Umm yeah. So this a blog. Various stuff and things happened.

I have not felt like blogging in the last 2 weeks even though I have ample amounts of topics to talk about. I did not feel like writing anything though. Deal with it. I cannot help but channel my lazyhoboguy qualities sometimes.

(7:35:57 PM) ME: there was a man
(7:35:59 PM) ME: on the bus
(7:36:05 PM) ME: who was like 40 or 50 maybe
(7:36:09 PM) ME: a fat asian guy with glasses
(7:36:13 PM) ME: he kept repeating 2 words
(7:36:34 PM) rusty shackleford: buchholz and pingas?
(7:37:02 PM) ME: the were muffled and did not sound like english. Perhaps they were a real language but I think he invented his own language. He kept saying something like theydontstop and something that sounded like tabernacle
(7:37:15 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:22 PM) ME: 5 secs later
(7:37:23 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:27 PM) ME: 5 secs later
(7:37:29 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:35 PM) ME: he did this for 12 minutes straight
(7:37:36 PM) ME: OH
(7:37:40 PM) ME: and as an added bonus
(7:37:57 PM) ME: he pulled up his tshirt and scracthed his big fat hairy gut for aabout a third of the ride
(7:38:16 PM) ME: The small wonderful joys of public transit
(7:38:21 PM) rusty shackleford: wow
(7:38:24 PM) rusty shackleford: just... wow
(7:38:32 PM) ME: yae lo
(7:38:37 PM) ME: everyone on the bus was just like wtf
(7:40:40 PM) rusty shackleford: "itellyouwhat...propane..."
(7:41:06 PM) rusty shackleford: you should have started singing the cyberdillo theme
(7:42:00 PM) ME: lol
(7:42:01 PM) ME: i forgot it
(7:42:27 PM) ME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixybLSwI4wE
(7:42:33 PM) ME: heres another video of how tiny my room is
(7:46:14 PM) ME: oooooo nooooo
(7:46:23 PM) ME: that independent game store in my city might be dead
(7:46:24 PM) ME: i hope not
(7:46:32 PM) ME: i called them and it says the number has been disconnected
(7:46:42 PM) ME: i was hoping they sold original xboxs
(7:49:11 PM) rusty shackleford: =/
(7:49:20 PM) ME: i emailed them
(7:49:23 PM) ME: hopefully they are alive
(8:02:10 PM) ME: http://www.destructoid.com/7-eleven-used-games-sales-is-totally-happening-171453.phtml
(8:05:49 PM) rusty shackleford: did you hear ubisoft is getting rid of manuals in games?
(8:06:37 PM) ME: yea....
(8:06:43 PM) ME: http://www.destructoid.com/review-3d-dot-game-heroes-171436.phtml
(8:06:46 PM) ME: oh oh
(8:06:52 PM) ME: this game sounds like what I feared it would be
(8:07:01 PM) ME: too much of a zelda ripoff

So…ya. That happened. It was quite odd.

I have played way too many games since my last blog.

I started playing PixelJunk Eden off of my imported retail copy of PixelJunk 3 in 1 Pack. I really am enjoying that game, well just like pixeljunk monsters the difficulty randomly ramps up to an insane degree about halfway through. It is somewhat spoiling my love for the game. Nevertheless, I like the game's crazy weirdness enough to soldier on and finish the game eventually.

I had an 8 page paper due a couple days ago. I started it about 5 hours before it was due. Bow before my procrastination prowess.

I started watching a bunch of movies on Netflix's online streaming thingamabob. I wonder why people say thingama "bob". Why is this guy so special that his name gets stuck in a word that is meant to describe so many things? Why not thingamaherbert? Oh wait, I understand now. Bob is short for bobby. Bobby Hill. That boy ain't right. But he is the son of a propane salesman…

I tell you what. Boggle. Pegggggggggggy Hilllllllll speaks perfect Espanol.

I watched Taxi Driver. Wow. That movie was amazing. I watched the movie Blow. That movie was not amazing and was all flash and no substance. I watched a documentary called "Heavy Metal in Baghdad" It was about … you guessed it heavy metal in Baghdad. But, it was more than that. It showed the band members' perspectives about living in Iraq in a war zone. I thought it was very well made. I also watched Full Metal Jacket. That was good, but not amazing.

I had been up for a day and was stupid off 5 hour energy when I wrote this blog. I usually put this warning at the start of my blogs. However, in this particular instance I felt like fucking with all of your minds instead. I am enjoying it.

I also played Red Dead Revolver. Boy was that disappointing. No story, repetitive gameplay. No open world. You just go straight from one battle to the next. Gun was a way better game.

I also got in some NES games. I played Double Dragon finally. It is ok. It is kind of a cheap beat em up since the game holds abilities hostage from you until you get certain high scores each playthrough. That gets annoying since your attacks suck at first.

I also started playing Nintendo World Cup on NES. This is freaking fun! It is a not too serious soccer game where you can do crazy ass super kicks and attack other teams' players so much that they will just all start lying motionless in the grass after awhile from the beatings.

I usually put in pictures in my blogs, but I wont this time. Hahah. Take that. No visual breaks for you from the boring looking text.

I finally reordered a Xbox original console. It is coming in the mail. I used to have one but it got stolen from my house a few years back. There is no greater crime to commit to a gamer than stealing the devices that enable his or her hobby. If I ever find out who took it….. I shall have to do unspeakable things to them. Example: I might tie them up. I might chug a 5 hour energy. I might then proceed to unleash the twice hourly fart attacks caused by 5 hour energy into the dirty thief's face.

ERRRRRRRRR what else happened. Oh, I like the show Breaking Bad a lot. It had a very amazing episode last Sunday.

Where the flying (crapping in mid air down on unsuspecting humans) fuck am I going to place that Xbox monster console when it arrives? My room is quite tiny if you remember. I think I may have to throw away my mattress.

Somebody stole my paper towels.

Really.

A roommate here is such a dirty shameless puke face that they actually stole some of my paper towels and used them. Really??? What the truck. Yuck. How freaking cheap are paper towels. WTF. I left out a container of brand new dish soap on the kitchen counter for 20 minutes one time. When I came back half of it was gone…. Somebody actually was such a dirtbag that they stole soap…… They saved it for later apparently. Or they ate it? They probably are that sick if they steal soap. Well soap does smell kind of like fruit and delicious sometimes. Or maybe they took a shower in the sink.

Oh Gamestop makes me madder and madder. The local independent gamestore in my city went out of business. Gamecrazy is going out of business. That sucks.

Here is the internet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-SVbBgQeKQ

My Last 2 Weeks= Puking, Pooping, Pure Hatred for GAMESTOP, and some new games.

Warning: This blog contains graphic talk about turd. Skip over this first section if you are afraid of natural bodily functions.

START OF TURD TALK

So, a lot of interesting stuff has happened since my last blog a couple weeks ago. I went back to my parents' house for 2 days during spring break to visit them. Upon my arrival, we went out to eat at restaurant called Black Angus. It is chain steak house restaurant. I had eaten there many times before so I was not alarmed by the fact that the name of the restaurant would mean "Black Anus" with the subtraction of only one letter G. I did not notice anything significantly wrong while eating the food that this Angus restaurant managed to squeeze out onto my plate. I did not feel sick for the few hours I was awake when I first got to my parents house. All of a sudden at 3am when I was trying to sleep though my stomach starting feeling like an angry midget was inside of it and was thrashing around in a drug fueled rage. I ran to the bathroom and had the most unpleasant type of bowel movement imaginable. The D word,. Diarrhea, aehrraiD backwards. I hoped the unpleasant feelings in my stomach would fade away after suffering through a most atrocious experience on the toilet, but I was very wrong. Every 20 minutes for the next 5 or 6 hours I had to run to the bathroom for countless sequels to the prior explosive diarrhea event.

I finally managed to fall asleep somehow for a few minutes after one of the many diarrhea attacks. But there was one climatic bathroom trip still lurking in the future. I woke up feeling even worse than before. My stomach was going crazy. I barely could make it to the bathroom before that damn diarrhea demanded to be freed. What was even worse…. while sitting on the can I felt a new feeling in my stomach…. a feeling that something was rising in it. I realized quickly that I was going to have puke. I was still sitting on the toilet dealing with the first expulsion of bodily waste. WHAT TO DO! Well there was a small trash can near me so I grabbed it and puked my guts out for 5 minutes straight. I eventually cleaned up and got out of that wretched traumatizing bathroom and slowly made my way to other end of the house and then collapsed on a couch where I slept for a day straight and woke up at 10pm.

I will not be eating out for a very very very very very long time.

END OF RECTAL RHETORIC

GAMESTOP……………………………………………………..

So, I could not resist the lure of the most immoral business in the known universe. Perhaps there is an even worse gaming establishment in existence in the butthole of the universe somewhere, but for now LAMESTOP takes the prize for being the most purely evil video game store in the cosmos. I foolishly went back into one of these sickening manifestations of corporate greed. I should have learned from the many times this chain of game defiling stores has screwed me over, but I was an idiot. I bought 3 games from this wretched buttmerchant. I bought Valkyria Chronicles on PS3 for 20 dollars new and got a sealed copy. I got Midnight Club 2 on PS2 for like 6 dollars used. The final game I got was Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus. "Those are not too bad prices" you might say. "What are you bitching about" you may think smugly to yourself. Well, 2 days later while checking my bank account I discovered that Gamestop I had given my money had decided to be idiotic puke monkeys and double charged my debit card for my purchase. So, today I went back to the store to get this stupid mistake of theirs fixed. Of course they had no clue how to help and could not even find the 2nd charge in the system. They gave me the number for the corporation itself to call because they could do nothing further to fix their mistake. I went home and fearfully dialed the 1800 number of death. I was calling the evil gaming empire itself. Merely filing a complaint to them might result in them sending one of their adolescent HALO3/CODMW2 fanboy assassins after me. But I bravely finished dialing the number. I am a cheap ass, as you must already know, so I could not stand to lose $32.71 because of Gamestop's ineptitude.

While on hold waiting for a customer service representative of the evil empire to converse with me, Mario and Zelda music began to leap from my cell phone into my ear. Those sly asshatical executives at gamestop, they must think that playing gamer music would calm my fury. No, I would not be tricked by this tainted offering of gaming music.

I finally started talking to a guy and he was surprisingly cheerful and told many unfunny and horribly cheesy jokes in an attempt to make me less perturbed at his employer. The phone connection was very bad and every like 3 seconds his voice would cut out momentarily. He informed me that this was a common problem with their phones. I assumed it must be so that his superiors would have the time needed to stealthily whip the call center's employees, masking their screams with the brief moments the phone lines cut out. No wonder this guy was so strongly upbeat on the phone, any small mistake and his masters probably would devour his flesh to feed their monstrous appetites. Yes Gamestop's upper management consists of monsters, ghouls, demons, and Dick Cheney- like beings.

Dealing with the ever present threat of violence from his masters, the poor Gamestop call center slave worked pretty efficiently and told me he would contact my bank to clear up the double charge. After I made this call, I checked my bank account again and noticed that actually the double charge had been refunded randomly a day or so before. I guess someone at Lamestop realized their mistake or something and tried to fix it, but since I was not notified at all I still ended up wasting an hour or so going back to that Gamestop and calling the oppressive corporation itself.

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok fine, I know I cannot resist the buy 2 get 1 free deals on used ps2 games they have 2 times a year. So…. Besides these rare sales,

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

From now on I will just buy my gaming crap online or make the long trip to the slightly overpriced independent games store at the other end of the city I live in. Every other time I give Gamestop business they do something to enrage me or completely make me lose faith in gamerkind.

What an odd picture from google images.

It is like a crackhead going to a drug dealer that randomly deals out uncalled for forceful kicks to his customer's testicles. Yet, this customer is so addicted to the product of the merchant that he soon forgets about his swollen nuts and returns to that same cruel merchant for more potential abuse. I shall no longer be like that crackhead.

I was going to talk about the 10 hours or so of Valkyria Chronicles I had played too, but I have already gone on for far too long. I will wait for the next blog to do that.

A long tale about how I saved a life with my amateur surgery skills.

I love my Dualshock one controller. Even though it came out for the Playstation 1 it still works with about half of all the Playstation 2 games that were released. The analog sticks on it are much more fluid in their movement and are built better. The face buttons are digital so they don't have that squishy feeling like on ps2 controllers which have the terrible pressure sensitive stuff built into them.

Pure Beauty!

I was madly in love with the Dualshock 1 ever since I picked up a used one from a thrift store for $4 a year ago. It was used and dirty when I acquired it, but I lovingly nursed the poor thing back to health with the help of some alcohol wipes and paper towels.

I used this controller for a year straight and I played a ton of ps2 games with my beloved controller. It had never had any problems in an entire year of using it. It was a used thrift store controller so who knows how many years someone else used and abused it before I even acquired it. On the other hand, every Dualshock 2(PS2 controller) I have used has had its analog sticks start to wear out after 2 or 3 months of heavy use.

My Dualshock 1 controller and I were quite the pair for this wonderful year of gaming bliss. Together we went on countless exciting adventures. Some of my plastic buddy and my gaming escapades included sniping people in the face in slow motion (sniper elite), rolling tons of random crap and Earth inhabitants up into a massive ball of death and awesomeness (Katamari Damacy), beheading undead monkeys (Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Timesplitters 2), tugging on giant boobs to kill enemies (Stretch Panic... really it's part of the game), having our minds blown (Rez,Frequency, Amplitude, Lumines Plus), creating a "naughty british dancing" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vcun5XqM3c) video that was really a work of art (Cold Winter), and we gorily dismembered hundreds of jack ass gunman with various weapons.(Soldier of Fortune: Gold Edition).

So, today I was deeply troubled when I discovered that my old friend had something seriously wrong with him. My poor Dualshock 1's square button was nearing death. It would jam up after every 3 or 4 presses. I discovered this while playing the button mashy game called Dynasty Warriors 3. I guess my unlucky Dualshock 1's square button had already had a few too many mashes. My Dualshock 1 and I both knew that such vital button could not be allowed to be in this faulty condition for my gaming sessions and I knew the frightening thoughts that my Dualshock 1 could not help but think about.

It probably thought that since it was no longer functional it would be tossed into the garbage or sent back to a thrift store again. But no, I could not take the easy way out and dispose of my old amigo plastico. I had performed controller surgery before and I knew I could do it again. Unfortunately, I was just an amateur electronic gaming surgeon. I had only taken apart simple SNES controllers and opened up a Fat PS2 console (which resulted in disaster). I feared that the inside of a Dualshock 1 would contain more crazy electronic gizmos and mechanisms than I could handle. I feared that opening up the Dualshock lad would lead to his quick death.

I decided it was worth the risk to perform this hasty surgery. I could just spend 10 dollars to buy another Dualshock one and replace this one, but this one had too much sentimental value. I would use all of my lazyhoboskills to try to save the life of my beloved controller.

I tried doing some quick research to see what I was getting myself into. Unfortunately searching on google gave me no useful information. If you search for a Dualshock 1 or ps1 controller all you get is ps2 and ps3 stuff. I realized I had to just open up the controller and hope I could figure out what to do.

The mysterious innards of this wonderful piece of gaming engineering were sealed up by the collective defense of 7 tiny screws. I whipped out my screwdriver set and I thought I would make short work of these twisty metal rods that stood in my way. But when I opened up my screwdriver set a horrible site leaped out at me!!!!

RUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mother Fucking RUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was even more alarming was that the rust was only on the one screwdriver that I needed. The other 5 or 6 in the set looked as good as new still. It was at that moment that I realized someone or something must be plotting a scheme to stop my attempts to resuscitate my fallen gaming pal. Some purposeful sorcery must have taken place in order for the one screwdriver I needed to be ravaged in such a shocking way.

I started surveying my crappy tiny tiny room that I mange to somehow not go mad in. I slowly scanned my surroundings to try to catch any hidden enemies that were lurking about. I was about to turn around and give up this search when I caught something in the corner of my eye.

You sneaky son of a Bitch!!!!!

It was my neglected Dualshock 2 controller peeking out from the cabinet below my TV! He certainly had an ample amount of motive for sabotaging my attempts to save my Dualshock 1 controller's life. Ever since the Dualshock 1 arrived my Dualshock 2 was usually banished to my cabinet in the bottom section of my TV stand. Over time he must have grown madder and madder at his sudden neglect, reaching an irreversible state where all that was left in his plastic mind were thoughts of utter insanity. It all made sense now. I confronted him and he of course denied my accusations of his participation in the aforementioned treachery. But I would not listen to the lies that spurted forth from his dirty controller mouth and I tossed him back in the dark cabinet to punish him. I pushed some random heavy junk in front of the cabinet doors to seal him in. He would not be disturbing me any time soon.

Dualshock 2s are as evil and disturbing as this image.

I tried to use the smaller screwdrivers on the screws, but they would not work. I knew that I had no choice left but to use the rusted screwdriver. I angrily wiped off as much rust from the screwdriver as I could using a paper towel. When I picked the tool up it still left a nasty residue on my hands. I lashed out at the Dualshock 2 by very loudly yelling out obscenities at him. I was so furious that I even made crude jokes about his mother (SONY). I was not sure if he was able to hear me since he was locked away in that cabinet dungeon. But seconds later, I could not help but smile when I could faintly hear his electronic weeping.

I managed to use the dirty rusted screwdriver to yank out the 7 screws on the Dualshock 1's backside. Before attempting to split my poor Dualshock 1 in half, I prayed to the gaming gods, begging for their guidance in this delicate operation. To show my reverence and earn their favor I pulled out a copy of Superman 64 and viciously released my bowels all over it. The gaming gods must surely be proud of me now! Confident in having supernatural aid in my gaming surgery, I returned to the task at hand.

I separated the Dualshock 1 in half. When I removed the back half of the controller I was greeted with a sight that completed discombobulated my simple mind. The amount of electronic wizardly that must have gone into creating the innards of this great controller must have been immense. I realized that my prior experience with opening up Super Ninendo controllers would be of little help to me. There was a main board where all the various microchips and metal junk was stuck too. There were a few different wires going from this. There was a green looking paper thick foldable sheet type of material that folded under the controllers buttons yet remained attached to the main circuit board thing. I tried to remember in my mind how the innards were held together as I pulled them apart, but it was impossible to remember every subtle detail of their organization.

I now had all of my unfortunate Dualshock 1's guts lying all over my floor. I figured I would worry about trying to but this mess back together again after I attempted to repair the Dualshock 1's Square Button. I examined the rubber piece that lies under the button and saw no problems with it. I looked at the button itself and saw nothing wrong with it. I was a bit puzzled as to what could be causing the button to jam then. I then noticed in the hole where the button resides, there was a tiny amount of nasty looking gunk. It was in the sides of the button hole, so it must have been pushing on the side of the button and causing it to become lopsided when pushed in, hence the occasional jamming. I used some trusty alcohol wipes to thoroughly get rid of any gunk I saw and hoped that this was the only thing causing the button to malfunction before.

Now that I had made my repair, I had to deal with putting the controller back together, but I had no idea howI was going to accomplish this . I spent nearly 2 hours trying various configurations of the controller guts to see how it was supposed to fit back together. I finally was able to figure it out and attempted to rejoin the controller's 2 shell halves. They would not close together at first, so I had to keep going back inside the controller and tried to make sure that everything was pushed down into the correct spots. After many of these attempts the controller shells finally started almost closing, I heard some pops as the pieces fit together and I rushed to grab the screws to make the this closure permanent. I used my strength to make sure that all the screws were in securely and worryingly turned my controller over to see if my repair had worked or if all my effort had been for nothing.

I nervously poked at the Square Button on my post-op controller and ….. it seemed to be functioning normally again!!!!!!!!!!! I tapped on the button continuously to see if it still jammed and it did not do so once! I tried this for about 30 seconds and I knew that the button was in great shape again.

My Dualshock 1 WAS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwwww how cute, the little guy started chasing his tail and got all tuckered out. He is back to his old self.

I did a dorky celebratory dance around the room (Really… I did haha). I had not felt such a sense of accomplishment and immense joy since beating the epic orgasmic amazing Demon's Souls. After I had stopped I noticed a sharp pain coming from one of my fingers. I looked down at it and realized I had not escaped the dangerous surgery with no negative consequences. My finger had a new nasty blister residing on it. It was from the amazing strength I used to turn the screwdriver to close up the controller. I guess I just did not realize how powerful I really was….

OUCHIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways…the blister was starting to get all puffy and it was right on the spot I would need to use if I wanted to play video games. I could live with this terrible gamer injury though; it was worth waiting for the agonizingly long video gameless period to end while my blister healed because my old Dualshock 1 buddy was ALIVE AGAIN!

I also realized that the fresh feces that was sprayed all over the Superman 64 cartridge was beginning to reek, so I cleaned that up as well and tossed the game corpse and poopy mess outside in the trash. Well, actually that game is a poopy mess even when it is not literally covered in one. So I really should have just said that I tossed out a poopy mess and a pile of feces.

I cannot even claim that sleep deprivation was the cause for this atrocious blog. I was well rested when I wrote this. This blog was based on a true story. Did I really expel my bodily waste onto a copy of Superman 64? You shall never know for sure!

muahahahhahaha(*farts*)muahahahahahahahahhaha

A poem and conversation I had when I had no sleep for over 24 hours.

I have had no sleep for a day. YAY!!!!! you may say! Because despite my suffering this day, you know that a blog is coming that will make no sense in any way.

I have some startling information for those belonging to the distinguished gamer nation. I shall tell you of a snack that I devour twice every 24 hours. While dining on this crunchy, chewy, party in my mouth treat, I automatically become extremely upbeat. Unlike some other edible crud, it holds the power to unleash an orgy of flavor onto every single eager taste bud. This addictive crack-like snack always has me coming back. In fact, until finding this miracle food which always positively alters my mood, I never would have foreseen a more scrumptious way to ingest protein.

I am a deranged lunatic poet? An hour ago I did not even know it.

I am actually having quite a delightful time creating this short wacky rhyme. I cannot think of another word that rhymes with rhyme. Really I lie, because I did already think of butt slime. I thought it was a waste of your time to hear such an immature rhyme. See my laziness is real, for I rhymed the word rhyme with rhyme time after time. My pure perfect laziness is so sublime.

The following conversation may give you a great elation. On the other hand, it could lead to your mind's irreversible devastation. So, in closing, be aware of the consequences of reading the following clas-sy exchange of words, keeping in mind that there will surely be an overabundant mentioning of things relating to turds. My dear blog reading folk, I warn you that this is not a joke. I swear by the beard of Zeus that it is true that this blog will contain an unnecessary amount of mentioning topics pertaining to poo!

Also, remember for the future that I shall never grow mature. My trademark as a sleep deprived lazybum will always be to write nonsense that is random!

Nonsense Talk

ME: arg 5 hour flatulence (<-- means 5 hour energy)

ME: every 30 minutes about I gotta go in the bathroom and let out some wicked loud chains of farts

Rusty Shackleford: can you record this?

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: change your name to

Rusty Shackleford: buchholzman

ME: themightyanus?

Rusty Shackleford: yes

ME: madden?

Rusty Shackleford: i like madden

Rusty Shackleford: it is good

ME: thats rude

ME: no matter how huge and wrinkly he is, he is still a human being of sorts. He is not an it.

ME: lmao if i did record those farts

ME: I could title the video

ME: 5 hour energy review

ME: then just go straight to the farts

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i think you gotta curb the fecal stuff on your blog

ME: yea lol, i know i realized that too

ME: its starting to get old even too me

ME: theres only so many poo jokes one can make

ME: unfortunately i thought of a new pooword today

Rusty Shackleford: I'm not here right now

ME: turdnut

ME: i still find that funny

ME: maybe i will switch to pee jokes

ME: lol

ME: earwax?

ME: boogers?

Rusty Shackleford: ear wax...

Rusty Shackleford: i hate ear wax

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i had a build up of ear wax when i was a kid

ME: ah

Rusty Shackleford: couldn't hear very well

Rusty Shackleford: then all of a sudden

Rusty Shackleford: the doctor found the build-up

ME: i always dont hear well, well a lot of the time

ME: because allergies makes fluids build up in my ears

ME: unless i take a nasal spray 2 times a day

ME: takes 2 weeks to start working

ME: and allergies randomly fucking start and stop because of the crazy weather

ME: so i just live with it haha

ME: still better than earwax though

ME: i hate picking that out of my ear

ME: its chunky, yet greasy

ME: i hate when a big chunk falls out of your ear randomly sometimes

ME: feels so disgusting

ME: i think i will sneak some earwax into your food

ME: lmao

Rusty Shackleford: it hurt like hell when i had it taken out

Rusty Shackleford: it was stuck to my ear canal

ME: ow, how does that happen?

ME: using cutips too much?

ME: i heard that compacts it

ME: i never use it

ME: i use my trusty finger

ME: pinky to be exact

ME: because your not supposed to stick anything into your ear canal

ME: you could easily rupture your eardrum

ME: eardrum

ME: which would suck turdnuts

ME: picture that

ME: turdnut

ME: hahaha

ME: im sorry

ME: poo shall always be funny

ME: i just need to use those jokes in moderation

ME: all on brown assaults of fecal jokes can be overwhelming to the senses i know

Rusty Shackleford: no, it was fairly deep in my canal. it had been there awhile and stuck to the outer wall.

Rusty Shackleford: i didn't do anything to make it happen

Rusty Shackleford: it just grew there

ME: it grew there.....

ME: sounds like a demon

ME: or like a brain parasite

ME: it slowly grew hidden away....

ME: earwax spiders

ME: that would be terrifying

ME: spiders made of earwax

ME: your earwax giving birth to living beings

ME: that crawled out of your ear

ME: ive had 1 hour sleep in the last day so i aplogize for this conversation

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: why the lack of sleep?

ME: wat if you pooed out earwax?

ME: with nuts in it

ME: and corn

ME: and carrots

ME: what else leaves with poo...

ME: celery?

ME: i had a midterm

ME: which i think i did horrible on

ME: may be my first d ever on a midterm

ME: its 20 percent of my grade

ME: so i can fix my grade still

ME: but ive really been slacking off this semester

ME: need to buckle down and make myself do all the terrible tedioius reading

ME: holy fucknuts

ME: this conversation is pretty funny

ME: at least to me

ME: since ive had no sleep

Rusty Shackleford: i thought you had been keeping up on the reading?

ME: nah not for this shit thought i could bs the midterm, learned that didnt work too well, maybe my guessing got me a c or b, I am pretty sure I have a d though.

ME: I have never done that in college, gotten worse than a C on a midterm.

ME: Hopefully I pull off a C with my procrastination/slacker powers.

ME: I wont find out for a week.

ME: I am really going to start doing all the reading now though. Means I will be doing like 60 or 70 pages of reading 7 days a week to get everything done.

ME: So will suck sweaty buttcheeks, but I managed to that a year ago when I had an insane workload.

ME: Dude, I got to post this conversation in a blog. Would you like your alias to be HANK HILL? or do you want to change it up a bit? Dale Gribble? Cotton Hill? Soda Popaski?

ME: or "Guywithearwaxfetish"?

ME: "?fundamentalistMaddendisciple_D_Bag?"

ME: "FamilyFeudFetish"?

Rusty Shackleford: Rusty Shackleford

ME: "Phatman"?

ME: lol

ME: rusty shackleford

ME: Thy will shall be done.

ME: Great mystical being who manages to get enjoyment out of the Turd and Eric awesome show Buttjob

ME: All Praise and glory be done onto you.

ME: I shall make bountiful offerings of 5 hour energy.

Rusty Shackleford: All praise and glory be done to Tim and Eric

Rusty Shackleford: Masters of lulz

ME: That is not funny. Jokes can only go too far before they get distasteful and offensive. That joke is vulgar. Free Speech only goes so far my friend. That is more damaging than public threatening to bring swift death down upon somebody. You shall be incarcerated now.

ME: O wait though I forgot you are a weird mystical being.

ME: So I shall send kratos after you.

ME: And he will make testosteronely manyells as he rips you in half.

ME: You may be a GOD, but you cannot defend against button mashing.

ME: WTF am I talking about.

ME: I noticed you stopped typing. You are probably just taking this all in.

ME: Watever, enjoy my brilliance.

ME: You know what has been bothering me.

ME: Toilets with motion sensors that flush the toilet.

ME: There are pros and cons to these devices.

ME: People are so fucking lazy that they often dont flush, so these things fix that problem. However, if you happened to hate sitting on bare dirty toilet seats like me, automatic flushers detect the movement of you laying down the paper toilet seat cover so sometimes by the time you finally get to sit down on the can, the toilet thinks yoiu walked out of the stall and flushes and gets your ass all wet with splashback because you were not ready for the plumbingness machine to start its duties up!!!!!!

Rusty Shackleford: hahaha

Rusty Shackleford: that has happened to me

ME: I dont get why people dont flush the toilets though. Use a foot. Thats what I do. So I dont gotta touch the nasty metal handle, and that way I am not a wangbreathed asshat that leaves there smelly urine sitting in the toilet for the next lucky arriving citizen in that defiled stall.

ME: Yea it gets maddening sometimes.

ME: I have had to learn a technique to deal with the stupid motion sensor toilets.

ME: I learned to move super slow motion like when sitting down on the can so it doesnt think I am walking away after a dookie drop. I have nearly perfected this method now and have cut down on surprise mid-crap flushed by like 95%

ME: So fuck you technology.

ME: Bring on the rise of the terminators

ME: I can handle that shit if I can trick toilet robots.

Rusty Shackleford: Terminating your bathroom experience prematurely

ME: Exactly, this is how the terminator beta was tested out. They figured if they could interfere with the most intimate and necessary function of the human body that mankind would implode on itself because it could not handle restroom chaos of this manner.

ME: On the other hand, the evil toilet robots do have some much kinder relatives like the motion sensor soap dispenser, motion sensor paper towel dispenser, and karate chop activated water faucet starter (ok you dont have to do a karate chop but if just feels so awesome).

ME: How come I can write such long rants about bathrooms in like 20 minutes, but I procrastinate on a 1 page paper until 3 hours before its due???

ME: A deep question to ponder.

Rusty Shackleford: you have so much passion for the subject of bathrooms

ME: I am getting hungry though..Frozen Taquitos time??? Or should I go with a 12am bowl of cereal?

ME: I know, but honestly we humans have to spend so much time relieving ourselves of waste, that creating a functioning and pleasant experience while doing so is something that I think should be the focus of all of top scientists in the world.

ME: Why is bathroom talk leading to me getting hungry... never mind dont want to think about that.

ME: TTYL Rusty ShackleTurd. I mean Shackleford. My apologies sir.

A short list of things I hate.

This was a no sleep for 40 hours 5 hour energy type of day when I wrote this. You know what that means. Lots of randomness

and of course

There Will Be Poo! Maybe There Will Be Blood! too, depending on what was eaten.

Also. For those of you who are going to start complaining about this Daniel Day-Lewis illustration, I shall give you the backstory so it will make more sense to you. He ate a lot of beans. The opening stages of his bowel movement contained lots of explosive gaseous emissions. Those powerful blasts of poo gas ripped a hole straight through his pants. Consequently, solid poo logs had the escape hatch needed to jump easily into the environment.

Unfortunately I fell asleep before I could add more to this list while in my tired random rant capable state. I spent 34 hours awake and slept for 12 hours after that. I am sure that was super duper great for my body!

Some things I hate.

1. Cheap Scratchy Public Restroom Buttwipes. Ow.

2. Bathroom stalls with no coat hanger on the door. WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY STUFF?? When I have a backpack, a wet umbrella, and a coat I need a freaking hook. I don't want to have to put my umbrella down on the feces covered floor and later have my umbrella drip fecal matter on me when I use it to block the rain. WTF am I supposed to do with my backpack?? The only solution when there is no coat hanger is to find the least damp looking section of the floor and rest my backpack down on that spot, making sure the smallest amount of surface area of the backpack is making contact with that vile surface. For my coat, I have to fold it over the top of the stall. What if some hobo yanks it down and steals it while I am on the crapper? It is not like I can chase after him!!! There is also the risk of someone's fart in the room causing a draft which blows my coat off its perch into the a filthy chunk filled toilet bowl.

I consider myself a connoisseur of crapping, so I know what I am talking about. If any of you reading this have a business or own a turdcake receptacle room building company, spend the mother fucking dollar per stall it costs to put in a hook !!!!!!!!! JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! (quoted from southpark, I love it)

3. People who when riding the bus do not move to the back. Every day I see these dunces standing at the front of the bus staring at you while you are crammed into position next to them. You look behind them and see the whole back of the bus has free standing room. How hard is to walk backwards a few steps? Do these people like standing in the front blocking the walkway so they can brush up against all the old elderly bus riders who smell like moth balls? Perhaps these people refuse to walk to the back of the bus have a bunch of moths living in their bodies' crevices and wish to massacre these moths with old people smell? Hopefully this is the reason. Because otherwise, they are just turdberry eating, crap nuggety, manure breath people that are somehow continuing to survive even with brains full of super yellow dehydratey urine!

I just turned 21this month. Also, tons of PS2, PS3,and GBA game reviews/impressions.

Wow it has been awhile since my last blog. What can I say; I am a lazyhoboguy after all. Well here is an excessively long blog that will rot your brain and make up for my absence.

I have been getting in a good amount of gaming lately and picked up a few new games with some birthday money I got. I am now 21 and can legally drink. Although, I have no interest really in drinking alcohol anymore so this birthday was not as exciting as it could have been if I was a typical habitual overdrinking loud college student like many of my peers.

Two days after my birthday I decided to buy a 6 pack of Corona just because. It stayed in my fridge about a week before I even touched one. I did not like it much. It has been about 2 weeks since I bought them, yet 4 out of the 6 beers are still sitting in my fridge. I don't really understand why people like beer. It tastes nasty, it makes me feel all full and like a slob after, and they usually upset my stomach. Plus, I am cheap and would rather spend my money on something else. Also, if you drink beer for the purpose of turning into a super drunk person, why not just get some hard liquor and not deal with the super full feeling that beer gives you?

Anyways, back to gaming. I don't want a bunch of angry drunks realizing I trash talked their miracle beverage, so I am shall quickly change the subject.

The games I picked up recently are:

PS2

Amplitude

Family Feud

Lumines Plus

Rogue Trooper

PS3

Red Faction Guerrilla

I have not touched Amplitude or Rougue Trooper yet, so I don't have much to say about them. I absolutely loved Frequency, which Amplitude is a sequel too, so I am obviously excited to try it.

Also, here is a new animation I was inspired to make after playing one of the following games.

There are NO SPOILERS in the following Reviews/ Game Impressions

Family Feud (PS2)

This Family Feud game is terrible. I expected such, but I did not realize quite how terrible it would turn out. I got it mainly to try its online mode with a friend, but it turned out the online mode is most likely no longer functioning. Two other people and I all get the same error when trying to host an online game of this. In fact, one of these guys called the company to see if the game was officially offline now, and the guy had no idea what was going on with that game. My friend was the first person to ever call the company about it lol.

I wrote a quick review a little while ago about this game.

http://www.gamespot.com/ps2/puzzle/familyfeud2006/player_review.html?id=706595&tag=all-about;review1

I tell you what.

The only thing this game has going for it is its family creation system. I had about 10 minutes of amusement making Hank Hill and his family play the game. Here is a video of that

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGihV0rk4w

Once the novelty of that wore off, I realized that I can't stand to ever play this game again. That tells you something is really really atrocious, when even the most brilliant salesman of propane and propane accessories cannot save the game.

Lumines Plus (PS2)

This is a puzzle game that originally came out on the PSP. A guy I know had been telling me for months about how fun it was and then recently I heard that this game was created by the Japanese dude who made the game REZ. Finding this out made me very eager to try it so I picked it up off of amazon.

I really like this game. It is a deceivingly simple puzzle game at first glance. You drop squares that are made up of 4 smaller blocks that are mixed up in random combinations of 2 colors. You can flip this big square around and you try to line up 4 small blocks of the same color. When you do that those 4 small blocks disappear. You lose the game when the stacked up blocks reach the top of the screen.

What makes this game innovative is that all the time there is a scrolling horizontal line that goes from left to right. Your groups of 4 same colored blocks will not disappear until this scrolling horizontal line reaches them. You can get lots of combo points by adding more blocks to your group of 4 before that horizontal line reaches the mass of same colored blocks. This makes things interesting because you are always rushing to add more blocks before the line reaches that section so you can get the most points. However, you have to be careful because if you carelessly toss blocks down, you may miss and screw yourself over for the future.

Also, this game has a beautiful visual design and cool music. If you last awhile in the game, the visual theme of the game will shift and so will the music. It is nice because it gives you a cue that tells you when the difficulty is going to ramp up. When you're in the middle of tons of block stacking madness, it's hard to keep track of the level counter at the bottom of the screen, so the changing visual theme helps a lot.

This game is very very addicting. The game keeps track of your high scores, so it compels you to keep replaying the game over and over to beat them.

I had not acquired a new puzzle game in a very long time, but I am happy that this particular game ended up as my newest one.

Red Faction: Guerrilla (PS3)

My PS3 has been getting a lot of use after a few week period of me not touching it and that is because I got this game. I had wanted this game since its launch, but I am a cheapo and could not shell out the cash for it. It finally dropped down to 20 bucks for a new copy on amazon with free shipping and I could not resist.

I have probably put in over 10 hours in this game. I loved the demo of this game when it was released and played that for hours and hours. That is because the destruction engine in this game is simply amazing. Any building or object can be destroyed. Stuff breaks apart differently based on which weapon you use to attack it. You can ram a car through a building. You can cover your car with 10 mines, jump out of the car at the last second before it hits a building, and after its has crashed into the building you can detonate the mines on the car and totally devastate that once proudly constructed structure. The only thing in this game that cannot be destroyed is the ground.

There is not much story to this game. Basically you are part of a guerrilla movement that is challenging the EDF (Earth Defense Force) who are oppressing the miners on Mars. The voice acting is well done in my opinion, but the story just does not have much meat to it and is not fleshed out much. But who needs much of a story when the destruction in this game is so much fun.

This game is a sandbox game. Meaning you can choose to go wherever you want in the game world and do missions and other things whenever you feel like. If you feel like tracking down some EDF soldiers and blowing them up and fighting a small scale war with their respawning forces, you can. The game limits you to sectors of the map until you beat all the missions there and reduce the EDF presence in that area to 0 percent. The map highlights important EDF targets, usually big buildings and military structures that you need to blow up. I really enjoy this part of the game because coming up with a plan of action for taking out a fortified position and successfully implementing it is really fun. Or, you end up having your plan go completely wrong and you have to suddenly improvise and hope you can take out the building and survive the pursuing forces afterwards.

The weapons in this game are very fun to use. Your default weapon is a sledge hammer. Do I really need to explain the awesomness of this? Ok fine I will. It is such a satisfying weapon to use. It can one hit kill enemies. You can bash is buildings with it. A sledge hammer is just fun to use. The other weapons in this game are just as fun. Your other trusty weapon is remote mines. You can originally only place one or 2 at a time, but you can eventually upgrade that ability and currently in the game I can place 10 mines at once before I detonate them all. Mines stick to anything. It is really funny sticking them on the soldiers because they will start running around frantically and will eventually shake them off. Mines are great all around weapons in this game since they easily allow you to destroy enemy vehicles. A few well placed mines can take down massive buildings as well. Other weapons include an assault rifle, and assault rifle with heat seeking bullets, a rocket launcher, shotguns, a gun that disintegrates anything you shoot (people, cars, buildings, etc), and a gun that shoots electricity that can electrocute multiple enemies at once.

So far I am loving this game. It lacks a gripping story, but the destruction engine in this game is the best and most realistic one ever created. Yay for Geo Mod 2.0. I have not even tried the multiplayer yet and it looks really great as well.

No Rules: Get Phat (GBA) I have had this for years, but just recently found it again

Before you read further, watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zsf7oes2BHA

I have decided to make this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7qHUWMGS4c&feature=response_watch ) the first in a series called "Unbelievably Terrible Games" which is up on my youtube account. I do not have too many crappy games like this in my collection anymore, but there are a few hiding in it. Whenever I come across a game that makes my blood boil from its shocking amount of mediocrity or outright blatant suckage, I will post a video of that game and add "Unbelievably Terrible Games:" before the video title.

I created a new playlist ( http://www.youtube.com/user/Lazyhoboguy#g/c/0E4390477A4A27CA ) where all other "Unbelievably Terrible Games:" videos will be located.

Here is a quote from the instruction manual to help you understand what this game is like.

"Background

One Eye Jack's got a kickin' life: Get juiced up with a bowl of Cocoa Soul Puffies, catch a little Snoop Nasty and The Super Homeez on TV, bust some airs with the crew at the skatepark, maybe even mix some phat beats after hours...

But when aliens from Planet Punkazz arrive, Jack's lifestyle takes it in the shorts. The Punkazzes say they're here to "get phat." But the Punkazzes don't want to serve people on a plate. To survive, they have to wack Jack's culture. And Jack don't play dat...."

Ummm yea lmao. Reading the instruction manual is much more entertaining then actually playing the game.

The story in this game revolves around One Eye Jack, who is some mutated freak kid who only has one eye, has white hair, and apparently thinks he is a hardcore gangster. He reminds me of like a little shriveled up Bart Simpson. He rides a skateboard and his weapon throughout the game is a slingshot.

The cut scenes in this game are the only interesting thing about it. They are like a comic book where One Eye Jack talks in gangsta talk about trying to save his precious cereal called "Cocoa Soul Puffies" from the "Punkazz aliens".

I had this game for many years, but forgot I owned it until this week. I remembered the game being frustrating as hell when I was a kid and it played just how I remembered it. The controls in this game are horrendous. You ride a skateboard or snowboard throughout the game and when you move left or right you glide for a bit. So it makes quickly turning directions or platforming needlessly tedious and sometimes near impossible. The developers have tons of sections where you need to make precise jumps on tiny moving platforms. The controls make this very very annoying. Also, you cannot shoot and move at the same time....

Boss battles in this game randomly turn into a mediocre rhythm game where you press the buttons that scroll across the top screen. When you hit a series of the buttons at the right time, you press the A button and the boss loses health. Repeat that about 10 times and the boss dies. You are djing during boss battles and apparently the sound of you scratching is able to kill aliens and make them explode.

Also, the only reason I bought this game as a kid was because it included a free knock off tech deck finger board lol. I think that is the only way this game sold any copies. I believe that fingerboard broke shortly after I bought it too.

Whats up with me? A monkey watches me pee. Also, a Sniper Elite (PS2) Review.

If this Peeping Tom monkey was in Sniper Elite on PS2 I would snipe him between his beady little eyes.

OOO AHHH OOO!!!! ME BRING A SNACK AND WATCH YOU GO POO!

One of my roommates hangs this towel on a rack over the toilet. It has 2 monkeys like this that creepily stare at me while I expel urine into the urine devouring receptacle. These perverted monkeys make me feel uncomfortable. Why are they getting ready to eat a banana in the bathroom? That is unsanitary! What if they lost their balance and dropped their food into the toilet?? It could splash the newly arrived urine in the toilet bowl back at me!! These darn inconsiderate monkeys…. I mean DAMN DIRTY TOILET LOITERING APES!!!!!!!!!

Also, you would think this monkey would be afraid of some pee splashback landing on him. Well considering monkeys do things like this **WARNING VERY DISTURBING I AM NOT JOKING DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE NASTY STUFF** ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiZpOPRzFo ) I guess I should not be so suprised that this monkey is attracted to urine.

So, I am finally almost completely settled into my new place after being here about 2 weeks. I at least have pathways for walking through the room now. I am in the process of trying to get all of my game consoles setup at once. I have a NES, SNES,N64,GC,PS2,and PS3 and I want them all to be setup to TVs or monitors and be plugged into a power outlet so that I can play any of them whenever the mood strikes me. People who saw my room in my video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpJ3k2NaeAg ) kept telling me it would never happen. Some people on a digitpress.com thread ( http://www.digitpress.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140542 ) told me to sell my collection and switch to emulation to save room. As expected, gaming blasphemy of that kind made me quite perturbed and even more determined to prove these naysayers wrong.

Well, This morning I spent an hour or so thinking of possible console setup scenarios and trying a few out. I am now completely certain I will be able to get all of these consoles hooked up and ready to play. Screw you people who told me I could not do it! A determined gamer geek is a force to be reckoned with and can accomplish unprecedented things!!!!!!

I did not game at all for about a week once school started. That was painful. But, I am happy to inform you people that this depressing state of affairs is no more. I have started replaying Sniper Elite on PS2.

SNIPER ELITE! (No Spoilers, any aspects of the story discussed are in the games intro already)

This is one of my favorite PS2 games and I have played a lot of them. This is one of my favorite World War 2 themed games and I have played far too many games in this often stale and boring genre. Also, This is one of my favorite third person shooters. Yes it is set in a World War 2 setting, but it follows a fictional and interesting story. You play as a special agent guy whose enemy is not the Nazis or any other Axis power. His enemy is The Russians, but, more specifically, the enemies are the Russian secret agent people. They have a plot to get a hold of nuclear material in Germany to make their own Nuclear weapon. So in essence, you are starting to fight in the cold war while World War 2 is still going on. What is cool about this from a gameplay perspective is that in many levels you will encounter dueling German and Russian forces, but you do not need to kill them. They would rather shoot at each other than you. But of course I snipe all those guys for fun anyways muahaha.

Why do I love this game so much? It is just such a unique game. There is no other game that I know of that is purely focused on realistic sniping like this. You can adjust the difficulty/ realisticness of your single player campaign. I play on the rookie level.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

,some of you less enlightened gamers may proclaim to yourself in a giggly prepubescent frenzy, but this game is very challenging even on the Rookie difficulty setting. You see, enemies in this game are tough and they are intelligent. If they spot you they will run from you and go hide. Unlike in other games, when they get shot at by a sniper they have the common sense to go take cover. They will even try flanking you if you stay in the same spot too long. They often will sneakily toss a grenade at you if you camp in one spot too long after you are spotted. This makes things very intense and makes enemy encounters play out difficulty almost every time.

As for the realism of sniping, it is really great. On the Rookie Difficulty setting, gravity affects your shots. This means that based on how close or far away your targets are, you have to adjust your aim vertically to compensate. It makes getting sweet headshots on far away targets or from quick shots even more satisfying. Your heart rate also effects how you play on the Rookie difficulty setting. Think real snipers can sprint for 5 minutes then dive to the ground and hold their breath for 30 seconds to stabilize their shot? Well, they can't. If you do lots of running around you see a little heart rate monitor thing act up and if you try holding your breath to stabilize your scoped in view, it won't work until you catch your breath.

On higher difficulty settings, you can add even more variables to the gameplay like wind for example. This means that on top of taking gravity into making consideration when placing shots, you have to adjust your aim to the left or right depending on how hard the wind is blowing in either direction.

You know what else is great about this game? Sniping is fun. It is really fun. Especially when this game lets you compete for high scores on levels. You get more points for lining up 2 or 3 people and hitting them with one shot. You get points for "remote detonations" which means sniping explosives or having somebody trigger a tripwire explosive you set. You get points for headshots. Even cooler is that this game compares your scores with other players online.

Even though this game is about sniping, you can use other weapons. You have various machine guns and grenades/explosives to use. However, relying on these weapons will get you killed very quickly since they are so loud and the enemy is just as proficient as or better than you at using them. So, the game forces you to be a good sniper, meaning that you are encouraged to try to engage enemies from far away and take them out without others noticing when you can. You can use a pistol to sneak up on enemies and get silent kills on them too though.

This game also has the coolest headshots out of any game ever. When you happen to land a headshot, as soon as you hit the trigger the camera switches over to a view that follows the bullet from the instant it leaves your rifle. It follows the bullet until it makes contact with an enemy's unfortunate skull. It will also do this cool zoom in camera effect if you hit multiple people with one bullet or hit moving targets.

I have probably played this game for over 50 hours total in the few years I have had it. Every like 6 months I start replaying the campaign and get addicted to it again haha. This game even has offline split screen co-op which I imagine must be awesome, since one player could draw out and spot the enemy while the other snipes those enemies. This game also has online multiplayer.

I played 2 or 3 matches of this in the last week. I had a blast. This is one of the most tense and most satisfying online multiplayer games that is still playable on PS2. The enemy artificial intelligence in the game was pretty great, but human intelligence is even more challenging to go up against. It makes your victories that much more satisfying and your defeats become even more devastating.

Me loves me some sniping. Pick up this game people! This is a gem! If you like stealth/third person shooters/AWESOME SNIPING get this game. You will not regret it. If you only play Run and Gun shooters then this game may not be your cup of tea, but I think that if you give it a chance you can come to love it as well. This game is a bit pricey for a PS2 game. A used complete copy will run you around 30 something bucks at the cheapest. It is worth it though, believe me, but make sure you get the game with the manual. It helps explain sniping tactics and aiming strategies which help you get better at the game quite a bit.

If you plan to get into the online aspect of this game, check out this forum (http://sniperelite.hqforums.com/ ) If you ever want to play this game online with me. Just Private message me. I will cry buckets of manly tears when this game's online servers are inevitably shut down. Until that time though, I will snipe as many people in the face as I can hehe.