A Terrible Journey into the Demon Infested Kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

So anways...Bah. I am like a gaming crackhead. I have been trying to avoid buying more games since I have little money coming in for myself, but stupid deals break down my defenses.

Estarland.com is having a deal where all used games get you free shipping. So I bought Star Wars Battlefront ($12 complete) and Nascar Thunder 2004 (Don't laugh, it was for testing purposes. It was said to have a secret LAN mode that only shows up after you enter a code. I tried it and it works. It was only 4 bucks for a complete copy)

Soon after this, shamestop (gamesuck...gamestool...lamepool...tamedrool ...gameslop...lameslop...flamingplop...LOL, fine ok gamestop) sent me a sinister email declaring that the cruel and oppressive giant corporation was having a buy 2 get 1 free deal on used games. I felt like I was entering into a hostile place, a place rivaling the evil and hostility of the feared kingdom of Boleteria (If you get this reference to this PS3 game you are awesome) The trip to this terrible store of tortured games (who have been ripped of their dignity, their covers and manuals tossed away, leaving them naked, violated, confused. Now they are trapped in a horrible existence, stitting in generic plastic prisons created by the Gamestop corporation.) started out ominously. Their was a great rainstorm that made me have to drive extremely slowly and the roads were all but deserted. It seemed as if the general populice sensed that something was wrong about this gloomy night and hid away to protect their lives.

Once I arrived at the parking lot of this terrible establishment I had to walk swiftly from my car through the relentless pouring rain. This journey was only about 50 feet, but I was drenched to the bone after completing the brisk walk. Before even entering this death dealing gaming shop, I saw , to my horror, 2 sections of shelving sitting outside the store. As the distance between them and I inevitably shortened, I realized that my worst fears had come true. Contained on these shelves were nearly half of this merciless store's Playstation 2 stock. These poor wonderful contributions to the rich history of gaming were placed outside in a horrendous rainstorm with only a small part of the roof covering them from above. I examined these unfortunate fellows and as I had feared nearly all of them were completely drenched. The cases, cover art, and game manuals were all covered in foul smelling water. The proud identities of these games were fading from existence as the ink that made up the manuals and cover art ran off the paper...

I rummaged through the wounded and dying games. I knew most were too far near gaming death and I had to ignore their eery pleading stares and rescue the few games that were only mildly injured from the rain. I grabbed a few that were not yet mortally wounded and were able to be healed with some wipes from my sweater.

Emotionally scarred from the insane watery genocide I had witnessed, I stumbled into the store with my few liberated games. The warmth and dryness of the privileged games in this store only made my rage grow about their gaming brothers who were left for dead just feet away. But I realized I mustn't blame these fortunate games. It was not their fault, but the fault of the evil regime that ran this domain. I gathered up a stack of these dry games and brought them to the counter, a place where many poor games are sold into slavery by their Jack Ass owners. The strange creatures that stood behind this counter looked up at me. While looking into their blank stares, I informed these monsters about the condition of the games outside in the storm. They shrugged and said management told them to do that. So, these 2 masses of flesh in front of me were merely the footsoldiers of a stronger and hidden force...

A Gamestop Employee

A Gamestop Employee Emerging from A Refreshing "Sleeping" Period

These pawns of the gamestop corporation went about their task of finding the game discs for the cases I had brought to them. After a very long time, one of these teenage minions informed me that one of the game cases I had brought them had no disk behind the counter. "SUCH CRUEL TRICKERY", I thought to myself. But I restrained from voicing my rage, realizing this game was beyond saving and I should focus on saving another. I went and picked out another Playstation 2 game and brought it back to these evil employees. After yet another extremely long amount of time, this miniature satan informed me that once again the game for the case I had brought had apparently vanished. "These games are suffering so much that they must be escaping themselves", I thought. "But, without their artwork and manual, they would not last long in the outside world. A lone disc is a vulnerable object in the hostile realities of this bleak world." Again, I cautiously glanced through the store, hoping to find another video game to set free. I found a gameboy advance game and brought it back up to the counter. While operating the cash register, one containing a collection of cash earned through the annihilation of once noble games, I saw a box full of "$1.99 and under games". I looked through the dozens of EA sports and madden games, my expression changing to let these games know that even though they had committed their own atrocities towards gamers in the past, not even they deserved to be presented in paper sleeves like this.

I tried to connect with these strange beings behind the counter by nervously conversing with them. Saying, " I have never seen so many Madden games in my life" while pointing at the box of $1.99 and under games. The amoral employee let out a horrible laugh and said " I wish we could sell all the PS2 games in paper sleeves like that" Immediately, vomit rose up in the back of my throat. I realized that these former normal human beings had lost all traces of humanity now and were but empty shells dealing out the torturous destruction delegated to them by the rulers of the kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

All I could think about was getting out of this repuslive location, while the gamestop minion babbled on and on about taking a survery and being entered into a raffle for some dirty blood-soaked money. After my receipt was handed to me, I walked out of the store. I am a changed person. I shall never forget the things I saw this day. My grateful liberated games will always remind me of why I must avoid this place for as long as I can. But deep down I know, that there is a sick dark side of me that may overtake my sensibilities and con me into returning once again....

Games Liberated From The Kingdom of Gamestoptaria

PS2 SOULS

Gun

Alien Hominid

Sega Classics Collection

Medal of Honor Frontline

Onimusha 2: Samurai's Destiny

Max Payne

Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven

GBA SOULS

Konami Collector's Series: Arcade Advanced

Classic NES Series: Castlevania

I may have hated the cruelty of this sick twisted kingdom of Gamestoptaria , but I am no angel or similar bird-like dead guy. I sold HAZE to these monsters. I hated the game so much that I have commited this terrible atrocitiy in order to ensure the game has a long period of unbearable torture at the hands of Gamestoptaria's demons.

Hopefully though, the unprecedented terribleness of HAZE can slowly eat away at the foundation of this vile kingdom, causing it to one day collapse on top of itself from the rapid manner in which the ASSHATical disease contained in HAZE has spread.

Pictures of My Psychotic Gaming Setup

I finally got a digital camera. Well, I kind of did. I just got a new cell phone with a camera phone in it. I never have had a real digital camera, just a few cheapo keychain digital cameras.

But yea, anyways I tooks some pictures of my gaming setup. Right now I currently have my NES,SNES,N64,GC,PS2, and PS3 all connected to my tv (pc moniter for the ps3) and all the consoles are plugged into an outlet and are ready to be played at a moment's notice. This results in the huge mess of wires you see below. There was lots of meticulous planning involved in the setup of my consoles, despite the tangle of wires left as as side-effect.

This monster of wires and electronics is concentrated in one corner of my room and along basically this entire wall. To the right of this photo you can see 2 surge protectors (just about every outlet is full on them). Not shown in the picture, but located to the right of these wires is my computer desk. I decided to be a maverick and store my computer on it lol. I connect my ps3 to use my pc moniter and PC speakers. My PC moniters is a 19 inch widescreen moniter. It gets hd quality about at 1080i, but since lcd moniters and hdtvs have different resolutions the image is stretched by about 11 percent vertically. I don't really notice this much. It still beats out sdtv by miles.

Moving to the left from the last photo slightly, you can see my 20 inch sdtv. It is nothing special, but is good enough for me right now. It was a budget model (did I really have to tell you?) from bestbuy that I bought 2 years ago. Weirdly enough, it has no headphone jack, yet has 1 set of component inputs. I use that to make my ps2 games look awesome on it. Although, I do wish my tv also had svideo inputs, since svideo cables are usually way cheaper for consoles than component are.

Also in this photo you can see my composite/svideo switch box. This awesome thing lets you plug in 4 composite inputs or svideo inputs and connect it to one composite or svideo jack on your tv. Even better, this model automatically switches to whatever device is turned on and makes it show up on your tv. So, I do not have to get up and manually slide a switch to play different consoles. I just turn on my console and tv and this sexy little box does the rest. O yea, I bought a second and it is on the other side of my tv lol. My tv has 2 sets of composite ins so one switchbox is plugged into each one.

Thos blue and yellow chords you see all over the place are all my internet chords. My ps3, ps2, and gc are all hooked up for online play. They connect to a switch located right behind that composite/svideo switch box.

O yea and that table that my tv is sitting on... 10 bucks from a thrift store. It is not particle board either. It is made from real wood and had a nice glass top. Hells yes for thrift stores

AAAAAAAH!!! A SNES NINJA! Where did he come from? How does he maintain his balance on top of that precarious top-of-tv ledge????

I shall tell you the secret ways of the SNES ninja. My SNES has figured out how to defy the laws of gravity! Well, not really. You see, on the bottom of the SNES there are a bunch of circular indendations where the screws are located. What I did was take a cheap black papermate pen cap and wrap it in scotch tape. Then I just crammed it up in one of the holes where the screw sticks in. This way the pen cap is attached to the SNES and hangs over the front of the tv, so the SNES cannot slide back. It allows us to enjoy many chuckleable laughs at the puny force of gravity which we have totally owned. I also stuck a little tape on the bottom of the SNES near the back for some added humiliation of gravity.

Moving further left and past the tv you will find my N64 and NES stacked on top of my plastic dresser drawers. The top of the dresser drawer has a raised edge so the systems are not in any danger of tumbling to their doom. It looks like I have Conker's Bad Fur Day (Contains the most evil teddy bears ever) stuck in my N64 and a bunch of random crap stacked on top of and around my NES lol.

Getting tired from this grueling 12 foot journey from the one corner of my room to the next ? Well too bad.

At the far left of the tv is my closet. Why I am I showing you my closet? Notice anything unsual or video game related about my closet? You don't? Well, that is ok buddy. It is very well hidden. Discretely covering the front of my closet door is a shoe holder. It works great for keeping my gaming stuff in an accessable location since I am really short on space in this tiny room. At the top, you can see I keep my PS2 controllers, NESc controllers, and SNES controllers. At the bottom all those squares are my entire NES collection which fit nicely in these pockets. You only see about half of the door and shoe organizer in this picture. Lower down I have more NES games, a bunch of n64 games, some SNES games, and a N64 controller stuck in this thing. The only downside to using this is that my closet door cannot close all the way because the hooks are too big at the top of the door. O well.

Well that is it. That is everythi...

Hey! What about your PS2, and GC you sneaky jerkbooger!

Fine, I will show you my genius setup for them. Just keep your pants on lunatic.

WELCOME MORTALS to my electronic batcave located under my tv.

This setup took a lot of planning out. In the back there is my printer and my vcr stacked on top of it. This is so low and far back underneath the tv that it is completely hidding when you are standing in the room. However, when laying on my bed the remote reaches my secluded vcr very well. My printer opens up on the front and that grey flap extends and lays flat in front of it for about a foot. I have to lift it over the GC, and it has about an inch clearance over the top of the PS2 and its wires. If I move either my PS2 or GC backwards or sideways at all it will block my printers, so I layed down tape on the floor to mark where the corner of each console should be located.

The 2 cylinder things at the front are just containers of blank cds and dvds. They are just serving as weights to hold that rolled up black tshirt in place. No, I am not punishing the t-shirt. I layed it there on the floor to act as a bumper to lint and other crap that likes to creep across the floor and terroize my consoles.

I know some of you may be on the verge of insanity from peering into the madness that is my console setup, but fear not I have provided some relief.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S1NFH3W2IM&feature=player_profilepage

Watch some cars get totalled in my Burnout 3 video for PS2. There is also a short (made in microsoft paint ) extremely crudely animated intro at the start of this video.