IT has been over a month since my last blog. Deal with it.
I am normally not one to partake in the mood altering mind boggling effects of alcoholic beverages, but since I am house sitting for my parents for over a week I needed some cheap entertainment. You see, there is no cable television or decent caliber of internet speed here. I brought few video games with me because I planned to only stay for a mere 3 or 4 days. However, it was requested of me that I stay for nearly 2 weeks, so now I am trapped here with only a very small number of NES games and GC games. Boredom has constantly been on the offensive, trying to destroy my very existence. It nearly had won its nefariously started war, but I managed to trick the sly beast of boredom with an expertly blended amount of cheapness powers.
Here is a list of items needed to follow my now proven winning strategy to combat cruel mind- deflating boredom.
Item 1: Used Dreamcast from a thrift store for 25 bucks.
It came with a fishing controller, a normal controller and all wires. I also picked up a demo disc of several Dreamcast games for 2 bucks. This disc helped me confirm that the Sega Dreamcast indeed did function at the optimal level I expected of such a console. Unfortunately, it also has tormented my soul or whatever you may call a persons inner essence or imaginary sense of being. These brief glimpses of potentially amazing or mediocre games that are momentarily forced into my brain's consideration are such a tease. I cannot help but want to play the complete games to reach an ultimate conclusion on whether each game will deserve to hold a coveted and respected spot in my permanent gaming collection.
Item 2: Megadeth CD "Cryptic Writings"
Which is currently playing on the before mentioned Dreamcast with the additional aid of a 14 inch television set which has finally found a way to make up for its unimpressive screen size. Here is a fun fact that I recently just discovered. Playing CDs on the Dreamcast results in the display of a spinning CD on your television screen. This swiftly revolving virtual representation of a compact disc is split into 2 magical halves of separate yet equally intriguing colors. One is white and one is red. A hole in the middle of a CD is shown as well. This hole in the direct center of the spinning CD, in addition to the two perhaps merely coincidental combination of colors, cannot help but stir up a thought in my mind. This image flaunted before me brings up memories of a Poke Ball. If I was Dale Gribble, I would launch into countless conspiracy theories in a sort of deranged attempt to justify this eerie occurrence. If I truly was Dale Gribble, the potential spreading of the already frighteningly powerful influence of the world of Pokemon would be of immense concern to me. I am not Dale Gribble ,however, so I am left on my own to wonder what this strange visual sign means….
Get the hell away from my newly acquired used Dreamcast you Pokefreaks!!!!!!
Item 3: "5 Hour Energy"
The purpose this aquiring this bottle, which is full of a mixed batch of potential future positive and negative consequences, is to keep me awake after being up for more than 24 hours in my crazy reckless near impossible mission to return my sleep schedule to a normal state of affairs.
Item 4: $3 Vodka!!!!!!!
Really. It cost freaking 3 dollars. I cannot believe this still. It is 3 dollar vodka for 3 dollars! For a mere 300 pennies I have acquired one of the finest and fanciest varieties of Vodka available in this fine United States of America. The name of this brand of vodka, one containing an epic amount of quality formerly unknown to my simple mind, a mind which was in the past and probably in the future still will be an irregular partaker in the realm of gulping down alcoholic beverages, is eloquently stated as " VIP Select Premium Vodka" .Does that packaging look like it's made of glass to you? I hate to inform you but it just isn't. It is created from cheap plastic like that found in a water bottle. The cap is like a twist off 2-liter bottle of soda cap. C-lassy isn't it?
Item 5: Something to drown out the taste of a horrible tasting and previously unwisely praised 3 dollar Vodka. This miracle drink would be called Orange Juice.
I did not notice this in the store but apparently the particular type of orange juice that I acquired contains
"Juicy Rewards". I was for quite a long moment of time terribly confused as to the meaning of this strange trademarked slogan that covered the front of my carton of liquefied oranges. Through expert detective work ( 5 minutes of reading random different parts of the box in a drunken frenzy) I discovered that a mystical code of numbers and letters lived beneath the cap of this purchased box of once solid oranges. Apparently, if you are some sort of crazy hoarder person that collects millions of these things you can in about twenty or thirty years earn enough magical beneath the cap points to acquire some prize. I can only guess the prizes are plastic and made in sweatshops overseas and worth about 30cents. Good job I guess Tropicana…….
Conclusion to the Blog??!?!?!?!?!?
While a normal person would at this point in this blog realize that enough nonsense had already been unleashed onto the poor unlucky readers of this massacre of the whole notion of writing in a decent manner,
you obviously fail to realize that I am an AssHat sometimes. No, I do not mean that my Ass gets chilly and requires a hefty cap for warmth on occasion. Nor do I mean that my head is often adorned with an Ass shaped hat. I mean that I am an AssHat. An AssHat like myself is a person that can be so uttterly ridiculous that merely calling them an Ass does not suffice to convey the magnitude of their treachery. NO! An extra word is desperately needed to be joined to the word Ass. That word is Hat. It shows that I am no mere Ass, but an Ass that needs the word Hat also attached to that already vile word. I am sure that must have cleared up the meaning of the word AssHat for you now. If it is still not clear to you, perhaps it because I am an AssHat and my explanations about my nature cannot be trusted?
Welcome to the drunk ramblings of a lazyhobodrunk. Enjoy them or swiftly fly your mindplane into the inescapable airspace of insanity. I was obviously quite drunk when this was written. Soo dont expect that there them fancy grammmmarz. I did do quite a bit of editing just to make it readable though since drunkness means lots of tpos. See how nice I am?
ME: up on 5 hour energy and 3 dollar vodka
DG:3 dollar vodka
DG:wow ure cheap
ME: lmao its the cheapest shit ever
ME: cant believe it
ME: its so bad
ME: like the case is plastic
ME: has a twist off cap
ME: like a bottle of soda
ME: 3 bucks!
DG:lol well yea
ME: wat a deal
DG:thahts what cheap alcohol comes in
ME: mix with orange juice
ME: nasty taste erased
DG:i could never get into that mix
DG:didnt liek it
DG:its better with coke
ME: its basically just to water it down
ME: water works the same lol
DG:lol eww no
ME: i like orange juice normally
ME: so good combo
DG:rum and coke
DG:if u use the right amount
ME: im so bored here I actually bought some 3 dollar
DG:u cnt taste any alcohol
ME: want skype
ME: so u can hear me be stupid.
ME: rambled at [Some guy, name changed for anonymity] for awhile before lol
ME: I am not very drunk really, just like 2 or 3 shots
ME: I am part irish so doesnt affect me that much
DG:u better take at least 2 more shots
ME: well I had 3 shots earlier
ME: just had 2 more now
DG: Or else whatst he point in drinking cheap liquore
ME: wears off too quickf
ME: forgot that about vodka
ME: last like an hour
DG:tats why u gotta drink a ton really fast
DG:then it lasts, lol
ME: but still like better than beer or something that
gets you really full and feeling like a fat texan gut man
DG:lol well good beer
DG:can get u pretty messed up fast
ME: meh, but it taste like ass, unless u drink slow
with some food
DG:nah its just an aquired taste,plus good beer taste
better than any regular shit.
DG:i have tried many varieties
ME: yeaq i dont drink much beer
ME: so probably just not used to it
ME: like hank
DG:hank only drinks one kind
ME: regular alchohol purchases cost too much anyways
ME: im too cheap for that
DG:he is not cultured
ME: id drink some cool tasty alamaos though
ME: see wat all the arlen folk fuss is about
DG:lol some company needs to make alomo beer
ME: if its good enough for the assistant manager at
strickland propane its sure as heck good enough for me god dangit
ME: lol this vodka is made in usa
ME: see supporting my country
ME: and all that shit.
DG:thats how u know it sucks
ME: hopefully I am supporting small town alren folk
DG:the only good alcohol is importer
ME: who make the vodka from rotten potatoes
ME: meh u just say that cus ur part polish
ME: all vodka ive tried taste like ass pretty much
DG:theres a polish vodka
DG:made from potatoes
ME: but I like it cus it gets u drunk squick
ME: without nasty beer full gut feeling
DG:too bad you dont live in the midwest
DG:the store i work at
DG:has their own brand of vodka
DG:and its amazing
ME: lol I think this was a store brand
ME: it has a funny generic name
DG:the kind from jewel is called frost
DG:and theres liek a million flavors of it
ME: I am blasting some megadeth from my dreamcast and
ME: dreamcast already paying off
ME: no dvd player back here
ME: had to improvise
ME: computer has trouble reading dics
ME: ty dreamcast!
ME: winning over my gamer heart already
ME: and the art stuff when music plays looks funny
ME: shows a cd spinning
ME: is red on one half and white on the other
ME: looks like a pokeball
ME: it does
ME: ash ketchup is playing my music
ME: finally is doing something right
ME: Fuck trying to find microsoft word so I can write
a stupid drunk person blog
ME: cant fucking find it ugh
ME: ah nvm
ME: found it
ME: no fucking shortcut on this shit pc
ME: god dammit opened meebo twice and didn't realize
ME: like thought why the fuck did aim close
DG:because ur using windows
ME: god ddammit
ME: been trying to upload some pics to photobucket for
like 20 mins
ME: accidentally opened up a new set of tabs so
photobucket deissapeared it seemed
ME: but it was just hiding in tab set 2
ME: god damn tho
ME: 300 dollar vodka is such a deal
ME: its only half gone
ME: and I am semi pretty drunk right now
ME: 3 bucks!
ME: fuck yea
DG:lol im not that cheap
ME: didnt know u could vodka that cheap until today
DG:how do u think homeless people get drunk?
ME: my stomach will probably catapult from my mouth
ME: but it was worth it for the amazing savings I
DG:just eat some food
DG:ull be good
ME: yea I been drinking much aqua and comida with las
muchas cheapas vodkas made in americas
ME: wat a fucking amazing idea; though
ME: the usa economy should see a swift rebound
immediately me thinks if the american entrepreneur keeps up this level of ingenuity
ME: 3 dollar vodka! fuckyea
ME: USA! USa! UsA!
ME: well I am on a combo of 5 hour energy, mexican burritos, and vodka right now
ME: so sorry for this
ME: but its fun for me at least
ME: passing the time
ME: got a week left of severe mind shitting on boredeom left
DG:go back and buy a handle of cheap vodka
ME: this week shall live in infamy for its intense unforgivable boredeom
ME: a handle?
ME: wat does that mean
DG:that will keep u busey the rest of the week
DG:the big ass containers
DG:because they have handles
ME: is that sly street talk which I do not currently obtain an understanding of
ME: I see
ME: well that shit would cost money
ME: 3 dollar vodka is only 3 dollars
DG:if u get cheap shit
ME: so it wins the competition
DG:u could get a handle for like
DG:handles are usually like
DG:almost 2 liters
ME: 15 bucks is big spender amounts of cash
ME: I needz a job for that kind of elaborate and insane spending of american currency
DG:i need to get some liquor
DG:i havnt had any hard stuff in forever
DG:but im rich now
DG:so i need to indulge while i can, lol
ME: cheap price for cheap alchochol for my cheapo self works perfectly enough for me at the moment unless it gives me a not so perfect infection of the unperfect AIDS disease
DG:its still cheap
DG:ure buying in volume
DG:instead of just small amounts
DG:thats why homeless ppl stay homeless
ME: then the deal I gained in the short term would be a lie to cover up the long term suckage of AIDS
DG:they dont realize they could save money by buying alcohol in bigger containers
ME: Well I am not a drunk yet so I dont need 15 bucks of vodka
ME: 15 bucks could buy you lots of other better stuff
ME: like a jetpack
ME: fuck yea, it wouldnt work good tho, but bet u could get one
ME: ud probably die in a horrific gory crash
ME: but it would be a pretty fucking sweet way to go
ME: death by jetpack
ME: see when I get old I will go out by getting on a jetpack naked and flying around pooing on people like a seagull. It would be quite hilarious. Until the airforce knocks me from the stratosphere with a ballistic missile
ME: but fuck them
ME: I will have my fun beforehand
ME: or perhaps I would be an extremely agile old geezer who could at the moment before the balistic missile hits him could use his unprecedented agility to get on top of the missile and ride it, taking advantage of its already in progress expulsion of kinectic energy!
ME: then I could rain old man turd from the skies at supersonic speed!
ME: just imagine!
ME: I know Hank Hill would disapprove because poo landing on Arlen's location for propane selling would be covered with a brown layer of unpleasantness, but my dream must be realized before my death
ME: god damn sorry
ME: rambling mess is full of ramblings
DG:its da truf
ME: watever though, I dont care, you spam my eardrums with horrible disney music over skype all the time, so I should not be apologizing for this brilliant stupidness
ME: Fuck yea, megadeath on my dreamcast, then TV sounds pretty bad ass when drunk
ME: Fuck yea
ME: well you dont like metal
ME: so you cant appreciate the awesomeness I am currently experiencing
ME: this little tiny screened tv actually has some deceivingly powerful tiny stereo speakers
ME: its like 14 inches or some shit close to that
ME: dont just a tv by its screen apparently
ME: moral of the story
ME: See , I know my defense to your skype rapeage of my ears with horrible music you like for some reason, just drink 3 dollar vodka and my brilliance is too much for you to handle
ME: and you know it
DG:the tv next to my computer
DG:is prolly smaller
ME: I doubt it
ME: this shit is ridiculous
ME: gotta sit right in front of it to play any games
ME: otherwise my eyes bleed salty angry tears of defiance to the unreasonably small portrayal of video gaming images
ME: lets get out a tape measure and measure this shit tv for proof then
DG:i just did
DG:its actually 14 inches
DG:so its a tie
DG:but my tv is mono
DG:so u win
ME: lmao, mine is too, I am an electronic psychic apparently, mine is 14 inches
ME: the sound is pretty good for a 14 inch tube television then though
DG:i dont think uve ever heard good sound
DG:so that means nothing
ME: lol probably some merit to that statement
ME: but ignorance is bliss sometimes
ME: if i was spoiled by ur magical surround sounds I would probably have to rip off my ears from these tiny speakers. However, since I have only have had the pleasure to hear meager speakers throughout my experienecs with the various electronics gizmos available to me currently my mind has not been forever spoiled and corrupted with the sublime amounts of sound quality emitted from more deluxe versions of the electronic gizmos that you have managed to somehow aquire.
DG:cause im magic
ME: untill ur cat pisses all over ur magic boxes of dolby surrond sound and forever ruins them
ME: speaking of pissing, brb
ME: gotta pee
ME: if that was not already obvious
ME: charcoal or propane
ME: pick onw
ME: or be forsaken
ME: a wise choice young laddie
ME: propane is a special gas that treats you fairly when you contain the wisdom to remain loyal to it
ME: but the spirit of rebellion can lead you to seek out the dark side of the barbecue spectrum
ME: the wicked charcoal has stolen the innocence of many a great propane salesman
ME: it is a substance that has repeatedly shown through its treacherous history that it cannot be trsted
ME: I tell you what
ME: hows about you agree to let me stick this convo in my blog. You are certainly free to refuse this request as we do live in the noble free democracy of the United States of NOrthern America, however choosing this particular decision would result in me having to initiate a lifelong banning of the selling of propane and propane accessories to you.
ME: A fate that not even the most wretched beings in Arlen Texas would want to be subscribed too when it comes to my humble opinion.
ME: You may be thinking that a switch to charcoal would not be that bad, but I guarantee to you that making this unwise decision inevitably would catch up with you and reek havoc on your intended life course.
DG: oh i know
ME: So what shall your answer be good sire?
ME: Lifelong prosperity with the aid of lady propane at your side?
ME: Or a future of despair and terrible unspeakable possibilities because of a rebellious, stupid in restrospect decision to risk everything with the use of the evil substance of charcoal?
DG:do w/e u want i guess since its just a s/n
ME: Well I can hide your identity with a clever alias if thou wishes.
ME: Simply pick a name or creative word or group of letters to represent your identity.
DG:pick what ever you want
ME: Alrighty then. I tell you what, that will shall be done.
ME: The vodka is starting to finally wear off I think
ME: Still got about half of it left for the rest of this boring week fortunately though.