A poem and conversation I had when I had no sleep for over 24 hours.

I have had no sleep for a day. YAY!!!!! you may say! Because despite my suffering this day, you know that a blog is coming that will make no sense in any way.

I have some startling information for those belonging to the distinguished gamer nation. I shall tell you of a snack that I devour twice every 24 hours. While dining on this crunchy, chewy, party in my mouth treat, I automatically become extremely upbeat. Unlike some other edible crud, it holds the power to unleash an orgy of flavor onto every single eager taste bud. This addictive crack-like snack always has me coming back. In fact, until finding this miracle food which always positively alters my mood, I never would have foreseen a more scrumptious way to ingest protein.

I am a deranged lunatic poet? An hour ago I did not even know it.

I am actually having quite a delightful time creating this short wacky rhyme. I cannot think of another word that rhymes with rhyme. Really I lie, because I did already think of butt slime. I thought it was a waste of your time to hear such an immature rhyme. See my laziness is real, for I rhymed the word rhyme with rhyme time after time. My pure perfect laziness is so sublime.

The following conversation may give you a great elation. On the other hand, it could lead to your mind's irreversible devastation. So, in closing, be aware of the consequences of reading the following clas-sy exchange of words, keeping in mind that there will surely be an overabundant mentioning of things relating to turds. My dear blog reading folk, I warn you that this is not a joke. I swear by the beard of Zeus that it is true that this blog will contain an unnecessary amount of mentioning topics pertaining to poo!

Also, remember for the future that I shall never grow mature. My trademark as a sleep deprived lazybum will always be to write nonsense that is random!

Nonsense Talk

ME: arg 5 hour flatulence (<-- means 5 hour energy)

ME: every 30 minutes about I gotta go in the bathroom and let out some wicked loud chains of farts

Rusty Shackleford: can you record this?

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: change your name to

Rusty Shackleford: buchholzman

ME: themightyanus?

Rusty Shackleford: yes

ME: madden?

Rusty Shackleford: i like madden

Rusty Shackleford: it is good

ME: thats rude

ME: no matter how huge and wrinkly he is, he is still a human being of sorts. He is not an it.

ME: lmao if i did record those farts

ME: I could title the video

ME: 5 hour energy review

ME: then just go straight to the farts

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i think you gotta curb the fecal stuff on your blog

ME: yea lol, i know i realized that too

ME: its starting to get old even too me

ME: theres only so many poo jokes one can make

ME: unfortunately i thought of a new pooword today

Rusty Shackleford: I'm not here right now

ME: turdnut

ME: i still find that funny

ME: maybe i will switch to pee jokes

ME: lol

ME: earwax?

ME: boogers?

Rusty Shackleford: ear wax...

Rusty Shackleford: i hate ear wax

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i had a build up of ear wax when i was a kid

ME: ah

Rusty Shackleford: couldn't hear very well

Rusty Shackleford: then all of a sudden

Rusty Shackleford: the doctor found the build-up

ME: i always dont hear well, well a lot of the time

ME: because allergies makes fluids build up in my ears

ME: unless i take a nasal spray 2 times a day

ME: takes 2 weeks to start working

ME: and allergies randomly fucking start and stop because of the crazy weather

ME: so i just live with it haha

ME: still better than earwax though

ME: i hate picking that out of my ear

ME: its chunky, yet greasy

ME: i hate when a big chunk falls out of your ear randomly sometimes

ME: feels so disgusting

ME: i think i will sneak some earwax into your food

ME: lmao

Rusty Shackleford: it hurt like hell when i had it taken out

Rusty Shackleford: it was stuck to my ear canal

ME: ow, how does that happen?

ME: using cutips too much?

ME: i heard that compacts it

ME: i never use it

ME: i use my trusty finger

ME: pinky to be exact

ME: because your not supposed to stick anything into your ear canal

ME: you could easily rupture your eardrum

ME: eardrum

ME: which would suck turdnuts

ME: picture that

ME: turdnut

ME: hahaha

ME: im sorry

ME: poo shall always be funny

ME: i just need to use those jokes in moderation

ME: all on brown assaults of fecal jokes can be overwhelming to the senses i know

Rusty Shackleford: no, it was fairly deep in my canal. it had been there awhile and stuck to the outer wall.

Rusty Shackleford: i didn't do anything to make it happen

Rusty Shackleford: it just grew there

ME: it grew there.....

ME: sounds like a demon

ME: or like a brain parasite

ME: it slowly grew hidden away....

ME: earwax spiders

ME: that would be terrifying

ME: spiders made of earwax

ME: your earwax giving birth to living beings

ME: that crawled out of your ear

ME: ive had 1 hour sleep in the last day so i aplogize for this conversation

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: why the lack of sleep?

ME: wat if you pooed out earwax?

ME: with nuts in it

ME: and corn

ME: and carrots

ME: what else leaves with poo...

ME: celery?

ME: i had a midterm

ME: which i think i did horrible on

ME: may be my first d ever on a midterm

ME: its 20 percent of my grade

ME: so i can fix my grade still

ME: but ive really been slacking off this semester

ME: need to buckle down and make myself do all the terrible tedioius reading

ME: holy fucknuts

ME: this conversation is pretty funny

ME: at least to me

ME: since ive had no sleep

Rusty Shackleford: i thought you had been keeping up on the reading?

ME: nah not for this shit thought i could bs the midterm, learned that didnt work too well, maybe my guessing got me a c or b, I am pretty sure I have a d though.

ME: I have never done that in college, gotten worse than a C on a midterm.

ME: Hopefully I pull off a C with my procrastination/slacker powers.

ME: I wont find out for a week.

ME: I am really going to start doing all the reading now though. Means I will be doing like 60 or 70 pages of reading 7 days a week to get everything done.

ME: So will suck sweaty buttcheeks, but I managed to that a year ago when I had an insane workload.

ME: Dude, I got to post this conversation in a blog. Would you like your alias to be HANK HILL? or do you want to change it up a bit? Dale Gribble? Cotton Hill? Soda Popaski?

ME: or "Guywithearwaxfetish"?

ME: "?fundamentalistMaddendisciple_D_Bag?"

ME: "FamilyFeudFetish"?

Rusty Shackleford: Rusty Shackleford

ME: "Phatman"?

ME: lol

ME: rusty shackleford

ME: Thy will shall be done.

ME: Great mystical being who manages to get enjoyment out of the Turd and Eric awesome show Buttjob

ME: All Praise and glory be done onto you.

ME: I shall make bountiful offerings of 5 hour energy.

Rusty Shackleford: All praise and glory be done to Tim and Eric

Rusty Shackleford: Masters of lulz

ME: That is not funny. Jokes can only go too far before they get distasteful and offensive. That joke is vulgar. Free Speech only goes so far my friend. That is more damaging than public threatening to bring swift death down upon somebody. You shall be incarcerated now.

ME: O wait though I forgot you are a weird mystical being.

ME: So I shall send kratos after you.

ME: And he will make testosteronely manyells as he rips you in half.

ME: You may be a GOD, but you cannot defend against button mashing.

ME: WTF am I talking about.

ME: I noticed you stopped typing. You are probably just taking this all in.

ME: Watever, enjoy my brilliance.

ME: You know what has been bothering me.

ME: Toilets with motion sensors that flush the toilet.

ME: There are pros and cons to these devices.

ME: People are so fucking lazy that they often dont flush, so these things fix that problem. However, if you happened to hate sitting on bare dirty toilet seats like me, automatic flushers detect the movement of you laying down the paper toilet seat cover so sometimes by the time you finally get to sit down on the can, the toilet thinks yoiu walked out of the stall and flushes and gets your ass all wet with splashback because you were not ready for the plumbingness machine to start its duties up!!!!!!

Rusty Shackleford: hahaha

Rusty Shackleford: that has happened to me

ME: I dont get why people dont flush the toilets though. Use a foot. Thats what I do. So I dont gotta touch the nasty metal handle, and that way I am not a wangbreathed asshat that leaves there smelly urine sitting in the toilet for the next lucky arriving citizen in that defiled stall.

ME: Yea it gets maddening sometimes.

ME: I have had to learn a technique to deal with the stupid motion sensor toilets.

ME: I learned to move super slow motion like when sitting down on the can so it doesnt think I am walking away after a dookie drop. I have nearly perfected this method now and have cut down on surprise mid-crap flushed by like 95%

ME: So fuck you technology.

ME: Bring on the rise of the terminators

ME: I can handle that shit if I can trick toilet robots.

Rusty Shackleford: Terminating your bathroom experience prematurely

ME: Exactly, this is how the terminator beta was tested out. They figured if they could interfere with the most intimate and necessary function of the human body that mankind would implode on itself because it could not handle restroom chaos of this manner.

ME: On the other hand, the evil toilet robots do have some much kinder relatives like the motion sensor soap dispenser, motion sensor paper towel dispenser, and karate chop activated water faucet starter (ok you dont have to do a karate chop but if just feels so awesome).

ME: How come I can write such long rants about bathrooms in like 20 minutes, but I procrastinate on a 1 page paper until 3 hours before its due???

ME: A deep question to ponder.

Rusty Shackleford: you have so much passion for the subject of bathrooms

ME: I am getting hungry though..Frozen Taquitos time??? Or should I go with a 12am bowl of cereal?

ME: I know, but honestly we humans have to spend so much time relieving ourselves of waste, that creating a functioning and pleasant experience while doing so is something that I think should be the focus of all of top scientists in the world.

ME: Why is bathroom talk leading to me getting hungry... never mind dont want to think about that.

ME: TTYL Rusty ShackleTurd. I mean Shackleford. My apologies sir.

A short list of things I hate.

This was a no sleep for 40 hours 5 hour energy type of day when I wrote this. You know what that means. Lots of randomness

and of course

There Will Be Poo! Maybe There Will Be Blood! too, depending on what was eaten.

Also. For those of you who are going to start complaining about this Daniel Day-Lewis illustration, I shall give you the backstory so it will make more sense to you. He ate a lot of beans. The opening stages of his bowel movement contained lots of explosive gaseous emissions. Those powerful blasts of poo gas ripped a hole straight through his pants. Consequently, solid poo logs had the escape hatch needed to jump easily into the environment.

Unfortunately I fell asleep before I could add more to this list while in my tired random rant capable state. I spent 34 hours awake and slept for 12 hours after that. I am sure that was super duper great for my body!

Some things I hate.

1. Cheap Scratchy Public Restroom Buttwipes. Ow.

2. Bathroom stalls with no coat hanger on the door. WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY STUFF?? When I have a backpack, a wet umbrella, and a coat I need a freaking hook. I don't want to have to put my umbrella down on the feces covered floor and later have my umbrella drip fecal matter on me when I use it to block the rain. WTF am I supposed to do with my backpack?? The only solution when there is no coat hanger is to find the least damp looking section of the floor and rest my backpack down on that spot, making sure the smallest amount of surface area of the backpack is making contact with that vile surface. For my coat, I have to fold it over the top of the stall. What if some hobo yanks it down and steals it while I am on the crapper? It is not like I can chase after him!!! There is also the risk of someone's fart in the room causing a draft which blows my coat off its perch into the a filthy chunk filled toilet bowl.

I consider myself a connoisseur of crapping, so I know what I am talking about. If any of you reading this have a business or own a turdcake receptacle room building company, spend the mother fucking dollar per stall it costs to put in a hook !!!!!!!!! JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! (quoted from southpark, I love it)

3. People who when riding the bus do not move to the back. Every day I see these dunces standing at the front of the bus staring at you while you are crammed into position next to them. You look behind them and see the whole back of the bus has free standing room. How hard is to walk backwards a few steps? Do these people like standing in the front blocking the walkway so they can brush up against all the old elderly bus riders who smell like moth balls? Perhaps these people refuse to walk to the back of the bus have a bunch of moths living in their bodies' crevices and wish to massacre these moths with old people smell? Hopefully this is the reason. Because otherwise, they are just turdberry eating, crap nuggety, manure breath people that are somehow continuing to survive even with brains full of super yellow dehydratey urine!