I have had no sleep for a day. YAY!!!!! you may say! Because despite my suffering this day, you know that a blog is coming that will make no sense in any way.
I have some startling information for those belonging to the distinguished gamer nation. I shall tell you of a snack that I devour twice every 24 hours. While dining on this crunchy, chewy, party in my mouth treat, I automatically become extremely upbeat. Unlike some other edible crud, it holds the power to unleash an orgy of flavor onto every single eager taste bud. This addictive crack-like snack always has me coming back. In fact, until finding this miracle food which always positively alters my mood, I never would have foreseen a more scrumptious way to ingest protein.
I am a deranged lunatic poet? An hour ago I did not even know it.
I am actually having quite a delightful time creating this short wacky rhyme. I cannot think of another word that rhymes with rhyme. Really I lie, because I did already think of butt slime. I thought it was a waste of your time to hear such an immature rhyme. See my laziness is real, for I rhymed the word rhyme with rhyme time after time. My pure perfect laziness is so sublime.
The following conversation may give you a great elation. On the other hand, it could lead to your mind's irreversible devastation. So, in closing, be aware of the consequences of reading the following clas-sy exchange of words, keeping in mind that there will surely be an overabundant mentioning of things relating to turds. My dear blog reading folk, I warn you that this is not a joke. I swear by the beard of Zeus that it is true that this blog will contain an unnecessary amount of mentioning topics pertaining to poo!
Also, remember for the future that I shall never grow mature. My trademark as a sleep deprived lazybum will always be to write nonsense that is random!
ME: arg 5 hour flatulence (<-- means 5 hour energy)
ME: every 30 minutes about I gotta go in the bathroom and let out some wicked loud chains of farts
Rusty Shackleford: can you record this?
Rusty Shackleford: change your name to
Rusty Shackleford: buchholzman
Rusty Shackleford: yes
Rusty Shackleford: i like madden
Rusty Shackleford: it is good
ME: thats rude
ME: no matter how huge and wrinkly he is, he is still a human being of sorts. He is not an it.
ME: lmao if i did record those farts
ME: I could title the video
ME: 5 hour energy review
ME: then just go straight to the farts
Rusty Shackleford: lol
Rusty Shackleford: i think you gotta curb the fecal stuff on your blog
ME: yea lol, i know i realized that too
ME: its starting to get old even too me
ME: theres only so many poo jokes one can make
ME: unfortunately i thought of a new pooword today
Rusty Shackleford: I'm not here right now
ME: i still find that funny
ME: maybe i will switch to pee jokes
Rusty Shackleford: ear wax...
Rusty Shackleford: i hate ear wax
Rusty Shackleford: i had a build up of ear wax when i was a kid
Rusty Shackleford: couldn't hear very well
Rusty Shackleford: then all of a sudden
Rusty Shackleford: the doctor found the build-up
ME: i always dont hear well, well a lot of the time
ME: because allergies makes fluids build up in my ears
ME: unless i take a nasal spray 2 times a day
ME: takes 2 weeks to start working
ME: and allergies randomly fucking start and stop because of the crazy weather
ME: so i just live with it haha
ME: still better than earwax though
ME: i hate picking that out of my ear
ME: its chunky, yet greasy
ME: i hate when a big chunk falls out of your ear randomly sometimes
ME: feels so disgusting
ME: i think i will sneak some earwax into your food
Rusty Shackleford: it hurt like hell when i had it taken out
Rusty Shackleford: it was stuck to my ear canal
ME: ow, how does that happen?
ME: using cutips too much?
ME: i heard that compacts it
ME: i never use it
ME: i use my trusty finger
ME: pinky to be exact
ME: because your not supposed to stick anything into your ear canal
ME: you could easily rupture your eardrum
ME: which would suck turdnuts
ME: picture that
ME: im sorry
ME: poo shall always be funny
ME: i just need to use those jokes in moderation
ME: all on brown assaults of fecal jokes can be overwhelming to the senses i know
Rusty Shackleford: no, it was fairly deep in my canal. it had been there awhile and stuck to the outer wall.
Rusty Shackleford: i didn't do anything to make it happen
Rusty Shackleford: it just grew there
ME: it grew there.....
ME: sounds like a demon
ME: or like a brain parasite
ME: it slowly grew hidden away....
ME: earwax spiders
ME: that would be terrifying
ME: spiders made of earwax
ME: your earwax giving birth to living beings
ME: that crawled out of your ear
ME: ive had 1 hour sleep in the last day so i aplogize for this conversation
Rusty Shackleford: lol
Rusty Shackleford: why the lack of sleep?
ME: wat if you pooed out earwax?
ME: with nuts in it
ME: and corn
ME: and carrots
ME: what else leaves with poo...
ME: i had a midterm
ME: which i think i did horrible on
ME: may be my first d ever on a midterm
ME: its 20 percent of my grade
ME: so i can fix my grade still
ME: but ive really been slacking off this semester
ME: need to buckle down and make myself do all the terrible tedioius reading
ME: holy fucknuts
ME: this conversation is pretty funny
ME: at least to me
ME: since ive had no sleep
Rusty Shackleford: i thought you had been keeping up on the reading?
ME: nah not for this shit thought i could bs the midterm, learned that didnt work too well, maybe my guessing got me a c or b, I am pretty sure I have a d though.
ME: I have never done that in college, gotten worse than a C on a midterm.
ME: Hopefully I pull off a C with my procrastination/slacker powers.
ME: I wont find out for a week.
ME: I am really going to start doing all the reading now though. Means I will be doing like 60 or 70 pages of reading 7 days a week to get everything done.
ME: So will suck sweaty buttcheeks, but I managed to that a year ago when I had an insane workload.
ME: Dude, I got to post this conversation in a blog. Would you like your alias to be HANK HILL? or do you want to change it up a bit? Dale Gribble? Cotton Hill? Soda Popaski?
ME: or "Guywithearwaxfetish"?
Rusty Shackleford: Rusty Shackleford
ME: rusty shackleford
ME: Thy will shall be done.
ME: Great mystical being who manages to get enjoyment out of the Turd and Eric awesome show Buttjob
ME: All Praise and glory be done onto you.
ME: I shall make bountiful offerings of 5 hour energy.
Rusty Shackleford: All praise and glory be done to Tim and Eric
Rusty Shackleford: Masters of lulz
ME: That is not funny. Jokes can only go too far before they get distasteful and offensive. That joke is vulgar. Free Speech only goes so far my friend. That is more damaging than public threatening to bring swift death down upon somebody. You shall be incarcerated now.
ME: O wait though I forgot you are a weird mystical being.
ME: So I shall send kratos after you.
ME: And he will make testosteronely manyells as he rips you in half.
ME: You may be a GOD, but you cannot defend against button mashing.
ME: WTF am I talking about.
ME: I noticed you stopped typing. You are probably just taking this all in.
ME: Watever, enjoy my brilliance.
ME: You know what has been bothering me.
ME: Toilets with motion sensors that flush the toilet.
ME: There are pros and cons to these devices.
ME: People are so fucking lazy that they often dont flush, so these things fix that problem. However, if you happened to hate sitting on bare dirty toilet seats like me, automatic flushers detect the movement of you laying down the paper toilet seat cover so sometimes by the time you finally get to sit down on the can, the toilet thinks yoiu walked out of the stall and flushes and gets your ass all wet with splashback because you were not ready for the plumbingness machine to start its duties up!!!!!!
Rusty Shackleford: hahaha
Rusty Shackleford: that has happened to me
ME: I dont get why people dont flush the toilets though. Use a foot. Thats what I do. So I dont gotta touch the nasty metal handle, and that way I am not a wangbreathed asshat that leaves there smelly urine sitting in the toilet for the next lucky arriving citizen in that defiled stall.
ME: Yea it gets maddening sometimes.
ME: I have had to learn a technique to deal with the stupid motion sensor toilets.
ME: I learned to move super slow motion like when sitting down on the can so it doesnt think I am walking away after a dookie drop. I have nearly perfected this method now and have cut down on surprise mid-crap flushed by like 95%
ME: So fuck you technology.
ME: Bring on the rise of the terminators
ME: I can handle that shit if I can trick toilet robots.
Rusty Shackleford: Terminating your bathroom experience prematurely
ME: Exactly, this is how the terminator beta was tested out. They figured if they could interfere with the most intimate and necessary function of the human body that mankind would implode on itself because it could not handle restroom chaos of this manner.
ME: On the other hand, the evil toilet robots do have some much kinder relatives like the motion sensor soap dispenser, motion sensor paper towel dispenser, and karate chop activated water faucet starter (ok you dont have to do a karate chop but if just feels so awesome).
ME: How come I can write such long rants about bathrooms in like 20 minutes, but I procrastinate on a 1 page paper until 3 hours before its due???
ME: A deep question to ponder.
Rusty Shackleford: you have so much passion for the subject of bathrooms
ME: I am getting hungry though..Frozen Taquitos time??? Or should I go with a 12am bowl of cereal?
ME: I know, but honestly we humans have to spend so much time relieving ourselves of waste, that creating a functioning and pleasant experience while doing so is something that I think should be the focus of all of top scientists in the world.
ME: Why is bathroom talk leading to me getting hungry... never mind dont want to think about that.
ME: TTYL Rusty ShackleTurd. I mean Shackleford. My apologies sir.