A Vile Rant About Haze (PS3)

So.... I bought a used copy of Haze for PS3 on Black Friday for 8 dollars. I knew it was going to bad, but I thought reviewers were just punishing the game for the hype with their very low reviews. Free Radical, the developers, have made some of my favorite First Person Shooters ever (Timesplitters Series), so I felt like I had to feed my curiosity and see if it was true that such awesome developers could really make something so many people hate with a deep passion.

Well I played this game 5 or 6 hours and I could not stand any more of it. After coming to the realization that spending any more time with this game would make me vomit and crap myself uncontrolably, resulting in a very unpleasant and smelly death, I talked to this crazy guy on msn (Nosferatu1922) who I frequently talk with about my gaming adventures. I had mainly got this game so we could play it's online co- op mode.

I was going to make a big huge rant just for my blog, but after making this spontaneous one in msn I was too drained and discombobulated to write another.

I also should note I woke up at 5 am this morning and had 4 hours sleep before that. Sleep deprivation always leads to my most scholarly and G-rated blogs doesn't it?...

Some Spoilers about the TURDgame Haze are in this rant, so you have been warned.

Also, since I am sleep deprived in this, very angry at wasting 5 or 6 HAZEY POOPNUGGETY hours of my life playing this... I say a lot of random and potentionally offensive crap. So you have been warned about that too lol.

This Rant has lots of cursing and potentially offensive and hilarious junk in it. So, read at your own risk people.

Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:36 PM):
*wow haze...
*the single player is terrible

*ive played a few more hours
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:37 PM):
*fucking boring as hell
*there was like 20 mins of the game when it was intersting when u switch sides, but thats it
*im near the end I think
*moving a fucking retard missle
*i hope im almost done
*i wont be able to play this shit online co op
*its terrible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*WRONG!
*we shall make it interesting
*with backstabbing goodness
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its fucking as bad or worse than army of 2...
*free radical....
*where u on crack
*?
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*bull shit
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its bad man
*really bad
*i wanted to like it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:39 PM):
*ARMY OF 2 IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST GAME EVAR!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:39 PM):
*its fucking repetiive, and the gunplay is just boring
*ugh free radical has betrayed me
*this game
*imagine if I paid 60 for it haha
*I would commint a mass murder
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:40 PM):
*we need to at least try it
*also i dont think your even close to the end
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:41 PM):
*if your moving the missle...
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:42 PM):
*i think your about 1/2 way
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:49 PM):
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIiK-fVypTo&fmt=5
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*im halfway....
*dear zombie jesys
*i give up
*fuck this game
*it shall be sold back
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:29 AM):
*would you like one of these ---->
*rkewmxn
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*yeas that is what i mean
nosferatu1922(tpfp) is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "Come On!". Show in Panel: Show
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*i hate this more than army of 2 i think
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*no way in hell am i playing the co op
*fuck this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*we need to at least try and play haze in coop
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*fuck it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*WE NEED TO TRY!!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*its terrible
*noooooooo
*I refuse sir
*its too bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*WE SAW ARMY OF 2 TO THE FINISH LETS TAKE THE MASTERS CHALLENGE!!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*I would rather put a pineapple up my ass then play any more of this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*you aint no hitler >.>
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*but man
*this is soo bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*whats so bad about it
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*I thought people were exagerating
*its so fucking shitty
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*its a reletively average shooter
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*boring ass repetive combat
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*pretend your playing it on the ps2
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*long pointless walks to artificially lengthen the game
*no sprint
*so you walk even slower
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*then it BECOMES AMMAZING
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*fucking 2 enemy types...
*boring ass weapns
*boring ass everything
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:32 AM):
*the only cool part was when he trips out and shoots up the mantel people
*after that its just awful again
*I am sorry to say this but free radical deserved to go bankrupt after making this fecal berry
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:33 AM):
*okay, lets go burn our copys of tsp3 then
*THAT WILL SHOW THEM
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:33 AM):
*no fuck that, you know what I mean
*their money problems were warranted
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*this game was total ass in video game form
*not good ass
*stink 500 pound hairy stretch mark covered ass
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:34 AM):
*so more cushin for the pushin?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*lol
*man this game
*its as bad as soldier of fortune payback
*army of 2 was better
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*what the hell
*you need to calm down
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*ughhhhhhhhhh you dissapoint me free radical
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*it was average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*I must go exectue an innocent money now as revenge
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*AAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*its was bad
*below average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*it wasnt unplayable or broken
*but it was boring as hell
*its like a 5.5 out of 10
*6 out of 10 max
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:36 AM):
*you need to crank up the difficulty then
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*maybe, but even then it would be boring as hell
*their is no strategy to the combat
*just run at them and hold down the trigger or wait for them to do the same to u
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
*2 enemy types??!?!?!
*cmon
*wtf
*boring as hell
*ughgghghghghg
*crappy ass vehicle handling
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
*..............
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
*ugghghghghghghghghghghghhghgghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghgh
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
*well lets play coop
*NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWZZZZZZZZZZ
*or tommarowazcdjaklfn
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "M16"
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*no
*I will put a bullet in my skull before that occurs
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*yes we will be shooting people with guns in the game
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*I am selling this game back as soon as possible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*did you even play multi?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*yea
*it was meh
*wasnt terrible
*but not good either
*was just a nade spamfest and teamkill fest
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*and the mantel trooper just rape the rebels every time
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
*bullshit
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*i only played like 30 mins of a team mode
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
*rebels allways ussually wins
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*but I really have no interest to try it anymore
*lets just wait until i get cod5 , then we can online co op
*because this shit is shit
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:40 AM):
** Come on!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:40 AM):
*lol I am mad I payed 8 dollars for this
*lol
*it is worth 1 dollar
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*coop is worht 7 more dollaersz
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*and that is only for the meh multiplayer
*that single player
*uggggggggggggggh
*i cant imagine co op being fun
*same shit game
*just with 2 people now
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*4 peoplez
*on insane mode
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*so, now its just a crowded shit game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*with flamethrower
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:42 AM):
*stop defending this game, deep down in your evil cold black heart you know this game is a steaming pile of rancid horse maneur
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*heh, you care if I post this in my blog
*THis convo
*about my hatred for the game
*I was going to rant about it in the blog
*but already did it ehre
*here
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
*i say its an average shooter and with the price you pay for it nowadays makes for a great experienc
*COOOPZZNLJNLKAN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWZZZ
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*no
*I refuse
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
*YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*hey so u care if ur im name is in my blog, since your paraonid in all
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:44 AM):
*i say its better then halo 1 & 2 PUT TOGETHER
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*or I can change your name to something else like "retardwholikeshazeforsomestrangereaston"

If you made it through this vile trash.... You are a very strong willed person and deserve a treat. Well it is also just as vile lol. But you know the risks of reading my blog, so I blame only YOU.