!
*boring as hell
*crappy ass vehicle handling
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
*well lets play coop
*or tommarowazcdjaklfn
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "M16"
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*I will put a bullet in my skull before that occurs
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*yes we will be shooting people with guns in the game
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*I am selling this game back as soon as possible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*did you even play multi?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*it was meh
*wasnt terrible
*but not good either
*was just a nade spamfest and teamkill fest
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*and the mantel trooper just rape the rebels every time
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*i only played like 30 mins of a team mode
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
*rebels allways ussually wins
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*but I really have no interest to try it anymore
*lets just wait until i get cod5 , then we can online co op
*because this shit is shit
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:40 AM):
** Come on!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:40 AM):
*lol I am mad I payed 8 dollars for this
*it is worth 1 dollar
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*coop is worht 7 more dollaersz
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*and that is only for the meh multiplayer
*that single player
*i cant imagine co op being fun
*same shit game
*just with 2 people now
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*4 peoplez
*on insane mode
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*so, now its just a crowded shit game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*with flamethrower
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:42 AM):
*stop defending this game, deep down in your evil cold black heart you know this game is a steaming pile of rancid horse maneur
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*heh, you care if I post this in my blog
*THis convo
*about my hatred for the game
*I was going to rant about it in the blog
*but already did it ehre
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
*i say its an average shooter and with the price you pay for it nowadays makes for a great experienc
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*I refuse
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*hey so u care if ur im name is in my blog, since your paraonid in all
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:44 AM):
*i say its better then halo 1 & 2 PUT TOGETHER
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*or I can change your name to something else like "retardwholikeshazeforsomestrangereaston"

If you made it through this vile trash.... You are a very strong willed person and deserve a treat. Well it is also just as vile lol. But you know the risks of reading my blog, so I blame only YOU.

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Wacky Week

I don't know if you guys noticed , but in my last blog I mentioned that I found mold under my window in my room. I was at first trying to convince myself that it was just a scuff mark or some dirt, but later that day I looked at it more closely and realized that it was for sure mold, and it was over a humongous section of my wall. The more walls of the room I checked, the more mold I found. It was even in my closet. You know that wooden legged table that my TV sat on in my gaming setup blog?? Its back legs were covered with mold, and I had to throw it out. Apparently mold is no new problem in this neighborhood. The buildings are townhouses, meaning they are long connected sections of apartments. They have flat roofs mostly. But even worse, the sections of the buildings that have normal triangular roofs are usually attached right behind or to the side of the flat roofs and they are like a story higher. This means that all the water runs off of the high up triangluar rooves and stays on top of the flat ones. The designers of this neighborhood deserve repeated kicks in the nads for this "brilliant" design.

The mold was really bad, so I had no choice but to move my ass out of there as quick as possible. The next day I managed to get all my stuff out and am living back with my parents until the semester is over in a month. I now get to spend 2 hours each way commuting to school. I take a boat for one hour and then a train for another hour 2 times a day now. I have to wake up at 5 am 2 days a week! That is usually when I go to sleep lol.

Anyways, I live (well lived) in San Francisco, one of the few cities that puts a lot of focus on its public transit system. Even a city that cares about its public transit system still manages to have an unreliable and piece of crap one. I can only imagine what the public transit in other cities must be like.

I SEE NO EVIDENCE TO VALIDATE YOUR CLAIMS!! You may be thinking to yourself angrily. Well, like I have mentioned in previous blogs, keep your damn pants on! I will give you some proof.

Well perhaps this guy should find some new pants.

The second day of commuting to school, the trains broke down. I had to take a shuttle bus instead, wasting an additional hour of my time. Fast forward to 12 hours later, I am going to start my trip back home. I assumed they must have fixed the problem and the trains would be up and running. They still weren't. Luckily, someone just returned from dealing with the crappy shuttle busses and informed me that the trains were still broken before I took that route

Teleport your mind 2 days forward. Shockingly, the trains actually work on my way to school. Although the trains had no mechanically problems, my particular train was invaded by a lone zombie hobo. I kid you not. As the train was nearing the school, I heard a weird grunting noise. I looked around the train and could not figure out where it came from. About 15 seconds later, I could hear another slow grunting noise and located its source. It was some old guy, with bloodshot eyes, pinkish/black humongous bags under his eyes, and a thin layer of white colored beard stubble. He had a small duffel bag, so I was not sure if he was a homeless guy, simply a crazy lad that wandered onto the train, or somebody high on some type of drug or model airplane glue. Once the train stopped I had my answer, but until then I got the treat of hearing

"aargh. aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghaarrrrrrgh. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"

for the next 5 minutes.. As soon as the doors of the train opened when reaching my stop, this interesting character promptly marched himself over to the nearest trashcan and started digging around in it. I hope he found something nice. If he really was a zombie though, he would be disappointed since there were probably no brains in there.

On the way back from school, in the middle of the train trip the driver pulled to a stop and informed everyone to get out. He had no real reason just that his superiors told him to do this. We all had to get out and wait for the next train, while our previous train put up a sign "not in service" and slowly slinked away in the opposite direction. While this only cost me another 10 minutes, it was very annoying because it occurred during rush hour. I had actually managed to get a seat on the first train, but since the driver kicked us all out, on the next train I had the privelage of standing up on it for 40 more minutes. I have to carry a backback full of various school related crap, so it becomes quite heavy.

Well I should not just focus on the negative I guess. This new train I had to get on at least allowed me to experience something interesting. As we pulled into my stop, the train driver announced the stop in a Donald Duck style voice ( If you have no idea who Donald duck is… ) , continuing to make duck sounds for a few seconds after he announced the stop lmao.

Oh google image search, you teach me so many wonderful things. How else would I know that Elton John dressed up as Donald Duck at a concert?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Just Checking In (Randomness)

I seem to have a pattern of posting a blog at least once a week. This time it has been over 2 and I have had nothing very interesting to blog about. So thought I would just say random crap happening to me and on my mind. I am sleep deprived and operating on 5 hour energy right now, so who knows what this blog will devolve into.

1. "(8:33:48 PM) ME: my bucholtz cannot contain the power of the flatulence caused by this mysterious potion
(8:34:08 PM) ME: the pandoras box of poo gas has been unleashed onto the cosmos!!!!"

I just really said this to someone seconds ago. 5 hour energy gives me gas.... Bucholtz is apparently a real town in Germany (sick freaks lol). This was discovred in Call of Duty 2: Big Red One on Playstation 2. It is one of the multiplayer maps. That particular map is pretty bad actually. One might even say it stinks....

When I typed Bucholz Germany into Google, this joker popped up.This guy should invest in a better fitting sweater.Why is his tongue out? His tongue should not be out. Buchholz + Scary German Guy with tongue out = A website I would never want to see, but the site probably is extremely profitable.

I am delighted to find out that buchholz is also the name of Red Sox Player LMAO. I want to be on his team. I could say "HEY, Buchholz get your head out of your ass!" or "Buchholz focus on your defense. Do not let any balls get past you!"

That jersey is suprisingly clean for someone named after such a vile region of human anatomy. I guess he did not want to reinfore stereotypes of buchholzesess being low in the hygiene depatment.

I wish I was enrolled at this school so much...

2. I recently have been watching random 1990s cartoons on Youtube. Such shows as "Gargoyles" and "Life with Louie" were watched alot by me as a kid. Shockingly these 2 cartoons are still entertaining to watch a decade later.

3. I have seen the worst television show EVER MADE. This travesty of a show is called "The Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!". Look. I like stupid humor. I like randomness. This show is soooooooo stupid and soo random that it is unwatchable and completely lacks anything funny. Please do not subject yourself to this terrible show. If you find this show funny I lose all respect for you as a person. I will never be able to understand the handful of people who think this show is some new revolutionary masterwork of sketch comedy. In reality it is a low budget show where 2 idiots wander around drooling overthemselves and make their show terrible because that is their whole joke. They make their parodies of stupid crap just as stupid and craplike as the things they are parodying. That does not make a good show. It is not clever. It is just stupid and craplike. This show makes me angry just thinking about it.

The anger I just experienced from thinking about this show at least made me momentarily forget about the gas attack I am fending off. This is the first positive thing I can say about the show.

4. I realized I am a procrastinator and that will never change. I waited until 7 hours before my history ****to start writing a 6 page paper. It was a book review of 2 secondary sources. I got it done and it turned out pretty well, but damn why must I stress myself out for no reason like this. O well.

5. I have put in over 60 hours into Demon Souls on PS3 in 2 weeks. That game is addicting. Level 5 in it is cheaply designed and made me dissapointed in the game since the rest of the game was fair and well designed.

6. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 on playstation 2 is insanely fun for some reason. I dislike skating in real life. But this game is very fun. I played it for many hours this weekend when I should have been getting ahead on that previously mentioned 6 page paper. I really like wallriding for some reason. Do people do that trick in real life? "Let's just ride my skateboard on a wall for no reason..."

7. It looks like the window in my room leaks water. It looks like there is mold underneath my window now. I think I will ignore it.

8. I recently got this shelf liner thing. It amazes me. I layed it down on top of my microwave, so my glasses and other things up there won't slide off and break. That thing works so well. You literally cannot slide any flat object layed on it. It is like some bizarre magic.

9. I watched that Dirty Jobs show on Discovery Channel for the first time. That host annoys me a bit. He tried ridiculing a supervisor on that show that he had never met before. He just kept making lametastic jokes that all the supervisor does is sit on his butt drinking cappuchino's. I find it funny and lame because he is just trying to appear to be an "average joe" like the workers on the show. Really, this guy probably makes tons of money and is more like that supervisor. Perhaps he is having pyschological trouble with this and needs to lash out at those resembling his income level lol. I don't know what I am talking about lol.

10. Mythbusters on the other hand is freaking awesome. They shot a frozen chicken out of a air cannon. It broke straight through 12 panes of glass. But, a thawed chicken could only break 2 panes of glass. Poor fellow. Also, the bigger guy on that show has a huge mustache. It bothers me. It always is scattered in different directions and is not symmetrical. I think it needz a trim. He reminds me of that old cartoon character guy with the giant red mustache. I cannot remember his name. He had a cowboy hat and thick eyebrows as well. Was he a cowboy? I don't know. Somebody fill me in on this. I think he was in some shows with bugs bunny. Was he texan? I think he was a short fellow.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My First RPG Since Pokemon Yellow On Gameboy

I have never really been much of a rpg guy. It is not that I didn't like them, but I just thought it would take too much time and energy to get into them. My ps3 had been sitting around collecting dust for a few months and I felt like I needed to finally buy another ps3 game to put an end to that situation. I got a 25 dollar gift card to gamestop and had a very hard time deciding which new ps3 game I should get because I know I will not be buying another for a very long time. It was between Red Faction: Guerilla, Valkyria Chronicles, and Demon's Souls. I could not decide at all between the 3 so I just went into the shamestop to pick on the spot.

Crapstop made my decision easy because for Red Faction: Guerilla the only copies they had were the "new" ones where they violated the game by wripping off the plastic and taking out the discs. I refuse to buy "new" games.

The only copy of Valkyria Chronicles they had (was there the week before) was now gone too.

So, they had sealed copies of Demon's Souls and I picked one up. Although, I had to ask them for a sealed copy. The guy went and found one and then said "How come you want it sealed? Do you plan on never playing it? This really pissed me off. I said "well if I am going to pay full price for a game I want a copy that isn't already opened by your employees."

Anyways, I started playing it last night and played it about 6 hours last night and 4 hours so far today. It is very addicting and well worth the purchase in my opinion. I am a RPG noob, but even this games difficulty does not put me off very much. I think people greatly exaggerated the difficulty of this game. This game is about as hard as a good NES game, meaning there is lots of trial and error/pattern memorization. But, the difficulty is not cheap. When you die it is because you messed up.

I am still suprised I am liking a RPG so much haha.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pictures of My Psychotic Gaming Setup

I finally got a digital camera. Well, I kind of did. I just got a new cell phone with a camera phone in it. I never have had a real digital camera, just a few cheapo keychain digital cameras.

But yea, anyways I tooks some pictures of my gaming setup. Right now I currently have my NES,SNES,N64,GC,PS2, and PS3 all connected to my tv (pc moniter for the ps3) and all the consoles are plugged into an outlet and are ready to be played at a moment's notice. This results in the huge mess of wires you see below. There was lots of meticulous planning involved in the setup of my consoles, despite the tangle of wires left as as side-effect.

This monster of wires and electronics is concentrated in one corner of my room and along basically this entire wall. To the right of this photo you can see 2 surge protectors (just about every outlet is full on them). Not shown in the picture, but located to the right of these wires is my computer desk. I decided to be a maverick and store my computer on it lol. I connect my ps3 to use my pc moniter and PC speakers. My PC moniters is a 19 inch widescreen moniter. It gets hd quality about at 1080i, but since lcd moniters and hdtvs have different resolutions the image is stretched by about 11 percent vertically. I don't really notice this much. It still beats out sdtv by miles.

Moving to the left from the last photo slightly, you can see my 20 inch sdtv. It is nothing special, but is good enough for me right now. It was a budget model (did I really have to tell you?) from bestbuy that I bought 2 years ago. Weirdly enough, it has no headphone jack, yet has 1 set of component inputs. I use that to make my ps2 games look awesome on it. Although, I do wish my tv also had svideo inputs, since svideo cables are usually way cheaper for consoles than component are.

Also in this photo you can see my composite/svideo switch box. This awesome thing lets you plug in 4 composite inputs or svideo inputs and connect it to one composite or svideo jack on your tv. Even better, this model automatically switches to whatever device is turned on and makes it show up on your tv. So, I do not have to get up and manually slide a switch to play different consoles. I just turn on my console and tv and this sexy little box does the rest. O yea, I bought a second and it is on the other side of my tv lol. My tv has 2 sets of composite ins so one switchbox is plugged into each one.

Thos blue and yellow chords you see all over the place are all my internet chords. My ps3, ps2, and gc are all hooked up for online play. They connect to a switch located right behind that composite/svideo switch box.

O yea and that table that my tv is sitting on... 10 bucks from a thrift store. It is not particle board either. It is made from real wood and had a nice glass top. Hells yes for thrift stores

AAAAAAAH!!! A SNES NINJA! Where did he come from? How does he maintain his balance on top of that precarious top-of-tv ledge????

I shall tell you the secret ways of the SNES ninja. My SNES has figured out how to defy the laws of gravity! Well, not really. You see, on the bottom of the SNES there are a bunch of circular indendations where the screws are located. What I did was take a cheap black papermate pen cap and wrap it in scotch tape. Then I just crammed it up in one of the holes where the screw sticks in. This way the pen cap is attached to the SNES and hangs over the front of the tv, so the SNES cannot slide back. It allows us to enjoy many chuckleable laughs at the puny force of gravity which we have totally owned. I also stuck a little tape on the bottom of the SNES near the back for some added humiliation of gravity.

Moving further left and past the tv you will find my N64 and NES stacked on top of my plastic dresser drawers. The top of the dresser drawer has a raised edge so the systems are not in any danger of tumbling to their doom. It looks like I have Conker's Bad Fur Day (Contains the most evil teddy bears ever) stuck in my N64 and a bunch of random crap stacked on top of and around my NES lol.

Getting tired from this grueling 12 foot journey from the one corner of my room to the next ? Well too bad.

At the far left of the tv is my closet. Why I am I showing you my closet? Notice anything unsual or video game related about my closet? You don't? Well, that is ok buddy. It is very well hidden. Discretely covering the front of my closet door is a shoe holder. It works great for keeping my gaming stuff in an accessable location since I am really short on space in this tiny room. At the top, you can see I keep my PS2 controllers, NESc controllers, and SNES controllers. At the bottom all those squares are my entire NES collection which fit nicely in these pockets. You only see about half of the door and shoe organizer in this picture. Lower down I have more NES games, a bunch of n64 games, some SNES games, and a N64 controller stuck in this thing. The only downside to using this is that my closet door cannot close all the way because the hooks are too big at the top of the door. O well.

Well that is it. That is everythi...

Hey! What about your PS2, and GC you sneaky jerkbooger!

Fine, I will show you my genius setup for them. Just keep your pants on lunatic.

WELCOME MORTALS to my electronic batcave located under my tv.

This setup took a lot of planning out. In the back there is my printer and my vcr stacked on top of it. This is so low and far back underneath the tv that it is completely hidding when you are standing in the room. However, when laying on my bed the remote reaches my secluded vcr very well. My printer opens up on the front and that grey flap extends and lays flat in front of it for about a foot. I have to lift it over the GC, and it has about an inch clearance over the top of the PS2 and its wires. If I move either my PS2 or GC backwards or sideways at all it will block my printers, so I layed down tape on the floor to mark where the corner of each console should be located.

The 2 cylinder things at the front are just containers of blank cds and dvds. They are just serving as weights to hold that rolled up black tshirt in place. No, I am not punishing the t-shirt. I layed it there on the floor to act as a bumper to lint and other crap that likes to creep across the floor and terroize my consoles.

I know some of you may be on the verge of insanity from peering into the madness that is my console setup, but fear not I have provided some relief.

Watch some cars get totalled in my Burnout 3 video for PS2. There is also a short (made in microsoft paint ) extremely crudely animated intro at the start of this video.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Zombie Killing in Timesplitters Future Perfect

Time For Some Zombicide.

Here is a new zombie survival scenario I created using Timesplitters Future Perfect's mapmaker. It is similar to the last one, but works a lot differently. You get to shoot harpoons through zombies faces . I also was very very bored yesterday and made a creepy cool intro to the video. The photo is actually an altered version of me made to look like some disturbing zombie thing. Sorry for the emotional scarring it may cause you.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

New Youtube Video (I promise it is not like the last one LOL)

**Warning** Excessive Awesome Gore

Soldier of Fortune Gold Gameplay on PS2

I am sorry for that video from my last blog. I truly am. Although people's reactions were hilarious. I even made a thread on's forum about it haha.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Is Cloning Human Beings A Moral Thing To Do ?!?!?!?

Meh, who cares.

All I know is that is sure is fun to kill me some clones.

In State of Emergency on PS2 that is.

**Warning tons of cloney gore in these videos**

Happen to notice that the second video's quality is like 50 times better than the first? Well, that is because I found a tutorial video on youtube that told me how to setup my capture device's software the best way. Now my 10 dollar usb capture device (Easycap) works as good as a high end one. Now all my gorey videos will be even more vivid!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Metal + Video Games = MindGasm



I like heavy metal a lot.

I like video games a lot.

I was on youtube a week or 2 ago and found this.

Holy crap. Awesomeness.

I went nuts after finding this and favorited like 20 8-bit remixes of Metal songs. You can find them in the favorites part of my youtube channel.

I also found this cool site that lets you rip the audio off of youtube videos so you can download it.

Hells yes.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

College Is Taking A Dump In My Mind

I have not been able to play any games on my consoles in over a week!

School started for me only about a week ago. Yet, since then I have been doing nothing but going to class and doing homework all day until I pass out at night. This has been happening every single day since school started. I am not even being lazy and procrastinating. If I do not get at least 80 pages of reading done in a night I will fall so far behind that it will be impossible to catch up with the readings for my classes.

me every day this week (well I am about 75% paler and have only worn a dress shirt maybe 5 times in my life)

Looking at the syllabuses for my classes, I realized that I would be following this same schedule for the entire semester...

Plus, there are fun things like projects and exams that would make the workload even more unbearable.

I think that I have to drop a class and take 12 units instead of 15. In order to graduate in 4 years you basically need to take 15 units every semester. If I kept all my classes this semester I would just spontaneously combust randomly mid-semester.

UGH though. If I drop a class I will have to be in college 1 more semester, meaning that my student loan will cost even more. But dammit! why do all these college professors act like they are the only class you are taking! 70 pages is the max that should be assigned for a 2 day time period. Yet, 2 of my professors like to increase that to 100 pages or more.

I am already losing my mind from a week of this tedious bull shit. Half the readings I force myself to get through are mentioned for 5 mins in the class. WTF, if the reading is not important for the class why do I have read 70 pages of it!!!!

Plus, this is all before I have even had to do any work for my history seminar course. This course basically involves a crapload of readings or a paper due every week. Plus I will need to write a 12-15 page paper for the class this semester.

I can feel myself turning into a crazy cat, delirous donkey, mental monkey, overworked ostrich, grumpy goose, pissed-off panda, enraged emu, because of all this stupid crap.

Like a dung beetle, I feel surrounded by shit

All work and no play....

leads to RED RUM!!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A Great Weight Has Been Lifted From My Shoulders...

NO, I was not decapitated. Although it would be pretty impressive if I managed to operate a computer and type an emmy -award winning blog (hey, the ps3 won an emmy for its controller, I kid you not Proof ) without my noggin.

The weight that was removed was a bunch of mind-numbingly bad video games.

If you are not a jerk / jerkette, perhaps you rember this blog?

I sold off Soldier of Fortune: Payback quite awhile ago, but still had Madden NFL 06 for ps2 until today / yesterday (it is 3 am so technically it was yesterday, but still feels like the same day, you know what I am saying my fellow insomniacs? You Dont? Well Sir / Maam, you must be quite the poopsicle / poopsiclette !)

So, anyways... I visited a local / independent gaming store in San Francisco today. It is called star games and opened up last year. I just found out about it a few weeks ago and was eager to support a game store that wasnt owned by an evil corporation (*cough* gamestop and gamecrazy *cough*)

I had a backpack full of turd-like games that I needed to dispose of. They included these marvelous contributions to the gaming world! ( Intense Sarcasm)


Back to the Future 2 and 3

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?

WWF WrestleMania


(I also brought excitebike. It is not bad but I already have the gba version)


Superman (Surely the greastest game ever made??? )

WCW Mayhem



Silent Scope

Socom (Not Trash like these other games, but I could not get into it.)

These craptastic games were cluttering up my apartment and I had decided to get rid of them once and for all. I thought that the guys / guyettes at this store would not buy back these terrible games, but I was wrong. They gave me 3 bucks a piece for about all those terrible nes games. They only gave me 1 dollar for some because they already had too many copies of them.

Also, Prepare yourself...

They Gave me money for this....

Look at his face! Even he is angry to be in this game! He even put a giant S on his chest which means "SUCKS"

Superman on N64

I received $3 dollars for this game. I still cannot believe this. I feel a little guilty to tell you the truth. I feel like I strangled an unsuspecting puppy or something. But o well, perhaps someone will buy it from them (bahahahahahahahahahah)

The guy said he couldn't take my copies of Socom and Madden NFL 06 for ps2 because they were too scratched (they sure were, thank you so much hollywood video customers) The thought of taking Madden NFL 06 back with me made me vomit a little in my mouth.

I started sweating profusely and felt lightheaded. My body could not handle that outcome. It seemed like it was revolting at the mere idea of me keeping that game. If I did keep it, I fear my body would refuse to function anymore. So, to save my own life I said "Well, you can have Socom and Madden Nfl 06 as a donation". I am so generous...

I am free of the curse of these wretched games! Unfortunately for this independent game store, Star Games now has both Madden NFL 06 and Superman on N64. I wouldn't at all be suprised to hear in the news that their store had spontaneously combusted ,or that an angry mob of video gamers had burned the store to the ground, or that having those 2 games in that store caused a portal to another dimension to open up ( a dimension where the only games ever made are Superman 64 and Madden NFL 06 ...)

Monday, August 17, 2009

When Rugs Attack! (I am lucky to be alive...)

I had the most epic battle of my life tonight. 2 ill-tempered rugs entered my room. I needed to tame these wild linty beasts and put them on my floor. They did not wish for this happen. So, we had to enter a life or death struggle.

My room that I live in is very tiny you see. My stuff was already strung about the room, meaning it would be no small feat to get these massive rug monsters subdued down on the floor.

Rug # 1 was the bigger of the two. He was 4.5 ft by 7.3ft and was rolled into a massive bundle of rugmatter that was as tall as me. He was straight from the horrifcly sinister store called walmart and was bold and fearless because of it. He had never been forced to lie on the floor with some guy's furniture on top of him and he was not about to let this happen without a fight. He was a mysterious rug as well. His label read "Fiber Content: Made of remnants of undetermined fiber content or orgin." Who knows what foul poisons this rug could contain. He could sicken me with poison at any moment's notice (whatever a little unknown fiber content poison is ok for a $15 rug)

But I had no more time to ponder the mysteries of Rug # 1's origins for he was charging at me full speed! The massive fabric monstrosity had been standing up vertically in his rolled up state. He had made the bold move to tip himself over and try to land a devastating blow to my skull. But it was not to be because I dodged his daring advance and he fell to the floor. Like a rug turtle turned upside down, Rug # 1 was helpless and could not stand up again. Seeing my opportunity, I leapt into action. I unsheathed my razor sharp dagger (5 dollar scissors) and sliced open the tape holding Rug # 1 together in his rolled up form. I started moving furniture left and right to clear space for the rug before he regained strength (My plan was to stick Rug # 1 under my mattress, trapping him for all eternity on my floor. My fantasies of toasty warm feet this winter now looked like a reality.). With the furniture moved all that was left was for me to flip the mattress against the wall and hold it up so it did not come down and crush me. If it did, I would be squashed into nothing more than a chunky red goo.

I tried unrolling the rug underneath the mattress but there was not enough room for Rug # 1! He laughed and taunted me, but I was determined to shut this ruggy mother ****ing rug up once and for all. While standing, I leaned over so I was looking at the floor. I pulled the mattress from the wall and put it up on my back. Now I had the extra few feet needed to pull the rug to the wall and seal his fate. However, this mattress was insanely heavy to balance on my back, so I had to move fast. With a few painful and draining tugs on the rug I managed to get him pulled up against the wall. I got the mattress off of my back and slammed it down on the rug. Oh, he stopped laughing now....

Rug # 2's rugjaw dropped. He could not believe his comrade (hey perhaps they are communist rugs) had been defeated. He was much smaller in stature than his fallen rugbuddy, but he made up for his lack of size by being a crazy tough son of a *****.

With the adrenaline still fresh in my veins from my first battle, I turned my attention to Rug # 2. I planned to use this jerk under my table/desk to catch the food that falls off of it when I am dining on my delicious microwavable meals. Knowing that Rug # 2 was a neat freak, I knew he would not take kindly to my plan. He would rather die than live as a food-stained rug!

Wasting no time, I leapt on top of Rug # 2 and held up each leg of the table and slid more of Rug # 2 under it. I moved so fast that Rug # 2 had no time to react and remained motionless. I got him all the way under the table and let the table's weight restrain him. I thought to myself, "that was too easy". I noticed that 2 legs of my table were still on the hardwood floor. Horrified, I realized that Rug # 2 was too skinny for my table !!!!!!!! I came up with a fast plan though. I could slice and dice Rug # 2 until I cut off a large piece of him. Then I could flip him around and my table would fit on part of his dismembered rugcorpse! I got out a tape measure to help me make a straight line and I used a black marker to outline my intended incision zone. I pulled out my trusty dagger ($5 dollare scissors) again. They had helped me defeat Rug # 1 so I was confident in their rug slaying abilities. Even though Rug # 2 was very thick I went to work with my dagger(scissors).

Snip, Snip Snip. I was making slow progress. Suprisingly, Rug # 2 was not crying out in agony like I had expected. He remained eerily silent and I should have realized that something was not right. Oblivious to this warning sign, I continued snipping away at Rug # 2. All of a sudden my dagger's handle (cheap plastic scissors remember?) exploded into countless pieces which flew across my room. Dumfounded, I gazed at my dagger(scissors) and saw that it was now useless. Rug # 2 snickered at me for being so foolish. "No one can cut through me!!!", he boasted. For the moment it seemed like all was lost, but I remembered that the weapons shop was still open even though it was 11 pm! I rushed to the weapons dealer (safeway) to pick up another dagger (scissors). However, I saw something much more powerful than a dagger (Yep,scissors. Did I emphasize that the dagger was a pair of scissors enough? I don't thik I did. THE DAGGER IS A PAIR OF SCISSORS!!!!). At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but they were not. The legendary weapon which had spawned in a mystical garden 1000s of years ago was hanging on a rack before me. I grabbed the pruning shears and headed back to Rug # 2. He was nearly free from the table which held him down and threatened to give me severely bad rug burns once he was free. I told him to shut his lint-filled mouth and whipped out my new amazing weapon. He was speechless because he knew that he was now doomed. I continued slicing along the line I had drawn on Rug # 2. These new pruning shears/ insanely powerful weapon let me cut Rug # 2 in half! Blood and guts (lots of ruggy lint) leaked out of him as the life drained from his fabric...

Drenched in sweat, covered in wounds from my epic showdown with the rug monsters, and glad to be alive, I sat down and played some Punchout on the NES! Punchout really is awesome. Its not quite as epic as my previous tale of rug slaughter, but it's close.

I sincerely apologize for this blog. If you managed to make it all the way through this stupid piece of crap, congratulations you get no reward besides knowing I managed to waste a few minutes of your life! woopee!

I did not get much sleep last night, so perhaps this ridiculous blog was influenced by that, or perhaps I am just a little insane.

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