Lazyhoboguy's Blog

Should I bother to keep blogging here?

2011-08-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

I have really just been using this blog to backup my blogs from my gamespot profile since that is where I originally started blogging. I have stopped moving them over here for the past few months though because it didn't seem worth the effort really.

I don't think really anyone reads my blog here? I never see comments on them. Maybe you all are just shy? lol. I seem to have followers somehow though haha. If you think it's worth the effort for me to continue posting my blogs here let me know.

It's time for me to admit that I am an addict...

2011-03-27T16:21:00.001-07:00

That's right. I have an addiction. I have been struggling with this for years. I first became obsessed with this stimulant as a child. All it took was one try and then I was hooked for life. This would be a tragic tale if my addiction were something really bad. Luckily I am just addicted to the Civilization series.

My Addiction: From Its Birth to Its Present Condition

I think I played my first Civilization game when I was like 10 years old. I tried it at my uncle's house and really enjoyed it. A little while later I got Civilization 2 (PC) for Christmas I believe. A few year later I got Civilization 3. A couple weeks ago I got Civilization Revolution on DS.Civilization 2 and 3 are some of the most replayable games ever made. I have probably played each for like 100s of hours. The game map and neighboring civilizations you encounter spawn randomly every game. The game never plays the same way twice.

They are turn-based strategy games where you control and grow your civilization from their primitive state to a modern age where you can toss nukes at your neighbors.You build citiies, roads, irrigation, and mines. You can engage in diplomacy with your neighbore and make peace treaties and alliances. You can of course build tons of different types of military units to conquer the world which is full of jerkface asshatical computer-controlled neighbors. Or you can try to win the game by other means like cultural domination or being the first to reach the moon. The amount of stuff you can do in these games is mind boggling.

These 2 games are also super addictive. If you intend to play for 30 minutes, you will glance up at the clock a bit later and notice 3 hours have passed and you still won't want to stop playing lol. A game of civilization 3 typically takes me abou 20 hours to complete. After I finish a game of Civilization 3 I don't want to play it for a little bit. If I wait a few weeks and start a game again it's just as addicting and feels as fresh as before. Not many games can do that. I have been playing a game of Civilization 3 every month or so for probably at least 5 years. Before that I played Civilization 2 as much or more (since I had more free time).

This week my addiction worsened. I played my copy of Civilization Revolution on DS for the first time.

Hearing about this game being released on a handheld video game system made me crap myself with glee when I first heard about it. Knowing that Civilization Revolution DS was waiting for me was one of the main reasons why I spent 130 bucks on a DS Lite this past winter. Finally this month I bought a copy of the game for around 15 bucks and played it for the first time this week.

Did I like it? Well the first time I turned it on I played it for 3 hours straight. That night I played it for a few mor hours. That morning I played it for 2 hours. The cycle continued all week.

This is a great portable strategy game. It is still turn-based like its PC brothers, but it has been simplified a bit. I was a tad worried it would feel to basic after the more complex PC versions, but was happy to discover there was no such problem. Everything that makes Civilization great is still in the DS version. The game is still very deep and has lots of ways for you to play the game. You can win by military force, cultural achievements, and by a space race (technological achievements) just like the PC games. Most of the stuff from the PC versions is still in this game, but things work a bit differently. For example in this game roads are built in the ciy management screen where you can buy roads to connect specific cities to each other. It means connecting your cities with roads is less of a hassle than on Civ 2 and 3. There are tons more examples of stuff like this where mechanics from the PC games are altered a bit to be more streamlined for the portable version.Also, The controls in this game work surpisingly well. You can decide to use the stylus a lot or a little based on your preference. I like using the dpad and buttons most of the time though. The game feels different enough from the PC versions that it doesn't feel like a half-assed copy of the computer versions. You can tell a lot of thought went into this portable version to make it a unique Civilization experience.

This game is just as addicting as Civilization 2 and 3. Each game seems to take about 5 or 6 hours in Civilization Revolution. That is a lot shorter than Civilization 3's 20 hour games and you would think it would be better for my addiction since 6 hours is much smaller an amount of time than 20. You thought wrong though. When I finish a 20 hour Civilization 3 game I want to take a break for awhile before I start a new one. After playing with tanks, bombers and nukes for the last hours of the game it feels too annoying to go back to warriors, archers, and legions for awhile. However, since Civilzation Revolution's games only last 6 hours that feeling of needing a break from the game never happens for me. Once I finish a game, a few hours later I have no problem starting a brand new game and getting addicted.

The game also has online multiplayer. I tried finding players for it, but had no luck. I don't care too much though since I never buy these games for the multiplayer.

My addiction to this portable Civilization game has had a positive effect though. It has actually helped me fix my sleep schedule lol. I have a problem normally of waking up multiple times and going back to sleep and then sleeping for far too long. Since I got this game though when I wake up I'd rather play my DS and this game than go back to sleep lol. So thank you Sid Meier for fixing my sleep schedule.

I realize that I will never escape my Civilization addiction. It's time for me to get some help. Or maybe I should get Civilization Revolution on PS3...

When it comes to replayability, Timesplitters: Future Perfect is perfect.

2011-02-22T05:08:00.000-08:00

I originally wrote this for my blog on Destructoid.com. They asked us to blog about a game that we found extremely replayable, a game that kept us coming back to it a crapload of times.

Hmm. When I first heard the Monthly Musing topic a few games I routinely play over and over again flashed through my gamer mind. Civilization 3 (PC), Worms Armageddon (PC), Rez (PS2), Sniper Elite (PS2), Demon's Souls (PS3), and many other games I replay a ton were considered for this blog by the lazyhoboguy who is currently writing it. I realized though that one game I own is the king, the queen, and the undisputed top monkey of replayability. The game of which I speak is:

Halo… No, jk it's Timesplitters: Future Perfect.

Why do I love this game so much? Why have I played this game for: 4 days 14 hours 8 mins 27 secs? Well, actually I have played it for about 3 days longer that. My first profile got corrupted when I stupidly shut down my game on a saving screen. I was actually sort of happy I had to start over since I liked the game so much lol. But I am getting distracted. I need to get my ass and its short attention span back on track. Why the hell do I have such a boner for this game you want to know?

Some Funny Fucks Made This Game

Well, unlike Halo, Call of Duty, Ghost Recon, and all the other serious shooters out there Timesplitters: Future Perfect has a great sense of humor and never takes itself seriously. It still has great First Person Shooter gameplay with all the violence, beheadings, and blood spraying everywhere you could want, but It manages to make you crack up while doing so.

For example: The game has monkeys! Lots of them. You can shoot monkeys in the game a lot. There is a ninja monkey. There is a robot monkey. There is a zombie monkey. You get to shoot them, in the face even, if you are feeling particularly cruel. If you still are not interested in this game then you have no soul. That halo monkey image above was made by the developers themselves to tease Timesplitters 4. But oh man don't get me started on that since it looks like it will never be coming out now *Weeps in Corner*.

The game also has like 100 characters to choose from for multiplayer. They each have a unique phrase they will say when you pick them. They each have a little backstory you can read in the main menu too. There are zombies, a snowman, a duck, a dinosaur, a grizzly bear, a giant sock puppet, a handful of demented clowns, a gingerbread man, various robots, and tons of other crazy characters to choose from.

Another reason I have a hard on for this game is that the game's color palette isn't completely brown and grey. The developers of Timesplitters: Future Perfect had this nutty idea to actually make their levels and characters colorful. So many shooters like to make all their levels look like someone just smeared shit all over everything and blocked out all color. Not Timesplitters. Although a shit joke wouldn't be out of place in the Timesplitters series lol.

One more reason I am stimulated by Timesplitters : Future Perfect. The game runs really smoothly. As in, the frame rate is constantly steady and animations look awesome for this reason. The game doesn't turn into a slideshow when the action on screen picks up like so many other shooters.

Another thing about this game that makes my body all excite (Regie + Borat joke if you are confused) is the fact that this game has creative and fun to use weapons. There are machines guns, pistols, and shotguns of course, but there are also tons of less generic weapons. There is a flare gun which shoots a flare. Shocking right, but it spirals out of the gun unpredictably and is hard to hit people with, but if you do it's a one hit kill. You can also duel yield these. They are sort of like the games rocket launcher and are incredibly fun to use. Another neat weapon in the game is called the injector. If you shoot someone enough with it your opponent will start swelling up and their body will expand before your eyes until their gooey innards explode out through them and blood splatters all over the walls and ceiling. The nasty gory explosion can kill you if you stand in it too lol. Oh yea you can also just grab a brick and throw it at someone's face, or you can pick up a baseball bat and just start wailing on people. It is soooo satisfying.

I haven't even really talked about the singleplayer or multiplayer yet. There is just too much awesomely awesome awesomeness to talk about when it comes to Timesplitters: Future Perfect ! Well the single player is humorous and fun and it has you jumping through tons of different time periods, hence the name of the game. This is great for the gameplay because it means you are constantly tossed into radically different environments, using completely different weapons, and fighting totally different enemies. The single player campaign can also be played with split screen co-op. The single player is quite fun, but it is not the highlight of the game.

Sexy Multiplayer Is Sexy

Now for the multiplayer. Oh how I love this game's multiplayer. It is like Goldeneye 007/Perfect Dark and modern shooters had a super awesome cool baby that likes beating the crap out of monkeys.

Deal with it monkeys.

The Timesplitters series is known for its great multiplayer and it's worth buying Timesplitters: Future Perfect for it alone. The multiplayer is super fast paced. Your character moves fast, you instantly respawn and are back in the action. There is no silly irritating 15 second respawn timer to punish you for dying. You immediately are returned into the game and are free to seek out revenge on the jerk who previously terminated your video game life.

The multiplayer is great too because it is insanely customizable. You can make your own weapon sets. You can put in powerups. You can turn on character abilities if you like so each character has special qualities. The multiplayer has tons of game modes as well. Deathmatch is the most fun in my opinon, but they have many more to choose from. Some of the more creative ones are Shrink, Virus, and Monkey Assistant. In shrink your actual character size is determined by how well you are currently doing. If you are in first place your character is full size. If you are in last place you are a teeny tiny midget that is very hard to hit. It is pretty funny. In Virus one person starts off infected and tries to just touch other people to infect them too. The last person in the game who isn't infected wins. It is pretty terrifying when a horde of infected foes is running at you. Monkey Assistant is sort of like Shrink in that it aids struggling players. In this mode though it lets the person in last place gain an entourage of violent homicidal monkeys who lash out any one who dares to come near their new buddy.

The game also had an online mode. Which I heard was amazing. Unfortunately this game was published by the evil company Electronic Arts who like to pull down online servers for games after 2 days.

The servers were shutdown in 2007, just 2 years after the game came out. Luckily, the game also has bots for offline and split screen multiplayer and they are very customizable as well. I have spent many hours just playing against the bots. All hope for playing the game online was not lost once Electronic Asshats (EA) shut down the game's online servers though, since Free Radical included a LAN mode. Through free LAN tunneling programs like Xlink Kai which you run on your PC, you can still play this game online. I do so about once a week with other people from: http://www.ps2onlinegaming.com

Other Awesomeness Found In The Game

Errrmm, so what I am forgetting. Oh yea, is multiplayer not your thing? Well included in the game are tons of challenges and an arcade league mode. If you are into game types where you try to best your high score, you will love this. You get rewarded with trophies which unlock new characters, cheats, and other goodies for you by doing this. That is just icing on the fucking awesome cake since these modes are ridiculously fun by themselves. You can race cats for example. You can fight a never ending horde of undead monkeys. You can break all the plates and windows in a Chinese restaurant. They pretty much came up with everything.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG. This blog is getting soo long. I can't help it though. There is too much about this game that's awesome and the gospel of Timesplitting must be preached to you gamers! Here is a nice relaxing picture of a to give you a break from my blog.

Don't Give Me That Look! I Didn't Make That Image!

Alright Bert, calm the fuck down. No need to slaughter me and feast on my brain like you did to Ernie last night. I will get back to Timesplitters talk.

Ok, So before Bert unleashes his puppet rage at me I will talk about the Mapmaker in Timesplitters: Future Perfect. It is a little awesome thing in the game that lets you design your own multiplayer maps. You can also create your own story levels. Like, you can create your own freaking game basically. The tools allowed in this Mapmaker are somewhat basic, but you can create really crazy cool stuff with it. People like this level creator so much that they are still messing around with it and coming up with new cool junk with it. A forum is setup for advocates of this feature of the game. Go here if you are interested in learning how to get the most out of the Mapmaker feature of the game and want to try out other people's creations: http://s7.zetaboards.com/Rec_Room/forum/9680/

I have made a few multiplayer maps and story levels myself. If my whoring out of them didn't make you disgusted you can check them out here: http://www.youtube.com/user/Lazyhoboguy#g/c/E3655BA31343C558

I am sure I am still leaving out some stuff about how ridiculously amazing and replayable this game is, but this blog has to come to end sometime and that time is now. I may have posted this in an old blog before but I cannot remember. Anyways, I shall leave you with this video of me turning a monkey into a terrorist in Timesplitters: Future Perfect. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALLaknDeOYk

TLDR Version

Buy Timesplitters: Future Perfect and play it or Bert is going to find you, kill you, and feast on the tasty brains inside your skull. Then he is going to have a blood orgy with his sick Sesame Street pals. You don't want that to happen do you? Well, play the game then god dammit.

My Gaming Backlog

2011-01-13T03:20:00.000-08:00

I just updated my game collection list for the first time in months. I am nearing 100 ps2 games yay!

http://lazyhoboguy.webs.com/

For the first time I ever I decided to go through my games and list my backlog.

Here are games I own but have never even played once. I did not include games I started for a level and never went back too, so really this backlog could be 2 times as big if I included that. It is bad enough that I own this many games that I have never even really touched once. Some of these games are new purchases in the last few months, but many have been sitting in my collection for years.

My Shameful Backlog. These poor forgotten games...

Genesis (Do Not Own System Yet)
Dragon Ball Z

Dreamcast
Virtua Tennis

Game Boy
Kirby's Pinball Land

GBA
Iridion II

Nintendo Entertainment System
Bases Loaded 2: Second Season
Captain Skyhawk
Dragon Warrior
Ghost 'n Goblins
John Elway's Quarterback
Legends of the Diamond
Super Spike V'Ball
SUper Sprint
The Blues Brothers
The Legend of Zelda
Top Player Tennis
Zelda II: The Adventure of LInk

SNES
Chuck Rock
Desert STrike
NBA Hang Time
Super Mario Kart
Super Mario World
T2: The Arcade Game
Tecom Super Bowl
TNN Bass Tournament of Champions

N64
Mario Golf
Pokemon Snap
Star Fox 64
Star Wars Episode 1: Racer

Gamecube
Lugi's Mansion
Star Wars: Rogue Leader

PS2
Alien Hominid
Ape Escape 3
Brothers in Arms Road to Hill 30
Crash 'N' Burn
Crash Tag Team Racing
Dead to Rights
Deus Ex: The Conspiracy
Half-Life
Intellivision Lives!
Jak 3
Manhunt 2
Max Payne
Metal Gear Solid: The Essential Collection (MGS2 and MGS3)
NASCAR Thunder 2004
Onimusha 2: Samurai's Destiny
Psi-Ops The Mindgate Conspiracy
Rogue Trooper
Second Sight
Shinobi
Sky Odyssey
SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals: Combined Assault
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom
SSX
Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Lockdown
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4
Twisted Metal Black
Viewtiful Joe 2

PS3
Tekken 6

Xbox 1
Farcry Instincts Evolution
Mechassault
Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee
Pocket Bike Racer
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay

Some Other News

I havent written a blog about my gaming shenanigans in awhile and I have played too many games to write in depth about them all. So, I will just briefly mention some of the games and stuff I have played.

Bought a new handheld gaming system

You guys are going to be so jealous!!! I just bought Nintendo's new cutting edge handheld system!!! No not the 3ds you silly farts, I got a DS lite finally with Mario Kart DS. I think the DS came out in 2004 right? Meh I am only 7 years behind with handhelds. I plan to get a 3DS in 2018 then haha.

I am really enjoying Mario Kart DS. It ads in the drifting and drifting boosts from Mario Kart: Double Dash on Gamecube and it still managed to control very well. The online mode is kind of cool too, but I wish you could race with more than 4 people online. Having Mario Kart on a handheld is really awesome.

Although I should say that I ran into something I really really hate in Mario Kart DS. In the balloon battle you start with one baloon and have to blow into your microphone to inflate your other 2 balloons. WTF. NO. I am not blowing spit over my new $130 piece of electronics like an idiotic assnut. I refuse. You can hold down the select button instead of blowing into the microphone like a mental patient, but it works slower. They actually put you at a disadvanage in that mode for not wanting to spray your saliva all over your DS...

Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus Completed and Sly 2 started (Playstation 2)

Played through Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus recently and I had an absolute blast playing this game. I had not played a 3d platformer in awhile and it was quite fun to do so again. The game had great level designs and threw in stealth gameplay to change things up.

I started up Sly 2 very recently and I am a bit dissapointed with it. It is still fun, but it feels completely different than Sly Cooper 1. They threw in some open world aspects into the game that sorta bug me. Also the game feels like more of an action game and stealth game than a platformer. Seems like 60 percent of your missions now revolve around pick pocketing people or following people.

Oh and fuck you Sucker Punch for having no option to turn off the inverted camera controls. I mean just CMON. I hate it when developers force you to use either inverted or noninverted controls. How hard is it to include the option to switch the inversion? I heard the Sly Collection on the PS3 fixes this issue, so I think I will stop playing SLy 2 on PS2 and wait to continue the game on the Sly PS3 collection.

Pac-Man Championship Edition DX (PS3)

Dammit. I bought a downloadable game a couple months ago. I felt dirty after doing so. However, I could not resist buying the game for 9.99 after playing the demo. The game is just simply amazing. I put in a ton of hours into this game already. I don't see myself ever getting tired of it. I really hope they release this on a disc though, so I can have a REAL not digital copy lol.

Some games I have been playing.

2010-10-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

Unreal Tournament 3

I am a console gamer primarily. I do not enjoy PC controls for first person shooters as they cramp up my boney long fingers. So no matter how superior PC mouse and keyboard controls may be for shooters, if they cramp my hands up I dont give a rat's possibly plague-ridden behind about them.

So as a consequence, I had never really played an unreal game. It is a series that is for PC gamers primarily and I had heard there were some decent console ports of some of the games in the series, but I never got around to trying them. My friend kept urging me to pick up this game and I finally did. I am quite happy I purchased it. The multiplayer in this game is so refreshing to me. Like the weapons are creative. There are so many nutty weapons that just make me happy when using them. It is nice to play with unrealistic weapons after playing so many realistic games with generic military guns. This game, on the other hand, has tons of awesome digital death hastening aids. There is a biorifle which shoots balls of toxic sludge. There is a rocket launcher that can shoot 3 rockets at once or shoot 3 grenades. There is a combo rocket launcher/shotgun gun. There is that cool gun that shoots a ball of energy and if you hit it with another shot it makes a huge explosion. Even the default pistol (enforcer) is freaking fun to use.

Also, this game actually has bots! The bots in the game's multiplayer arent actually brain damaged like in a lot of FPSes! I can play hours just fighting swarms of these surprisingly challenging bots! Also, the online mode of this game is just as fun. The one con for controller users like myself is that a lot of online players use keyboard and mouse setups and woop your ass because of it. You can try to find controller only matches, but there arent many. Oh well, the bot multiplayer alone in this game is worth the purchase price.

The single player is pretth meh. It is basically just a bunch of bot batches loosely strung together by some cheesy story.

This game's multiplayer just has a really fun addicting quality to it that I have not experienced in a shooter in a long time. Compared to all the realistic shooters that basically are centered around camping this game is just extremely refeshing.

There is one thing that drives me absolutely to the point of gaming nerd rage in the online mode though. You can have bots in the online mode of the game (a great feature), but the developers made no visual distinction between the names of bots and real players. So most times I have no idea if I am facing bots or real people. Like some of the bot names sound like typical psn usernames. This starts to get really annoying because if they had just put a little bot symbol or highlighted each bot name this annoyance could have been solved in like 5 minutes of development time probably.

Urban Chaos: Riot Response (PS2)

I used to play this a ton 2 or 3 years ago, but hadn't touched it since. Recently I started replaying it, and to my surprise this game still holds up and is very fun.

This was developed by Rocksteady. They developed that new batman game that everybody seems to be in love with, although I have not played it myself.

This game features a unique gameplay twist to the first person shooter genre. The game is based around your use of a riot shield. Basically, if you dont want to die very quickly, you need to hold up your shield. It can block bullets, knives, fire, etc. But you cannot shoot while you have it up and bullets knock you backwards when it hits your shield. Also, if you bash in peoples faces with it blood will get all over it and obstruct your view. The more it gets shot up too, the harder it is to see through it. You can toss some weapons over the shield like grenades and knives however.

This game is also a blast to play because its just so over the top. The enemy in the game is a bunch of crazed lunatic gang members who all wear hockey masks. They regularly shout hilarious insults and obscenities at you throughout the game. This game also has some cheesy real life newscast type of intros for the levels which is kind of cool.

One negative I must mention though, is that this game's frame rate is not the best. It is not an unplayable game because of its frame rate problems, but it is pretty noticeable that the frame rate is frequently not too smooth.

I uploaded some gameplay footage of this game: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3gcWtq7hb4

Also I uploaded some footage of me just being a huge asshat towards the friendly A.I. characters in the game: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7Np-PL0RiU&feature=related

I shall end this blog in a disgraceful spammy nature

Another long time Playstation 2 online and PS2 LAN tunneling (with Xlink Kai) user and I recently created a website called:

ps2onlinegaming.com

The purpose of this site is to make it easy for Playstation 2 online gamers to meet up and schedule some online vidya games. Also, we use the website to plan LAN tunneling matches using a program called XLink Kai (their website). Xlink Kai is a program that runs on your PC that allows you to play Playstation 2 games online basically forever since it tricks the games LAN mode into thinking other players across the internet are playing with you. So if any of you are interested in PS2 online gaming or in trying to LAN tunnel Playstation 2 games, check out this site!

Otherwise I am afraid to inform you that this cute little man eating freak of nature will have to take a bite out of your ass.

Damn you google image search. Why must you show me disturbing images every time I use you. I was just searching for an innocent picture of a kitten. Instead I get this thing. Well I was searching for that innocent kitten picture so that I could threaten to fart on it if you did not visit the above website, but still.

Asscramps and Mirror's Edge impressions.

2010-08-28T15:06:00.001-07:00

Asscramps

Was looking for a picture from that episode where Homer's ass leaves an indentation in the couch cushion. Couldn't find it, so look at this instead. Also, the new google image layout is freaking horrible. It looks like a crappy photobucket album.

My ass has been cramping up the last few days. I had not been doing anything different really. These uncomfortable nagging aches located in my buttocks were starting to greatly annoy me. After some stellar detective work, I discovered the culprit for my butt pain. The ass cushion on my computer chair is finally starting to get worn enough that when I sit on it my ass sinks through the aging cushion and hits the hard bottom of the chair. This displeases me greatly. This computer chair is only 2 years old. I guess now I must go buy a pillow specifically for placing under my ass when sitting on this chair. A lifetime of lying beneath my ass surely will be a horrible and smelly existence for that poor unfortunate pillow. I often am quite gassy…

If you are ready for some news not related to my ass, please continue on with the blog. If for some strange reason you want to gain a deeper understanding about my ass's daily exploits, please reread the preceding paragraph.

Gaming

I have finally reached the point where I have too many consoles in my room to have them all hooked up at once. My composite switches are full, so when I got the dreamcast it had just been sitting all lonely in a corner of my room unhooked from the tv. I really wanted to play it, so I had to decide on which one of my currently hooked up consoles to disconnect for now. It was a tough decision to make, but my SNES was chosen to be unhooked. I have not been playing it really at all since I am still far from done exploring the NES's gaming library. Plus, I need a controller extension wire for the SNES before I can really play it. Well I could play it without it, but I would have to sit like 2 feet from the tv.

Well I haven't blogged in forever really about what I have been playing. I have been jumping around from a lot of different games this summer. I got readdicted to Demon's Souls for 2 weeks and went from like level 5-60 in that period. I started a new character for my third playthrough of the game. I wanted to focus on magic more this time, so I picked a magician. It sure was nice starting off with a ranged attack. For my first character I started off as a barbarian who was only armed with a club.

Mirror's Edge

I also finally starting playing Mirror's Edge on PS3. I had remembered enjoying the demo a lot for this game so I purchased this game for 12 dollars new off amazon a few months back. I have played this game for several hours so far and I can kind of see why this game is so cheap now. The game is very unique, has a colorful environment, and in certain situations can be very fun to play. However, a lot of the time the problems in this game overtake the positive aspects of it and the game eft me extremely frustrated and disappointed with it.

The gameplay in this game has you basically running fast, jumping across rooftops, sliding down stuff, and combining these types of moves to quickly get to some intended area in the game.

In levels that are designed good the game is a lot of fun, but far too often you are repetively slowly climbing over fences or pipes, or you have really no idea where you are supposed to go. Like, the game highlights small areas red to show you where you need to go. This works well since the environment is mostly white. The problem is that most of the time the object you need to jump on or grab doesn't turn red until you are like 6 inches in front of it…

Another problem I have with this game. The combat is just plain awful. For some reason DICE, the developers, felt that horrible gunplay and melee fighting was needed in this game. Way too often you are having lots of fun jumping and sliding over stuff, but then you run into a pack of 5 guys with machine guns who mow you down in seconds since the fighting controls are so crappy.

Due to all these annoyances, I have taken a break from the game. I knew this game had a lot of problems before I played, so I think I can deal with them and finish the game. I just hope in the sequel that they iron out the numerous annoying problems in the game. I am still shocked that EA published a new creative type of game, so I can understand how things turned out not completely perfect in it.

Errr well, the blog is already starting to get a bit long, so I will end it here. I have been playing too many games lately so this blog could go on forever if I don't stop it now.

Drunkness to kill boredom = rambling blog about boredom survival

2010-07-13T00:01:00.001-07:00

IT has been over a month since my last blog. Deal with it.

I am normally not one to partake in the mood altering mind boggling effects of alcoholic beverages, but since I am house sitting for my parents for over a week I needed some cheap entertainment. You see, there is no cable television or decent caliber of internet speed here. I brought few video games with me because I planned to only stay for a mere 3 or 4 days. However, it was requested of me that I stay for nearly 2 weeks, so now I am trapped here with only a very small number of NES games and GC games. Boredom has constantly been on the offensive, trying to destroy my very existence. It nearly had won its nefariously started war, but I managed to trick the sly beast of boredom with an expertly blended amount of cheapness powers.

Here is a list of items needed to follow my now proven winning strategy to combat cruel mind- deflating boredom.

Item 1: Used Dreamcast from a thrift store for 25 bucks.

It came with a fishing controller, a normal controller and all wires. I also picked up a demo disc of several Dreamcast games for 2 bucks. This disc helped me confirm that the Sega Dreamcast indeed did function at the optimal level I expected of such a console. Unfortunately, it also has tormented my soul or whatever you may call a persons inner essence or imaginary sense of being. These brief glimpses of potentially amazing or mediocre games that are momentarily forced into my brain's consideration are such a tease. I cannot help but want to play the complete games to reach an ultimate conclusion on whether each game will deserve to hold a coveted and respected spot in my permanent gaming collection.

Item 2: Megadeth CD "Cryptic Writings"

Which is currently playing on the before mentioned Dreamcast with the additional aid of a 14 inch television set which has finally found a way to make up for its unimpressive screen size. Here is a fun fact that I recently just discovered. Playing CDs on the Dreamcast results in the display of a spinning CD on your television screen. This swiftly revolving virtual representation of a compact disc is split into 2 magical halves of separate yet equally intriguing colors. One is white and one is red. A hole in the middle of a CD is shown as well. This hole in the direct center of the spinning CD, in addition to the two perhaps merely coincidental combination of colors, cannot help but stir up a thought in my mind. This image flaunted before me brings up memories of a Poke Ball. If I was Dale Gribble, I would launch into countless conspiracy theories in a sort of deranged attempt to justify this eerie occurrence. If I truly was Dale Gribble, the potential spreading of the already frighteningly powerful influence of the world of Pokemon would be of immense concern to me. I am not Dale Gribble ,however, so I am left on my own to wonder what this strange visual sign means….

Get the hell away from my newly acquired used Dreamcast you Pokefreaks!!!!!!

Item 3: "5 Hour Energy"

The purpose this aquiring this bottle, which is full of a mixed batch of potential future positive and negative consequences, is to keep me awake after being up for more than 24 hours in my crazy reckless near impossible mission to return my sleep schedule to a normal state of affairs.

Item 4: $3 Vodka!!!!!!!

Really. It cost freaking 3 dollars. I cannot believe this still. It is 3 dollar vodka for 3 dollars! For a mere 300 pennies I have acquired one of the finest and fanciest varieties of Vodka available in this fine United States of America. The name of this brand of vodka, one containing an epic amount of quality formerly unknown to my simple mind, a mind which was in the past and probably in the future still will be an irregular partaker in the realm of gulping down alcoholic beverages, is eloquently stated as " VIP Select Premium Vodka" .Does that packaging look like it's made of glass to you? I hate to inform you but it just isn't. It is created from cheap plastic like that found in a water bottle. The cap is like a twist off 2-liter bottle of soda cap. C-lassy isn't it?

Item 5: Something to drown out the taste of a horrible tasting and previously unwisely praised 3 dollar Vodka. This miracle drink would be called Orange Juice.

I did not notice this in the store but apparently the particular type of orange juice that I acquired contains

"Juicy Rewards". I was for quite a long moment of time terribly confused as to the meaning of this strange trademarked slogan that covered the front of my carton of liquefied oranges. Through expert detective work ( 5 minutes of reading random different parts of the box in a drunken frenzy) I discovered that a mystical code of numbers and letters lived beneath the cap of this purchased box of once solid oranges. Apparently, if you are some sort of crazy hoarder person that collects millions of these things you can in about twenty or thirty years earn enough magical beneath the cap points to acquire some prize. I can only guess the prizes are plastic and made in sweatshops overseas and worth about 30cents. Good job I guess Tropicana…….

Conclusion to the Blog??!?!?!?!?!?

While a normal person would at this point in this blog realize that enough nonsense had already been unleashed onto the poor unlucky readers of this massacre of the whole notion of writing in a decent manner,
you obviously fail to realize that I am an AssHat sometimes. No, I do not mean that my Ass gets chilly and requires a hefty cap for warmth on occasion. Nor do I mean that my head is often adorned with an Ass shaped hat. I mean that I am an AssHat. An AssHat like myself is a person that can be so uttterly ridiculous that merely calling them an Ass does not suffice to convey the magnitude of their treachery. NO! An extra word is desperately needed to be joined to the word Ass. That word is Hat. It shows that I am no mere Ass, but an Ass that needs the word Hat also attached to that already vile word. I am sure that must have cleared up the meaning of the word AssHat for you now. If it is still not clear to you, perhaps it because I am an AssHat and my explanations about my nature cannot be trusted?

So, anyways. Unfortunately for you, my blog shall continue for no valid reason. Deal with this as you see fit. Pull out your hair, punch a wall, throw a barrage of uncooked eggs at those in life who you dislike. I do not care how you react or overact to the news that this already lengthy blog is not coming to a desperately wished for halt. But you must find some way to deal with it, because onward this blog continues to flow….

Welcome to the drunk ramblings of a lazyhobodrunk. Enjoy them or swiftly fly your mindplane into the inescapable airspace of insanity. I was obviously quite drunk when this was written. Soo dont expect that there them fancy grammmmarz. I did do quite a bit of editing just to make it readable though since drunkness means lots of tpos. See how nice I am?

ME: bwag
DG:whut
ME: up on 5 hour energy and 3 dollar vodka
DG:3 dollar vodka
DG:wow ure cheap
DG:lol
DG:soem skoal?
ME: lmao its the cheapest shit ever
ME: cant believe it
ME: its so bad
ME: like the case is plastic
ME: has a twist off cap
ME: like a bottle of soda
ME: lmao
ME: 3 bucks!
DG:lol well yea
ME: wat a deal
DG:thahts what cheap alcohol comes in
ME: mix with orange juice
ME: nasty taste erased
DG:i could never get into that mix
DG:didnt liek it
DG:its better with coke
ME: its basically just to water it down
ME: water works the same lol
DG:lol eww no
ME: i like orange juice normally
ME: so good combo
DG:best combo
DG:rum and coke
DG:if u use the right amount
ME: im so bored here I actually bought some 3 dollar
vodka lmao
DG:u cnt taste any alcohol

ME: want skype

ME: so u can hear me be stupid.

ME: rambled at [Some guy, name changed for anonymity] for awhile before lol
DG:lmao wow
ME: I am not very drunk really, just like 2 or 3 shots
DG:u pussy
ME: I am part irish so doesnt affect me that much
ME: lol
DG:u better take at least 2 more shots
ME: well I had 3 shots earlier
ME: just had 2 more now
DG: Or else whatst he point in drinking cheap liquore
ME: wears off too quickf
ME: forgot that about vodka
ME: last like an hour
DG:lol
DG:tats why u gotta drink a ton really fast
DG:then it lasts, lol
ME: but still like better than beer or something that
gets you really full and feeling like a fat texan gut man
DG:lol well good beer
DG:can get u pretty messed up fast
ME: meh, but it taste like ass, unless u drink slow
with some food
DG:nah its just an aquired taste,plus good beer taste
better than any regular shit.
DG:i have tried many varieties
DG:i know
ME: yeaq i dont drink much beer
ME: so probably just not used to it
ME: like hank
DG:lol
DG:hank only drinks one kind
ME: regular alchohol purchases cost too much anyways
ME: im too cheap for that
DG:he is not cultured
ME: id drink some cool tasty alamaos though
ME: see wat all the arlen folk fuss is about
DG:lol some company needs to make alomo beer
ME: if its good enough for the assistant manager at
strickland propane its sure as heck good enough for me god dangit
DG:lol
ME: lol this vodka is made in usa
ME: see supporting my country
ME: patriotism
ME: and all that shit.
DG:lol
DG:thats how u know it sucks
ME: hopefully I am supporting small town alren folk
DG:the only good alcohol is importer
ME: who make the vodka from rotten potatoes
DG:polish
ME: meh u just say that cus ur part polish
DG:no really
ME: all vodka ive tried taste like ass pretty much
DG:theres a polish vodka
DG:made from potatoes
ME: but I like it cus it gets u drunk squick
ME: without nasty beer full gut feeling
DG:too bad you dont live in the midwest
DG:the store i work at
DG:has their own brand of vodka
DG:and its amazing
ME: lol I think this was a store brand
ME: it has a funny generic name
DG:the kind from jewel is called frost
DG:and theres liek a million flavors of it
ME: I am blasting some megadeth from my dreamcast and
tv
ME: dreamcast already paying off
DG:lol
ME: no dvd player back here
ME: had to improvise
ME: computer has trouble reading dics
ME: ty dreamcast!
ME: winning over my gamer heart already
ME: and the art stuff when music plays looks funny
ME: shows a cd spinning
ME: is red on one half and white on the other
DG:yea
ME: looks like a pokeball
DG:lol
ME: it does
ME: ash ketchup is playing my music
DG:lol
ME: finally is doing something right
ME: Fuck trying to find microsoft word so I can write
a stupid drunk person blog
ME: cant fucking find it ugh
ME: ah nvm
ME: found it
ME: no fucking shortcut on this shit pc
DG:lol
ME: god dammit opened meebo twice and didn't realize
ME: like thought why the fuck did aim close
DG:because ur using windows
ME: god ddammit
ME: been trying to upload some pics to photobucket for
like 20 mins
ME: accidentally opened up a new set of tabs so
photobucket deissapeared it seemed
ME: but it was just hiding in tab set 2
DG: ohrly?
ME: myep
ME: god damn tho
ME: 300 dollar vodka is such a deal
ME: its only half gone
ME: and I am semi pretty drunk right now
ME: 3 bucks!
ME: fuck yea
DG:lol im not that cheap
ME: didnt know u could vodka that cheap until today
DG:how do u think homeless people get drunk?
ME: my stomach will probably catapult from my mouth
soon
ME: but it was worth it for the amazing savings I
aquired
DG:just eat some food
DG:ull be good
ME: yea I been drinking much aqua and comida with las
muchas cheapas vodkas made in americas
ME: wat a fucking amazing idea; though
ME: the usa economy should see a swift rebound
immediately me thinks if the american entrepreneur keeps up this level of ingenuity
ME: 3 dollar vodka! fuckyea
ME: USA! USa! UsA!
DG:lol
ME: well I am on a combo of 5 hour energy, mexican burritos, and vodka right now
ME: so sorry for this
ME: but its fun for me at least
ME: passing the time
ME: got a week left of severe mind shitting on boredeom left

DG:go back and buy a handle of cheap vodka

ME: this week shall live in infamy for its intense unforgivable boredeom

ME: a handle?
ME: wat does that mean
DG:that will keep u busey the rest of the week
DG:a handle=
DG:the big ass containers
DG:because they have handles
ME: is that sly street talk which I do not currently obtain an understanding of
ME: ahhh
ME: I see
ME: well that shit would cost money
ME: 3 dollar vodka is only 3 dollars
DG:if u get cheap shit
ME: so it wins the competition
DG:u could get a handle for like
DG:$15
DG:handles are usually like
ME: meeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh
DG:almost 2 liters
ME: 15 bucks is big spender amounts of cash
ME: I needz a job for that kind of elaborate and insane spending of american currency
DG:pshh
DG:i need to get some liquor
DG:i havnt had any hard stuff in forever
DG:but im rich now
DG:so i need to indulge while i can, lol
ME: cheap price for cheap alchochol for my cheapo self works perfectly enough for me at the moment unless it gives me a not so perfect infection of the unperfect AIDS disease
DG:its still cheap
DG:ure buying in volume
DG:instead of just small amounts
DG:thats why homeless ppl stay homeless

ME: then the deal I gained in the short term would be a lie to cover up the long term suckage of AIDS

DG:they dont realize they could save money by buying alcohol in bigger containers
ME: Well I am not a drunk yet so I dont need 15 bucks of vodka
ME: 15 bucks could buy you lots of other better stuff
ME: like a jetpack
DG:yup
ME: fuck yea, it wouldnt work good tho, but bet u could get one
ME: ud probably die in a horrific gory crash
ME: but it would be a pretty fucking sweet way to go
ME: death by jetpack
ME: see when I get old I will go out by getting on a jetpack naked and flying around pooing on people like a seagull. It would be quite hilarious. Until the airforce knocks me from the stratosphere with a ballistic missile
ME: but fuck them
ME: I will have my fun beforehand
DG:lol
ME: or perhaps I would be an extremely agile old geezer who could at the moment before the balistic missile hits him could use his unprecedented agility to get on top of the missile and ride it, taking advantage of its already in progress expulsion of kinectic energy!
ME: muahahah
ME: then I could rain old man turd from the skies at supersonic speed!
ME: just imagine!
ME: I know Hank Hill would disapprove because poo landing on Arlen's location for propane selling would be covered with a brown layer of unpleasantness, but my dream must be realized before my death
ME: lol
ME: god damn sorry
ME: rambling mess is full of ramblings
DG:its da truf
ME: watever though, I dont care, you spam my eardrums with horrible disney music over skype all the time, so I should not be apologizing for this brilliant stupidness
ME: Fuck yea, megadeath on my dreamcast, then TV sounds pretty bad ass when drunk
ME: Fuck yea
ME: well you dont like metal
ME: so you cant appreciate the awesomeness I am currently experiencing
ME: this little tiny screened tv actually has some deceivingly powerful tiny stereo speakers
ME: its like 14 inches or some shit close to that
ME: dont just a tv by its screen apparently
ME: moral of the story
ME: bwaaaaaaaaaaah
ME: See , I know my defense to your skype rapeage of my ears with horrible music you like for some reason, just drink 3 dollar vodka and my brilliance is too much for you to handle

ME: and you know it
DG:the tv next to my computer
DG:is prolly smaller
ME: I doubt it
ME: this shit is ridiculous
ME: gotta sit right in front of it to play any games
ME: otherwise my eyes bleed salty angry tears of defiance to the unreasonably small portrayal of video gaming images
ME: lets get out a tape measure and measure this shit tv for proof then
DG:i just did
DG:its actually 14 inches
DG:so its a tie
DG:but my tv is mono
DG:so u win
ME: lmao, mine is too, I am an electronic psychic apparently, mine is 14 inches
ME: the sound is pretty good for a 14 inch tube television then though
DG:i dont think uve ever heard good sound
DG:so that means nothing
ME: lol probably some merit to that statement
ME: but ignorance is bliss sometimes
ME: if i was spoiled by ur magical surround sounds I would probably have to rip off my ears from these tiny speakers. However, since I have only have had the pleasure to hear meager speakers throughout my experienecs with the various electronics gizmos available to me currently my mind has not been forever spoiled and corrupted with the sublime amounts of sound quality emitted from more deluxe versions of the electronic gizmos that you have managed to somehow aquire.
DG:cause im magic
ME: lol
ME: untill ur cat pisses all over ur magic boxes of dolby surrond sound and forever ruins them
ME: speaking of pissing, brb
ME: gotta pee
DG:lol
ME: if that was not already obvious
ME: charcoal or propane
ME: pick onw
ME: *now
ME: or be forsaken
DG:propane
DG:duh
ME: a wise choice young laddie
ME: propane is a special gas that treats you fairly when you contain the wisdom to remain loyal to it
DG:lol
ME: but the spirit of rebellion can lead you to seek out the dark side of the barbecue spectrum
ME: the wicked charcoal has stolen the innocence of many a great propane salesman

ME: it is a substance that has repeatedly shown through its treacherous history that it cannot be trsted
ME: Hey
ME: You
ME: guy
ME: I tell you what
DG:what
ME: hows about you agree to let me stick this convo in my blog. You are certainly free to refuse this request as we do live in the noble free democracy of the United States of NOrthern America, however choosing this particular decision would result in me having to initiate a lifelong banning of the selling of propane and propane accessories to you.
ME: A fate that not even the most wretched beings in Arlen Texas would want to be subscribed too when it comes to my humble opinion.
ME: You may be thinking that a switch to charcoal would not be that bad, but I guarantee to you that making this unwise decision inevitably would catch up with you and reek havoc on your intended life course.
DG: oh i know
ME: So what shall your answer be good sire?
ME: Lifelong prosperity with the aid of lady propane at your side?
ME: Or a future of despair and terrible unspeakable possibilities because of a rebellious, stupid in restrospect decision to risk everything with the use of the evil substance of charcoal?
DG:do w/e u want i guess since its just a s/n
ME: Well I can hide your identity with a clever alias if thou wishes.
ME: Simply pick a name or creative word or group of letters to represent your identity.
DG:pick what ever you want
DG:dale gribble
ME: Alrighty then. I tell you what, that will shall be done.
ME: The vodka is starting to finally wear off I think
ME: Still got about half of it left for the rest of this boring week fortunately though.
DG:lol

Bought a Xbox 1, Bought first Guitar Hero Game, and playing some cool games.

2010-06-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling lazy, so consequently, I have not felt like writing many blogs lately as you may have noticed. I have been getting in a lot of gaming lately though and that is probably why I have not felt like blogging. Sometimes I end up reading and writing about gaming more than I actually end up playing games. Lately that trend has shifted. Since it's been awhile since my last blog, I will just fill you in on what's been up.

The biggest gaming news of mine is that I finally rebought a Xbox 1 console. I owned one for about a year around the time halo2 came out, but then it got stolen by some dirty asshats. I had forgotten how freaking heavy and huge this thing is. I mean just holy crap. Next to my slim ps2 it looks like a freaking monstrosity.

The place I bought this from online has a shrink wrap fetish. They shrink wrapped the console, its wires, and the controller. Their shrink wrap leaves a grease behind too which is annoying.

So because of the arrival of the xbox I now have 7 consoles hooked up to a tv or my pc moniter in my tiny room. (Playstation 2, Playstation 3, Gamecube, SNES, NES, N64, and Xbox)

I payed 60 bucks for the console and a controller. It is used and cost about 10 bucks more than I could get one on ebay, but mine came with a 90 day warranty against defects. So spending that extra 10 bucks was hard for a cheapo like me, but made sense in the long run. One of my main motivations to rebuy a Xbox was because of its online capabilities. I knew Xbox Live was already dead for the console, but I never intended to use that anyways. I use Xlink Kai which is a LAN tunneling program that lets you play certain games online forever basically.

So, the first games I bought were ones that could be played online through this method.

Doom 3
Halo: Combat Evolved
Halo 2
Rallisport Challenge 2
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Island Thunder

I have already played Halo 1, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Island Thunder, and Rallisport Challenge 2 online with Xlink Kai several times. Here are some videos of that (http://www.youtube.com/user/Lazyhoboguy#p/c/0F353BC1F645E219 ). Doom 3 has online co-op but I have not tried that yet as I am playing through its single player first.

Oh yea, Doom 3 is pretty freaking awesome. I play with the lights off of course and nearly have peed myself far too many times to count.

I also have been playing Gunstar Super Heroes on Game Boy Advance.

It is a fun shoot em up game where you also have a wide variety of mellee attacks. The game is fun, but also pisses me off a bit because the developers are some sadistic asses sometimes. The game is challenging and you will die a lot which is fine to me. However, Treasure, the developers felt it was necessary to ridicule the player after each occurence of the gamer's tragic electronic demise. The sad moments after your death soon will enrage you because the sick twisted developer forces the game to reset back to the title screen after each death.

The game is cool sometimes because the gameplay radically and randomly changes from time to time. Sometimes you are thrown into a helicopter combat level, or you are on a board game type level where you roll a dice of sorts to get through a series of boss battles. These keep things fresh, but the board game scenario in particular is maddeningly frustrating because it takes extreme luck to time the moves of you "dice". Like you can either move 1 to 5 spaces across the board depending on if you can hit a button to make a rapidly scrolling thing land on the correct number you want. The huge amount of luck that this requires means that in many attempts by the time you reach the end boss of this evil board game you will have barely enough health left to fight him beacuse you landed on too many minibosses beforehand. I have been stuck on this part for over a week.

Besides these problems, it still is an amazing game.

I also finally bought my first Guitar Hero game.

I really hate giving this guy and his company money though. He is only smiling in this picture because he used that plastic intrument to beat 3 baby seals to death.

I am a few years late I know haha. I had played one of the games a handful of times before many years ago, but never felt the need to spend like 100 dollars to buy a fake guitar and the fake guitar game. I know how to play real guitar, so the game did not seem worth buying. Now, I have pretty much realized I probably wont ever play real guitar actively again, so Guitar Hero seems like a nice substitute haha.

So, I ended up getting Guitar Hero 3 with the wireless guitar for Playstation 3 for 26.99.

I remember this cost like 100 dollars when it came out, so I finally could not resist getting it. I found it in a random department store called Ross too lol. It was the only one there.

I played it for a few hours last night and I am enjoying it. I find that after 2 or 3 songs my hand cramps up like a mother fucker though. It is interesting playing Guitar Hero after spending tons of hours playing Frequency and Amplitude on the PS2. I think I still like these 2 games more than the fake plastic guitar type of games though.

To show you my cheapness and lack of care about having fancy looking clothes, I will inform you that I bought new jeans for the first time in over 3 years lol. This only happened becasue my favorite pair of jeans that I wear whenever its possible is finally starting to die. I bought a few new T-shirts as well since the Dryer in my apartment building has started burning and ripping wholes in my clothes.

I have been reading some books for leisure now that I am off from college for the summer. It is nice reading stuff besides history books which I was forced to read for my major. I picked up a big old stack of 1 dollar a piece books from a thrift store too, so I will not run out of reading material any time soon.

ALSO. DEMON'S SOULS IS NOW ONLY $29.99. IF YOU HAVE A PS3 AND HAVE GOOD TASTE IN GAMES AND STILL CHOOSE TO NOT BUY THIS. WE CAN NO LONGER BE FRIENDS.

http://www.destructoid.com/demon-s-souls-29-99-for-a-limited-time-175471.phtml

Umm yeah. So this a blog. Various stuff and things happened.

2010-05-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have not felt like blogging in the last 2 weeks even though I have ample amounts of topics to talk about. I did not feel like writing anything though. Deal with it. I cannot help but channel my lazyhoboguy qualities sometimes.

(7:35:57 PM) ME: there was a man
(7:35:59 PM) ME: on the bus
(7:36:05 PM) ME: who was like 40 or 50 maybe
(7:36:09 PM) ME: a fat asian guy with glasses
(7:36:13 PM) ME: he kept repeating 2 words
(7:36:34 PM) rusty shackleford: buchholz and pingas?
(7:37:02 PM) ME: the were muffled and did not sound like english. Perhaps they were a real language but I think he invented his own language. He kept saying something like theydontstop and something that sounded like tabernacle
(7:37:15 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:22 PM) ME: 5 secs later
(7:37:23 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:27 PM) ME: 5 secs later
(7:37:29 PM) ME: "theeydooontstop.....tabernacllle...."
(7:37:35 PM) ME: he did this for 12 minutes straight
(7:37:36 PM) ME: OH
(7:37:40 PM) ME: and as an added bonus
(7:37:57 PM) ME: he pulled up his tshirt and scracthed his big fat hairy gut for aabout a third of the ride
(7:38:16 PM) ME: The small wonderful joys of public transit
(7:38:21 PM) rusty shackleford: wow
(7:38:24 PM) rusty shackleford: just... wow
(7:38:32 PM) ME: yae lo
(7:38:37 PM) ME: everyone on the bus was just like wtf
(7:40:40 PM) rusty shackleford: "itellyouwhat...propane..."
(7:41:06 PM) rusty shackleford: you should have started singing the cyberdillo theme
(7:42:00 PM) ME: lol
(7:42:01 PM) ME: i forgot it
(7:42:27 PM) ME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixybLSwI4wE
(7:42:33 PM) ME: heres another video of how tiny my room is
(7:46:14 PM) ME: oooooo nooooo
(7:46:23 PM) ME: that independent game store in my city might be dead
(7:46:24 PM) ME: i hope not
(7:46:32 PM) ME: i called them and it says the number has been disconnected
(7:46:42 PM) ME: i was hoping they sold original xboxs
(7:49:11 PM) rusty shackleford: =/
(7:49:20 PM) ME: i emailed them
(7:49:23 PM) ME: hopefully they are alive
(8:02:10 PM) ME: http://www.destructoid.com/7-eleven-used-games-sales-is-totally-happening-171453.phtml
(8:05:49 PM) rusty shackleford: did you hear ubisoft is getting rid of manuals in games?
(8:06:37 PM) ME: yea....
(8:06:43 PM) ME: http://www.destructoid.com/review-3d-dot-game-heroes-171436.phtml
(8:06:46 PM) ME: oh oh
(8:06:52 PM) ME: this game sounds like what I feared it would be
(8:07:01 PM) ME: too much of a zelda ripoff

So…ya. That happened. It was quite odd.

I have played way too many games since my last blog.

I started playing PixelJunk Eden off of my imported retail copy of PixelJunk 3 in 1 Pack. I really am enjoying that game, well just like pixeljunk monsters the difficulty randomly ramps up to an insane degree about halfway through. It is somewhat spoiling my love for the game. Nevertheless, I like the game's crazy weirdness enough to soldier on and finish the game eventually.

I had an 8 page paper due a couple days ago. I started it about 5 hours before it was due. Bow before my procrastination prowess.

I started watching a bunch of movies on Netflix's online streaming thingamabob. I wonder why people say thingama "bob". Why is this guy so special that his name gets stuck in a word that is meant to describe so many things? Why not thingamaherbert? Oh wait, I understand now. Bob is short for bobby. Bobby Hill. That boy ain't right. But he is the son of a propane salesman…

I tell you what. Boggle. Pegggggggggggy Hilllllllll speaks perfect Espanol.

I watched Taxi Driver. Wow. That movie was amazing. I watched the movie Blow. That movie was not amazing and was all flash and no substance. I watched a documentary called "Heavy Metal in Baghdad" It was about … you guessed it heavy metal in Baghdad. But, it was more than that. It showed the band members' perspectives about living in Iraq in a war zone. I thought it was very well made. I also watched Full Metal Jacket. That was good, but not amazing.

I had been up for a day and was stupid off 5 hour energy when I wrote this blog. I usually put this warning at the start of my blogs. However, in this particular instance I felt like fucking with all of your minds instead. I am enjoying it.

I also played Red Dead Revolver. Boy was that disappointing. No story, repetitive gameplay. No open world. You just go straight from one battle to the next. Gun was a way better game.

I also got in some NES games. I played Double Dragon finally. It is ok. It is kind of a cheap beat em up since the game holds abilities hostage from you until you get certain high scores each playthrough. That gets annoying since your attacks suck at first.

I also started playing Nintendo World Cup on NES. This is freaking fun! It is a not too serious soccer game where you can do crazy ass super kicks and attack other teams' players so much that they will just all start lying motionless in the grass after awhile from the beatings.

I usually put in pictures in my blogs, but I wont this time. Hahah. Take that. No visual breaks for you from the boring looking text.

I finally reordered a Xbox original console. It is coming in the mail. I used to have one but it got stolen from my house a few years back. There is no greater crime to commit to a gamer than stealing the devices that enable his or her hobby. If I ever find out who took it….. I shall have to do unspeakable things to them. Example: I might tie them up. I might chug a 5 hour energy. I might then proceed to unleash the twice hourly fart attacks caused by 5 hour energy into the dirty thief's face.

ERRRRRRRRR what else happened. Oh, I like the show Breaking Bad a lot. It had a very amazing episode last Sunday.

Where the flying (crapping in mid air down on unsuspecting humans) fuck am I going to place that Xbox monster console when it arrives? My room is quite tiny if you remember. I think I may have to throw away my mattress.

Somebody stole my paper towels.

Really.

A roommate here is such a dirty shameless puke face that they actually stole some of my paper towels and used them. Really??? What the truck. Yuck. How freaking cheap are paper towels. WTF. I left out a container of brand new dish soap on the kitchen counter for 20 minutes one time. When I came back half of it was gone…. Somebody actually was such a dirtbag that they stole soap…… They saved it for later apparently. Or they ate it? They probably are that sick if they steal soap. Well soap does smell kind of like fruit and delicious sometimes. Or maybe they took a shower in the sink.

Oh Gamestop makes me madder and madder. The local independent gamestore in my city went out of business. Gamecrazy is going out of business. That sucks.

Here is the internet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-SVbBgQeKQ

My Last 2 Weeks= Puking, Pooping, Pure Hatred for GAMESTOP, and some new games.

2010-04-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Warning: This blog contains graphic talk about turd. Skip over this first section if you are afraid of natural bodily functions.

START OF TURD TALK

So, a lot of interesting stuff has happened since my last blog a couple weeks ago. I went back to my parents' house for 2 days during spring break to visit them. Upon my arrival, we went out to eat at restaurant called Black Angus. It is chain steak house restaurant. I had eaten there many times before so I was not alarmed by the fact that the name of the restaurant would mean "Black Anus" with the subtraction of only one letter G. I did not notice anything significantly wrong while eating the food that this Angus restaurant managed to squeeze out onto my plate. I did not feel sick for the few hours I was awake when I first got to my parents house. All of a sudden at 3am when I was trying to sleep though my stomach starting feeling like an angry midget was inside of it and was thrashing around in a drug fueled rage. I ran to the bathroom and had the most unpleasant type of bowel movement imaginable. The D word,. Diarrhea, aehrraiD backwards. I hoped the unpleasant feelings in my stomach would fade away after suffering through a most atrocious experience on the toilet, but I was very wrong. Every 20 minutes for the next 5 or 6 hours I had to run to the bathroom for countless sequels to the prior explosive diarrhea event.

I finally managed to fall asleep somehow for a few minutes after one of the many diarrhea attacks. But there was one climatic bathroom trip still lurking in the future. I woke up feeling even worse than before. My stomach was going crazy. I barely could make it to the bathroom before that damn diarrhea demanded to be freed. What was even worse…. while sitting on the can I felt a new feeling in my stomach…. a feeling that something was rising in it. I realized quickly that I was going to have puke. I was still sitting on the toilet dealing with the first expulsion of bodily waste. WHAT TO DO! Well there was a small trash can near me so I grabbed it and puked my guts out for 5 minutes straight. I eventually cleaned up and got out of that wretched traumatizing bathroom and slowly made my way to other end of the house and then collapsed on a couch where I slept for a day straight and woke up at 10pm.

I will not be eating out for a very very very very very long time.

END OF RECTAL RHETORIC

GAMESTOP……………………………………………………..

So, I could not resist the lure of the most immoral business in the known universe. Perhaps there is an even worse gaming establishment in existence in the butthole of the universe somewhere, but for now LAMESTOP takes the prize for being the most purely evil video game store in the cosmos. I foolishly went back into one of these sickening manifestations of corporate greed. I should have learned from the many times this chain of game defiling stores has screwed me over, but I was an idiot. I bought 3 games from this wretched buttmerchant. I bought Valkyria Chronicles on PS3 for 20 dollars new and got a sealed copy. I got Midnight Club 2 on PS2 for like 6 dollars used. The final game I got was Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus. "Those are not too bad prices" you might say. "What are you bitching about" you may think smugly to yourself. Well, 2 days later while checking my bank account I discovered that Gamestop I had given my money had decided to be idiotic puke monkeys and double charged my debit card for my purchase. So, today I went back to the store to get this stupid mistake of theirs fixed. Of course they had no clue how to help and could not even find the 2nd charge in the system. They gave me the number for the corporation itself to call because they could do nothing further to fix their mistake. I went home and fearfully dialed the 1800 number of death. I was calling the evil gaming empire itself. Merely filing a complaint to them might result in them sending one of their adolescent HALO3/CODMW2 fanboy assassins after me. But I bravely finished dialing the number. I am a cheap ass, as you must already know, so I could not stand to lose $32.71 because of Gamestop's ineptitude.

While on hold waiting for a customer service representative of the evil empire to converse with me, Mario and Zelda music began to leap from my cell phone into my ear. Those sly asshatical executives at gamestop, they must think that playing gamer music would calm my fury. No, I would not be tricked by this tainted offering of gaming music.

I finally started talking to a guy and he was surprisingly cheerful and told many unfunny and horribly cheesy jokes in an attempt to make me less perturbed at his employer. The phone connection was very bad and every like 3 seconds his voice would cut out momentarily. He informed me that this was a common problem with their phones. I assumed it must be so that his superiors would have the time needed to stealthily whip the call center's employees, masking their screams with the brief moments the phone lines cut out. No wonder this guy was so strongly upbeat on the phone, any small mistake and his masters probably would devour his flesh to feed their monstrous appetites. Yes Gamestop's upper management consists of monsters, ghouls, demons, and Dick Cheney- like beings.

Dealing with the ever present threat of violence from his masters, the poor Gamestop call center slave worked pretty efficiently and told me he would contact my bank to clear up the double charge. After I made this call, I checked my bank account again and noticed that actually the double charge had been refunded randomly a day or so before. I guess someone at Lamestop realized their mistake or something and tried to fix it, but since I was not notified at all I still ended up wasting an hour or so going back to that Gamestop and calling the oppressive corporation itself.

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok fine, I know I cannot resist the buy 2 get 1 free deals on used ps2 games they have 2 times a year. So…. Besides these rare sales,

I MAKE A VOW. NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE GAMESTOP MY BUSINESS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!

From now on I will just buy my gaming crap online or make the long trip to the slightly overpriced independent games store at the other end of the city I live in. Every other time I give Gamestop business they do something to enrage me or completely make me lose faith in gamerkind.

What an odd picture from google images.

It is like a crackhead going to a drug dealer that randomly deals out uncalled for forceful kicks to his customer's testicles. Yet, this customer is so addicted to the product of the merchant that he soon forgets about his swollen nuts and returns to that same cruel merchant for more potential abuse. I shall no longer be like that crackhead.

I was going to talk about the 10 hours or so of Valkyria Chronicles I had played too, but I have already gone on for far too long. I will wait for the next blog to do that.

A long tale about how I saved a life with my amateur surgery skills.

2010-04-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

I love my Dualshock one controller. Even though it came out for the Playstation 1 it still works with about half of all the Playstation 2 games that were released. The analog sticks on it are much more fluid in their movement and are built better. The face buttons are digital so they don't have that squishy feeling like on ps2 controllers which have the terrible pressure sensitive stuff built into them.

Pure Beauty!

I was madly in love with the Dualshock 1 ever since I picked up a used one from a thrift store for $4 a year ago. It was used and dirty when I acquired it, but I lovingly nursed the poor thing back to health with the help of some alcohol wipes and paper towels.

I used this controller for a year straight and I played a ton of ps2 games with my beloved controller. It had never had any problems in an entire year of using it. It was a used thrift store controller so who knows how many years someone else used and abused it before I even acquired it. On the other hand, every Dualshock 2(PS2 controller) I have used has had its analog sticks start to wear out after 2 or 3 months of heavy use.

My Dualshock 1 controller and I were quite the pair for this wonderful year of gaming bliss. Together we went on countless exciting adventures. Some of my plastic buddy and my gaming escapades included sniping people in the face in slow motion (sniper elite), rolling tons of random crap and Earth inhabitants up into a massive ball of death and awesomeness (Katamari Damacy), beheading undead monkeys (Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Timesplitters 2), tugging on giant boobs to kill enemies (Stretch Panic... really it's part of the game), having our minds blown (Rez,Frequency, Amplitude, Lumines Plus), creating a "naughty british dancing" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vcun5XqM3c) video that was really a work of art (Cold Winter), and we gorily dismembered hundreds of jack ass gunman with various weapons.(Soldier of Fortune: Gold Edition).

So, today I was deeply troubled when I discovered that my old friend had something seriously wrong with him. My poor Dualshock 1's square button was nearing death. It would jam up after every 3 or 4 presses. I discovered this while playing the button mashy game called Dynasty Warriors 3. I guess my unlucky Dualshock 1's square button had already had a few too many mashes. My Dualshock 1 and I both knew that such vital button could not be allowed to be in this faulty condition for my gaming sessions and I knew the frightening thoughts that my Dualshock 1 could not help but think about.

It probably thought that since it was no longer functional it would be tossed into the garbage or sent back to a thrift store again. But no, I could not take the easy way out and dispose of my old amigo plastico. I had performed controller surgery before and I knew I could do it again. Unfortunately, I was just an amateur electronic gaming surgeon. I had only taken apart simple SNES controllers and opened up a Fat PS2 console (which resulted in disaster). I feared that the inside of a Dualshock 1 would contain more crazy electronic gizmos and mechanisms than I could handle. I feared that opening up the Dualshock lad would lead to his quick death.

I decided it was worth the risk to perform this hasty surgery. I could just spend 10 dollars to buy another Dualshock one and replace this one, but this one had too much sentimental value. I would use all of my lazyhoboskills to try to save the life of my beloved controller.

I tried doing some quick research to see what I was getting myself into. Unfortunately searching on google gave me no useful information. If you search for a Dualshock 1 or ps1 controller all you get is ps2 and ps3 stuff. I realized I had to just open up the controller and hope I could figure out what to do.

The mysterious innards of this wonderful piece of gaming engineering were sealed up by the collective defense of 7 tiny screws. I whipped out my screwdriver set and I thought I would make short work of these twisty metal rods that stood in my way. But when I opened up my screwdriver set a horrible site leaped out at me!!!!

RUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mother Fucking RUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was even more alarming was that the rust was only on the one screwdriver that I needed. The other 5 or 6 in the set looked as good as new still. It was at that moment that I realized someone or something must be plotting a scheme to stop my attempts to resuscitate my fallen gaming pal. Some purposeful sorcery must have taken place in order for the one screwdriver I needed to be ravaged in such a shocking way.

I started surveying my crappy tiny tiny room that I mange to somehow not go mad in. I slowly scanned my surroundings to try to catch any hidden enemies that were lurking about. I was about to turn around and give up this search when I caught something in the corner of my eye.

You sneaky son of a Bitch!!!!!

It was my neglected Dualshock 2 controller peeking out from the cabinet below my TV! He certainly had an ample amount of motive for sabotaging my attempts to save my Dualshock 1 controller's life. Ever since the Dualshock 1 arrived my Dualshock 2 was usually banished to my cabinet in the bottom section of my TV stand. Over time he must have grown madder and madder at his sudden neglect, reaching an irreversible state where all that was left in his plastic mind were thoughts of utter insanity. It all made sense now. I confronted him and he of course denied my accusations of his participation in the aforementioned treachery. But I would not listen to the lies that spurted forth from his dirty controller mouth and I tossed him back in the dark cabinet to punish him. I pushed some random heavy junk in front of the cabinet doors to seal him in. He would not be disturbing me any time soon.

Dualshock 2s are as evil and disturbing as this image.

I tried to use the smaller screwdrivers on the screws, but they would not work. I knew that I had no choice left but to use the rusted screwdriver. I angrily wiped off as much rust from the screwdriver as I could using a paper towel. When I picked the tool up it still left a nasty residue on my hands. I lashed out at the Dualshock 2 by very loudly yelling out obscenities at him. I was so furious that I even made crude jokes about his mother (SONY). I was not sure if he was able to hear me since he was locked away in that cabinet dungeon. But seconds later, I could not help but smile when I could faintly hear his electronic weeping.

I managed to use the dirty rusted screwdriver to yank out the 7 screws on the Dualshock 1's backside. Before attempting to split my poor Dualshock 1 in half, I prayed to the gaming gods, begging for their guidance in this delicate operation. To show my reverence and earn their favor I pulled out a copy of Superman 64 and viciously released my bowels all over it. The gaming gods must surely be proud of me now! Confident in having supernatural aid in my gaming surgery, I returned to the task at hand.

I separated the Dualshock 1 in half. When I removed the back half of the controller I was greeted with a sight that completed discombobulated my simple mind. The amount of electronic wizardly that must have gone into creating the innards of this great controller must have been immense. I realized that my prior experience with opening up Super Ninendo controllers would be of little help to me. There was a main board where all the various microchips and metal junk was stuck too. There were a few different wires going from this. There was a green looking paper thick foldable sheet type of material that folded under the controllers buttons yet remained attached to the main circuit board thing. I tried to remember in my mind how the innards were held together as I pulled them apart, but it was impossible to remember every subtle detail of their organization.

I now had all of my unfortunate Dualshock 1's guts lying all over my floor. I figured I would worry about trying to but this mess back together again after I attempted to repair the Dualshock 1's Square Button. I examined the rubber piece that lies under the button and saw no problems with it. I looked at the button itself and saw nothing wrong with it. I was a bit puzzled as to what could be causing the button to jam then. I then noticed in the hole where the button resides, there was a tiny amount of nasty looking gunk. It was in the sides of the button hole, so it must have been pushing on the side of the button and causing it to become lopsided when pushed in, hence the occasional jamming. I used some trusty alcohol wipes to thoroughly get rid of any gunk I saw and hoped that this was the only thing causing the button to malfunction before.

Now that I had made my repair, I had to deal with putting the controller back together, but I had no idea howI was going to accomplish this . I spent nearly 2 hours trying various configurations of the controller guts to see how it was supposed to fit back together. I finally was able to figure it out and attempted to rejoin the controller's 2 shell halves. They would not close together at first, so I had to keep going back inside the controller and tried to make sure that everything was pushed down into the correct spots. After many of these attempts the controller shells finally started almost closing, I heard some pops as the pieces fit together and I rushed to grab the screws to make the this closure permanent. I used my strength to make sure that all the screws were in securely and worryingly turned my controller over to see if my repair had worked or if all my effort had been for nothing.

I nervously poked at the Square Button on my post-op controller and ….. it seemed to be functioning normally again!!!!!!!!!!! I tapped on the button continuously to see if it still jammed and it did not do so once! I tried this for about 30 seconds and I knew that the button was in great shape again.

My Dualshock 1 WAS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwwww how cute, the little guy started chasing his tail and got all tuckered out. He is back to his old self.

I did a dorky celebratory dance around the room (Really… I did haha). I had not felt such a sense of accomplishment and immense joy since beating the epic orgasmic amazing Demon's Souls. After I had stopped I noticed a sharp pain coming from one of my fingers. I looked down at it and realized I had not escaped the dangerous surgery with no negative consequences. My finger had a new nasty blister residing on it. It was from the amazing strength I used to turn the screwdriver to close up the controller. I guess I just did not realize how powerful I really was….

OUCHIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways…the blister was starting to get all puffy and it was right on the spot I would need to use if I wanted to play video games. I could live with this terrible gamer injury though; it was worth waiting for the agonizingly long video gameless period to end while my blister healed because my old Dualshock 1 buddy was ALIVE AGAIN!

I also realized that the fresh feces that was sprayed all over the Superman 64 cartridge was beginning to reek, so I cleaned that up as well and tossed the game corpse and poopy mess outside in the trash. Well, actually that game is a poopy mess even when it is not literally covered in one. So I really should have just said that I tossed out a poopy mess and a pile of feces.

I cannot even claim that sleep deprivation was the cause for this atrocious blog. I was well rested when I wrote this. This blog was based on a true story. Did I really expel my bodily waste onto a copy of Superman 64? You shall never know for sure!

muahahahhahaha(*farts*)muahahahahahahahahhaha

A poem and conversation I had when I had no sleep for over 24 hours.

2010-03-31T03:07:00.000-07:00

I have had no sleep for a day. YAY!!!!! you may say! Because despite my suffering this day, you know that a blog is coming that will make no sense in any way.

I have some startling information for those belonging to the distinguished gamer nation. I shall tell you of a snack that I devour twice every 24 hours. While dining on this crunchy, chewy, party in my mouth treat, I automatically become extremely upbeat. Unlike some other edible crud, it holds the power to unleash an orgy of flavor onto every single eager taste bud. This addictive crack-like snack always has me coming back. In fact, until finding this miracle food which always positively alters my mood, I never would have foreseen a more scrumptious way to ingest protein.

I am a deranged lunatic poet? An hour ago I did not even know it.

I am actually having quite a delightful time creating this short wacky rhyme. I cannot think of another word that rhymes with rhyme. Really I lie, because I did already think of butt slime. I thought it was a waste of your time to hear such an immature rhyme. See my laziness is real, for I rhymed the word rhyme with rhyme time after time. My pure perfect laziness is so sublime.

The following conversation may give you a great elation. On the other hand, it could lead to your mind's irreversible devastation. So, in closing, be aware of the consequences of reading the following clas-sy exchange of words, keeping in mind that there will surely be an overabundant mentioning of things relating to turds. My dear blog reading folk, I warn you that this is not a joke. I swear by the beard of Zeus that it is true that this blog will contain an unnecessary amount of mentioning topics pertaining to poo!

Also, remember for the future that I shall never grow mature. My trademark as a sleep deprived lazybum will always be to write nonsense that is random!

Nonsense Talk

ME: arg 5 hour flatulence (<-- means 5 hour energy)

ME: every 30 minutes about I gotta go in the bathroom and let out some wicked loud chains of farts

Rusty Shackleford: can you record this?

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: change your name to

Rusty Shackleford: buchholzman

ME: themightyanus?

Rusty Shackleford: yes

ME: madden?

Rusty Shackleford: i like madden

Rusty Shackleford: it is good

ME: thats rude

ME: no matter how huge and wrinkly he is, he is still a human being of sorts. He is not an it.

ME: lmao if i did record those farts

ME: I could title the video

ME: 5 hour energy review

ME: then just go straight to the farts

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i think you gotta curb the fecal stuff on your blog

ME: yea lol, i know i realized that too

ME: its starting to get old even too me

ME: theres only so many poo jokes one can make

ME: unfortunately i thought of a new pooword today

Rusty Shackleford: I'm not here right now

ME: turdnut

ME: i still find that funny

ME: maybe i will switch to pee jokes

ME: lol

ME: earwax?

ME: boogers?

Rusty Shackleford: ear wax...

Rusty Shackleford: i hate ear wax

ME: lol

Rusty Shackleford: i had a build up of ear wax when i was a kid

ME: ah

Rusty Shackleford: couldn't hear very well

Rusty Shackleford: then all of a sudden

Rusty Shackleford: the doctor found the build-up

ME: i always dont hear well, well a lot of the time

ME: because allergies makes fluids build up in my ears

ME: unless i take a nasal spray 2 times a day

ME: takes 2 weeks to start working

ME: and allergies randomly fucking start and stop because of the crazy weather

ME: so i just live with it haha

ME: still better than earwax though

ME: i hate picking that out of my ear

ME: its chunky, yet greasy

ME: i hate when a big chunk falls out of your ear randomly sometimes

ME: feels so disgusting

ME: i think i will sneak some earwax into your food

ME: lmao

Rusty Shackleford: it hurt like hell when i had it taken out

Rusty Shackleford: it was stuck to my ear canal

ME: ow, how does that happen?

ME: using cutips too much?

ME: i heard that compacts it

ME: i never use it

ME: i use my trusty finger

ME: pinky to be exact

ME: because your not supposed to stick anything into your ear canal

ME: you could easily rupture your eardrum

ME: eardrum

ME: which would suck turdnuts

ME: picture that

ME: turdnut

ME: hahaha

ME: im sorry

ME: poo shall always be funny

ME: i just need to use those jokes in moderation

ME: all on brown assaults of fecal jokes can be overwhelming to the senses i know

Rusty Shackleford: no, it was fairly deep in my canal. it had been there awhile and stuck to the outer wall.

Rusty Shackleford: i didn't do anything to make it happen

Rusty Shackleford: it just grew there

ME: it grew there.....

ME: sounds like a demon

ME: or like a brain parasite

ME: it slowly grew hidden away....

ME: earwax spiders

ME: that would be terrifying

ME: spiders made of earwax

ME: your earwax giving birth to living beings

ME: that crawled out of your ear

ME: ive had 1 hour sleep in the last day so i aplogize for this conversation

Rusty Shackleford: lol

Rusty Shackleford: why the lack of sleep?

ME: wat if you pooed out earwax?

ME: with nuts in it

ME: and corn

ME: and carrots

ME: what else leaves with poo...

ME: celery?

ME: i had a midterm

ME: which i think i did horrible on

ME: may be my first d ever on a midterm

ME: its 20 percent of my grade

ME: so i can fix my grade still

ME: but ive really been slacking off this semester

ME: need to buckle down and make myself do all the terrible tedioius reading

ME: holy fucknuts

ME: this conversation is pretty funny

ME: at least to me

ME: since ive had no sleep

Rusty Shackleford: i thought you had been keeping up on the reading?

ME: nah not for this shit thought i could bs the midterm, learned that didnt work too well, maybe my guessing got me a c or b, I am pretty sure I have a d though.

ME: I have never done that in college, gotten worse than a C on a midterm.

ME: Hopefully I pull off a C with my procrastination/slacker powers.

ME: I wont find out for a week.

ME: I am really going to start doing all the reading now though. Means I will be doing like 60 or 70 pages of reading 7 days a week to get everything done.

ME: So will suck sweaty buttcheeks, but I managed to that a year ago when I had an insane workload.

ME: Dude, I got to post this conversation in a blog. Would you like your alias to be HANK HILL? or do you want to change it up a bit? Dale Gribble? Cotton Hill? Soda Popaski?

ME: or "Guywithearwaxfetish"?

ME: "?fundamentalistMaddendisciple_D_Bag?"

ME: "FamilyFeudFetish"?

Rusty Shackleford: Rusty Shackleford

ME: "Phatman"?

ME: lol

ME: rusty shackleford

ME: Thy will shall be done.

ME: Great mystical being who manages to get enjoyment out of the Turd and Eric awesome show Buttjob

ME: All Praise and glory be done onto you.

ME: I shall make bountiful offerings of 5 hour energy.

Rusty Shackleford: All praise and glory be done to Tim and Eric

Rusty Shackleford: Masters of lulz

ME: That is not funny. Jokes can only go too far before they get distasteful and offensive. That joke is vulgar. Free Speech only goes so far my friend. That is more damaging than public threatening to bring swift death down upon somebody. You shall be incarcerated now.

ME: O wait though I forgot you are a weird mystical being.

ME: So I shall send kratos after you.

ME: And he will make testosteronely manyells as he rips you in half.

ME: You may be a GOD, but you cannot defend against button mashing.

ME: WTF am I talking about.

ME: I noticed you stopped typing. You are probably just taking this all in.

ME: Watever, enjoy my brilliance.

ME: You know what has been bothering me.

ME: Toilets with motion sensors that flush the toilet.

ME: There are pros and cons to these devices.

ME: People are so fucking lazy that they often dont flush, so these things fix that problem. However, if you happened to hate sitting on bare dirty toilet seats like me, automatic flushers detect the movement of you laying down the paper toilet seat cover so sometimes by the time you finally get to sit down on the can, the toilet thinks yoiu walked out of the stall and flushes and gets your ass all wet with splashback because you were not ready for the plumbingness machine to start its duties up!!!!!!

Rusty Shackleford: hahaha

Rusty Shackleford: that has happened to me

ME: I dont get why people dont flush the toilets though. Use a foot. Thats what I do. So I dont gotta touch the nasty metal handle, and that way I am not a wangbreathed asshat that leaves there smelly urine sitting in the toilet for the next lucky arriving citizen in that defiled stall.

ME: Yea it gets maddening sometimes.

ME: I have had to learn a technique to deal with the stupid motion sensor toilets.

ME: I learned to move super slow motion like when sitting down on the can so it doesnt think I am walking away after a dookie drop. I have nearly perfected this method now and have cut down on surprise mid-crap flushed by like 95%

ME: So fuck you technology.

ME: Bring on the rise of the terminators

ME: I can handle that shit if I can trick toilet robots.

Rusty Shackleford: Terminating your bathroom experience prematurely

ME: Exactly, this is how the terminator beta was tested out. They figured if they could interfere with the most intimate and necessary function of the human body that mankind would implode on itself because it could not handle restroom chaos of this manner.

ME: On the other hand, the evil toilet robots do have some much kinder relatives like the motion sensor soap dispenser, motion sensor paper towel dispenser, and karate chop activated water faucet starter (ok you dont have to do a karate chop but if just feels so awesome).

ME: How come I can write such long rants about bathrooms in like 20 minutes, but I procrastinate on a 1 page paper until 3 hours before its due???

ME: A deep question to ponder.

Rusty Shackleford: you have so much passion for the subject of bathrooms

ME: I am getting hungry though..Frozen Taquitos time??? Or should I go with a 12am bowl of cereal?

ME: I know, but honestly we humans have to spend so much time relieving ourselves of waste, that creating a functioning and pleasant experience while doing so is something that I think should be the focus of all of top scientists in the world.

ME: Why is bathroom talk leading to me getting hungry... never mind dont want to think about that.

ME: TTYL Rusty ShackleTurd. I mean Shackleford. My apologies sir.

A short list of things I hate.

2010-03-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

This was a no sleep for 40 hours 5 hour energy type of day when I wrote this. You know what that means. Lots of randomness

and of course

There Will Be Poo! Maybe There Will Be Blood! too, depending on what was eaten.

Also. For those of you who are going to start complaining about this Daniel Day-Lewis illustration, I shall give you the backstory so it will make more sense to you. He ate a lot of beans. The opening stages of his bowel movement contained lots of explosive gaseous emissions. Those powerful blasts of poo gas ripped a hole straight through his pants. Consequently, solid poo logs had the escape hatch needed to jump easily into the environment.

Unfortunately I fell asleep before I could add more to this list while in my tired random rant capable state. I spent 34 hours awake and slept for 12 hours after that. I am sure that was super duper great for my body!

Some things I hate.

1. Cheap Scratchy Public Restroom Buttwipes. Ow.

2. Bathroom stalls with no coat hanger on the door. WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY STUFF?? When I have a backpack, a wet umbrella, and a coat I need a freaking hook. I don't want to have to put my umbrella down on the feces covered floor and later have my umbrella drip fecal matter on me when I use it to block the rain. WTF am I supposed to do with my backpack?? The only solution when there is no coat hanger is to find the least damp looking section of the floor and rest my backpack down on that spot, making sure the smallest amount of surface area of the backpack is making contact with that vile surface. For my coat, I have to fold it over the top of the stall. What if some hobo yanks it down and steals it while I am on the crapper? It is not like I can chase after him!!! There is also the risk of someone's fart in the room causing a draft which blows my coat off its perch into the a filthy chunk filled toilet bowl.

I consider myself a connoisseur of crapping, so I know what I am talking about. If any of you reading this have a business or own a turdcake receptacle room building company, spend the mother fucking dollar per stall it costs to put in a hook !!!!!!!!! JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! (quoted from southpark, I love it)

3. People who when riding the bus do not move to the back. Every day I see these dunces standing at the front of the bus staring at you while you are crammed into position next to them. You look behind them and see the whole back of the bus has free standing room. How hard is to walk backwards a few steps? Do these people like standing in the front blocking the walkway so they can brush up against all the old elderly bus riders who smell like moth balls? Perhaps these people refuse to walk to the back of the bus have a bunch of moths living in their bodies' crevices and wish to massacre these moths with old people smell? Hopefully this is the reason. Because otherwise, they are just turdberry eating, crap nuggety, manure breath people that are somehow continuing to survive even with brains full of super yellow dehydratey urine!

I just turned 21this month. Also, tons of PS2, PS3,and GBA game reviews/impressions.

2010-02-23T11:38:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been awhile since my last blog. What can I say; I am a lazyhoboguy after all. Well here is an excessively long blog that will rot your brain and make up for my absence.

I have been getting in a good amount of gaming lately and picked up a few new games with some birthday money I got. I am now 21 and can legally drink. Although, I have no interest really in drinking alcohol anymore so this birthday was not as exciting as it could have been if I was a typical habitual overdrinking loud college student like many of my peers.

Two days after my birthday I decided to buy a 6 pack of Corona just because. It stayed in my fridge about a week before I even touched one. I did not like it much. It has been about 2 weeks since I bought them, yet 4 out of the 6 beers are still sitting in my fridge. I don't really understand why people like beer. It tastes nasty, it makes me feel all full and like a slob after, and they usually upset my stomach. Plus, I am cheap and would rather spend my money on something else. Also, if you drink beer for the purpose of turning into a super drunk person, why not just get some hard liquor and not deal with the super full feeling that beer gives you?

Anyways, back to gaming. I don't want a bunch of angry drunks realizing I trash talked their miracle beverage, so I am shall quickly change the subject.

The games I picked up recently are:

PS2

Amplitude

Family Feud

Lumines Plus

Rogue Trooper

PS3

Red Faction Guerrilla

I have not touched Amplitude or Rougue Trooper yet, so I don't have much to say about them. I absolutely loved Frequency, which Amplitude is a sequel too, so I am obviously excited to try it.

Also, here is a new animation I was inspired to make after playing one of the following games.

There are NO SPOILERS in the following Reviews/ Game Impressions

Family Feud (PS2)

This Family Feud game is terrible. I expected such, but I did not realize quite how terrible it would turn out. I got it mainly to try its online mode with a friend, but it turned out the online mode is most likely no longer functioning. Two other people and I all get the same error when trying to host an online game of this. In fact, one of these guys called the company to see if the game was officially offline now, and the guy had no idea what was going on with that game. My friend was the first person to ever call the company about it lol.

I wrote a quick review a little while ago about this game.

http://www.gamespot.com/ps2/puzzle/familyfeud2006/player_review.html?id=706595&tag=all-about;review1

I tell you what.

The only thing this game has going for it is its family creation system. I had about 10 minutes of amusement making Hank Hill and his family play the game. Here is a video of that

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGihV0rk4w

Once the novelty of that wore off, I realized that I can't stand to ever play this game again. That tells you something is really really atrocious, when even the most brilliant salesman of propane and propane accessories cannot save the game.

Lumines Plus (PS2)

This is a puzzle game that originally came out on the PSP. A guy I know had been telling me for months about how fun it was and then recently I heard that this game was created by the Japanese dude who made the game REZ. Finding this out made me very eager to try it so I picked it up off of amazon.

I really like this game. It is a deceivingly simple puzzle game at first glance. You drop squares that are made up of 4 smaller blocks that are mixed up in random combinations of 2 colors. You can flip this big square around and you try to line up 4 small blocks of the same color. When you do that those 4 small blocks disappear. You lose the game when the stacked up blocks reach the top of the screen.

What makes this game innovative is that all the time there is a scrolling horizontal line that goes from left to right. Your groups of 4 same colored blocks will not disappear until this scrolling horizontal line reaches them. You can get lots of combo points by adding more blocks to your group of 4 before that horizontal line reaches the mass of same colored blocks. This makes things interesting because you are always rushing to add more blocks before the line reaches that section so you can get the most points. However, you have to be careful because if you carelessly toss blocks down, you may miss and screw yourself over for the future.

Also, this game has a beautiful visual design and cool music. If you last awhile in the game, the visual theme of the game will shift and so will the music. It is nice because it gives you a cue that tells you when the difficulty is going to ramp up. When you're in the middle of tons of block stacking madness, it's hard to keep track of the level counter at the bottom of the screen, so the changing visual theme helps a lot.

This game is very very addicting. The game keeps track of your high scores, so it compels you to keep replaying the game over and over to beat them.

I had not acquired a new puzzle game in a very long time, but I am happy that this particular game ended up as my newest one.

Red Faction: Guerrilla (PS3)

My PS3 has been getting a lot of use after a few week period of me not touching it and that is because I got this game. I had wanted this game since its launch, but I am a cheapo and could not shell out the cash for it. It finally dropped down to 20 bucks for a new copy on amazon with free shipping and I could not resist.

I have probably put in over 10 hours in this game. I loved the demo of this game when it was released and played that for hours and hours. That is because the destruction engine in this game is simply amazing. Any building or object can be destroyed. Stuff breaks apart differently based on which weapon you use to attack it. You can ram a car through a building. You can cover your car with 10 mines, jump out of the car at the last second before it hits a building, and after its has crashed into the building you can detonate the mines on the car and totally devastate that once proudly constructed structure. The only thing in this game that cannot be destroyed is the ground.

There is not much story to this game. Basically you are part of a guerrilla movement that is challenging the EDF (Earth Defense Force) who are oppressing the miners on Mars. The voice acting is well done in my opinion, but the story just does not have much meat to it and is not fleshed out much. But who needs much of a story when the destruction in this game is so much fun.

This game is a sandbox game. Meaning you can choose to go wherever you want in the game world and do missions and other things whenever you feel like. If you feel like tracking down some EDF soldiers and blowing them up and fighting a small scale war with their respawning forces, you can. The game limits you to sectors of the map until you beat all the missions there and reduce the EDF presence in that area to 0 percent. The map highlights important EDF targets, usually big buildings and military structures that you need to blow up. I really enjoy this part of the game because coming up with a plan of action for taking out a fortified position and successfully implementing it is really fun. Or, you end up having your plan go completely wrong and you have to suddenly improvise and hope you can take out the building and survive the pursuing forces afterwards.

The weapons in this game are very fun to use. Your default weapon is a sledge hammer. Do I really need to explain the awesomness of this? Ok fine I will. It is such a satisfying weapon to use. It can one hit kill enemies. You can bash is buildings with it. A sledge hammer is just fun to use. The other weapons in this game are just as fun. Your other trusty weapon is remote mines. You can originally only place one or 2 at a time, but you can eventually upgrade that ability and currently in the game I can place 10 mines at once before I detonate them all. Mines stick to anything. It is really funny sticking them on the soldiers because they will start running around frantically and will eventually shake them off. Mines are great all around weapons in this game since they easily allow you to destroy enemy vehicles. A few well placed mines can take down massive buildings as well. Other weapons include an assault rifle, and assault rifle with heat seeking bullets, a rocket launcher, shotguns, a gun that disintegrates anything you shoot (people, cars, buildings, etc), and a gun that shoots electricity that can electrocute multiple enemies at once.

So far I am loving this game. It lacks a gripping story, but the destruction engine in this game is the best and most realistic one ever created. Yay for Geo Mod 2.0. I have not even tried the multiplayer yet and it looks really great as well.

No Rules: Get Phat (GBA) I have had this for years, but just recently found it again

Before you read further, watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zsf7oes2BHA

I have decided to make this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7qHUWMGS4c&feature=response_watch ) the first in a series called "Unbelievably Terrible Games" which is up on my youtube account. I do not have too many crappy games like this in my collection anymore, but there are a few hiding in it. Whenever I come across a game that makes my blood boil from its shocking amount of mediocrity or outright blatant suckage, I will post a video of that game and add "Unbelievably Terrible Games:" before the video title.

I created a new playlist ( http://www.youtube.com/user/Lazyhoboguy#g/c/0E4390477A4A27CA ) where all other "Unbelievably Terrible Games:" videos will be located.

Here is a quote from the instruction manual to help you understand what this game is like.

"Background

One Eye Jack's got a kickin' life: Get juiced up with a bowl of Cocoa Soul Puffies, catch a little Snoop Nasty and The Super Homeez on TV, bust some airs with the crew at the skatepark, maybe even mix some phat beats after hours...

But when aliens from Planet Punkazz arrive, Jack's lifestyle takes it in the shorts. The Punkazzes say they're here to "get phat." But the Punkazzes don't want to serve people on a plate. To survive, they have to wack Jack's culture. And Jack don't play dat...."

Ummm yea lmao. Reading the instruction manual is much more entertaining then actually playing the game.

The story in this game revolves around One Eye Jack, who is some mutated freak kid who only has one eye, has white hair, and apparently thinks he is a hardcore gangster. He reminds me of like a little shriveled up Bart Simpson. He rides a skateboard and his weapon throughout the game is a slingshot.

The cut scenes in this game are the only interesting thing about it. They are like a comic book where One Eye Jack talks in gangsta talk about trying to save his precious cereal called "Cocoa Soul Puffies" from the "Punkazz aliens".

I had this game for many years, but forgot I owned it until this week. I remembered the game being frustrating as hell when I was a kid and it played just how I remembered it. The controls in this game are horrendous. You ride a skateboard or snowboard throughout the game and when you move left or right you glide for a bit. So it makes quickly turning directions or platforming needlessly tedious and sometimes near impossible. The developers have tons of sections where you need to make precise jumps on tiny moving platforms. The controls make this very very annoying. Also, you cannot shoot and move at the same time....

Boss battles in this game randomly turn into a mediocre rhythm game where you press the buttons that scroll across the top screen. When you hit a series of the buttons at the right time, you press the A button and the boss loses health. Repeat that about 10 times and the boss dies. You are djing during boss battles and apparently the sound of you scratching is able to kill aliens and make them explode.

Also, the only reason I bought this game as a kid was because it included a free knock off tech deck finger board lol. I think that is the only way this game sold any copies. I believe that fingerboard broke shortly after I bought it too.

Whats up with me? A monkey watches me pee. Also, a Sniper Elite (PS2) Review.

2010-02-06T12:39:00.000-08:00

If this Peeping Tom monkey was in Sniper Elite on PS2 I would snipe him between his beady little eyes.

OOO AHHH OOO!!!! ME BRING A SNACK AND WATCH YOU GO POO!

One of my roommates hangs this towel on a rack over the toilet. It has 2 monkeys like this that creepily stare at me while I expel urine into the urine devouring receptacle. These perverted monkeys make me feel uncomfortable. Why are they getting ready to eat a banana in the bathroom? That is unsanitary! What if they lost their balance and dropped their food into the toilet?? It could splash the newly arrived urine in the toilet bowl back at me!! These darn inconsiderate monkeys…. I mean DAMN DIRTY TOILET LOITERING APES!!!!!!!!!

Also, you would think this monkey would be afraid of some pee splashback landing on him. Well considering monkeys do things like this **WARNING VERY DISTURBING I AM NOT JOKING DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE NASTY STUFF** ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiZpOPRzFo ) I guess I should not be so suprised that this monkey is attracted to urine.

So, I am finally almost completely settled into my new place after being here about 2 weeks. I at least have pathways for walking through the room now. I am in the process of trying to get all of my game consoles setup at once. I have a NES, SNES,N64,GC,PS2,and PS3 and I want them all to be setup to TVs or monitors and be plugged into a power outlet so that I can play any of them whenever the mood strikes me. People who saw my room in my video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpJ3k2NaeAg ) kept telling me it would never happen. Some people on a digitpress.com thread ( http://www.digitpress.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140542 ) told me to sell my collection and switch to emulation to save room. As expected, gaming blasphemy of that kind made me quite perturbed and even more determined to prove these naysayers wrong.

Well, This morning I spent an hour or so thinking of possible console setup scenarios and trying a few out. I am now completely certain I will be able to get all of these consoles hooked up and ready to play. Screw you people who told me I could not do it! A determined gamer geek is a force to be reckoned with and can accomplish unprecedented things!!!!!!

I did not game at all for about a week once school started. That was painful. But, I am happy to inform you people that this depressing state of affairs is no more. I have started replaying Sniper Elite on PS2.

SNIPER ELITE! (No Spoilers, any aspects of the story discussed are in the games intro already)

This is one of my favorite PS2 games and I have played a lot of them. This is one of my favorite World War 2 themed games and I have played far too many games in this often stale and boring genre. Also, This is one of my favorite third person shooters. Yes it is set in a World War 2 setting, but it follows a fictional and interesting story. You play as a special agent guy whose enemy is not the Nazis or any other Axis power. His enemy is The Russians, but, more specifically, the enemies are the Russian secret agent people. They have a plot to get a hold of nuclear material in Germany to make their own Nuclear weapon. So in essence, you are starting to fight in the cold war while World War 2 is still going on. What is cool about this from a gameplay perspective is that in many levels you will encounter dueling German and Russian forces, but you do not need to kill them. They would rather shoot at each other than you. But of course I snipe all those guys for fun anyways muahaha.

Why do I love this game so much? It is just such a unique game. There is no other game that I know of that is purely focused on realistic sniping like this. You can adjust the difficulty/ realisticness of your single player campaign. I play on the rookie level.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

,some of you less enlightened gamers may proclaim to yourself in a giggly prepubescent frenzy, but this game is very challenging even on the Rookie difficulty setting. You see, enemies in this game are tough and they are intelligent. If they spot you they will run from you and go hide. Unlike in other games, when they get shot at by a sniper they have the common sense to go take cover. They will even try flanking you if you stay in the same spot too long. They often will sneakily toss a grenade at you if you camp in one spot too long after you are spotted. This makes things very intense and makes enemy encounters play out difficulty almost every time.

As for the realism of sniping, it is really great. On the Rookie Difficulty setting, gravity affects your shots. This means that based on how close or far away your targets are, you have to adjust your aim vertically to compensate. It makes getting sweet headshots on far away targets or from quick shots even more satisfying. Your heart rate also effects how you play on the Rookie difficulty setting. Think real snipers can sprint for 5 minutes then dive to the ground and hold their breath for 30 seconds to stabilize their shot? Well, they can't. If you do lots of running around you see a little heart rate monitor thing act up and if you try holding your breath to stabilize your scoped in view, it won't work until you catch your breath.

On higher difficulty settings, you can add even more variables to the gameplay like wind for example. This means that on top of taking gravity into making consideration when placing shots, you have to adjust your aim to the left or right depending on how hard the wind is blowing in either direction.

You know what else is great about this game? Sniping is fun. It is really fun. Especially when this game lets you compete for high scores on levels. You get more points for lining up 2 or 3 people and hitting them with one shot. You get points for "remote detonations" which means sniping explosives or having somebody trigger a tripwire explosive you set. You get points for headshots. Even cooler is that this game compares your scores with other players online.

Even though this game is about sniping, you can use other weapons. You have various machine guns and grenades/explosives to use. However, relying on these weapons will get you killed very quickly since they are so loud and the enemy is just as proficient as or better than you at using them. So, the game forces you to be a good sniper, meaning that you are encouraged to try to engage enemies from far away and take them out without others noticing when you can. You can use a pistol to sneak up on enemies and get silent kills on them too though.

This game also has the coolest headshots out of any game ever. When you happen to land a headshot, as soon as you hit the trigger the camera switches over to a view that follows the bullet from the instant it leaves your rifle. It follows the bullet until it makes contact with an enemy's unfortunate skull. It will also do this cool zoom in camera effect if you hit multiple people with one bullet or hit moving targets.

I have probably played this game for over 50 hours total in the few years I have had it. Every like 6 months I start replaying the campaign and get addicted to it again haha. This game even has offline split screen co-op which I imagine must be awesome, since one player could draw out and spot the enemy while the other snipes those enemies. This game also has online multiplayer.

I played 2 or 3 matches of this in the last week. I had a blast. This is one of the most tense and most satisfying online multiplayer games that is still playable on PS2. The enemy artificial intelligence in the game was pretty great, but human intelligence is even more challenging to go up against. It makes your victories that much more satisfying and your defeats become even more devastating.

Me loves me some sniping. Pick up this game people! This is a gem! If you like stealth/third person shooters/AWESOME SNIPING get this game. You will not regret it. If you only play Run and Gun shooters then this game may not be your cup of tea, but I think that if you give it a chance you can come to love it as well. This game is a bit pricey for a PS2 game. A used complete copy will run you around 30 something bucks at the cheapest. It is worth it though, believe me, but make sure you get the game with the manual. It helps explain sniping tactics and aiming strategies which help you get better at the game quite a bit.

If you plan to get into the online aspect of this game, check out this forum (http://sniperelite.hqforums.com/ ) If you ever want to play this game online with me. Just Private message me. I will cry buckets of manly tears when this game's online servers are inevitably shut down. Until that time though, I will snipe as many people in the face as I can hehe.

I moved into a room that is smaller than Jay Leno's amount of decency.

2010-01-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

Moving sucks. Why can't somebody invent some teleportation device so I dont have to pack my stuff into boxes, pack those boxes on a dirty rented truck, then unpack those boxes in a tiny room, and then unpack in that room and have no way to walk through it for a week???

I got here on sunday. This room is really really really really tiny. It was not meant to be a bedroom. It has a window but no sunlight reaches it. When I wake up at 2pm (early morning for me) it is still pitch black in here. It bothers the hell out of me. I am going to buy a lamp timer or something to turn my lights on when I need to wake up. Otherwise, I wont realize its daytime and I need to wakeup for school lol.

But yea it is my fault I am stuck here for awhile. I was rushing to find a place before school starts, so I did not think carefully enough about how turdy it will be like living here. I now get 6 months of living in a batcave!

Here is a crappily shot video of my amazing room using a Playstation 2 eyetoy. Hopefully my violent thrashing around with the camera makes you nauseous. That would be cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpJ3k2NaeAg

Also, I dont know how many of you people have been paying attention to the whole Jay Leno being a butthead thing and wanting to take Conan's show back from him. It is a complicated thing. But basically Jay Leno is a buttfaced sleazebucket.

Despite your feelings on this issue. You must give Jimmy Kimmel tons of credit for this. This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long long time. Jay Leno is basically castrated on his own show Watch the whole thing. It get progressively funnier and genius as it goes along.

A very very very stupid blog. Enjoy!

2010-01-09T03:52:00.000-08:00

This conversation may make a bit more sense if you read this blog first . Also, you grammar nazis out there may want to avoid reading this. This is a spur of the moment conversation so there is lots of crimes against grammer contained within this mass of text. I am far too lazy to clean up the grammatical errors. To save yourself from wetting yourself in horror, you may wish to flee this webpage as soon as possible.

11:48:40 PM) Mr.Hill: F.W.Buchholz High School
(11:48:55 PM) ME: ?
(11:49:01 PM)Mr. Hill: http://bhs.sbac.edu/
(11:49:13 PM)Mr. Hill: i bet that school really stinks
(11:49:19 PM)ME: hahahaha
(11:49:42 PM)ME: farty weiner bucholz high school
(11:50:29 PM)Mr. Hill: lol
(11:51:34 PM)ME: ill be up for a long time to play something else, but guessing ur going to bed
(11:51:45 PM)Mr. Hill: yessir
(11:51:50 PM)ME: or searching for other buchholz things
(11:52:06 PM)Mr. Hill: i don't know why there is an animal on their site
(11:52:13 PM)Mr. Hill: it needs to be a giant asshole
(11:52:21 PM)ME: fecalfeline
(11:52:39 PM)ME: or felion
(11:52:46 PM)ME: forget the spelling
(11:52:51 PM)ME: its a buchcat
(11:53:04 PM)ME: meowholtz
(11:53:54 PM)ME: "Siemens Foundation and College Board
Recognizes Buchholz
for Outstanding Math, Science Education"
(11:53:57 PM)ME: haahhahahahahahaahahahahahah

(11:54:10 PM)Mr. Hill: i heard they have a great anatomy teacher
(11:54:19 PM)Mr. Hill: who makes all the students perform self enema
(11:54:51 PM)ME: lol
(11:55:10 PM)ME: Gainesville, Florida
(11:55:16 PM)ME: hey you can go for a visit

(11:55:30 PM)ME: "New to Gainesville? Thinking of attending Buchholz?"

(11:55:31 PM)Mr. Hill: yeah, you know that kid i saw with the buchholz shirt?

(11:55:38 PM)Mr. Hill: that is the place

(11:55:41 PM)ME: lmao

(11:55:47 PM)ME: you nutjob Floridians

(11:56:07 PM) Mr. Hill:you are killing me with the buchholz jokes
(11:56:58 PM)ME: http://www.eteamz.com/buchholzboysgolf/
(11:57:10 PM)ME: those werent jokes
(11:57:15 PM)ME: those were quotes from their site
(11:58:10 PM)Mr. Hill: Buchholz boys
(11:58:12 PM)ME: "Buchholz boys duo ties for 11th at state:"
(11:58:13 PM)Mr. Hill: LOL
(11:58:29 PM)Mr. Hill: the kid in the back, HAHA
(11:58:34 PM)ME: "WELCOME TO BUCHHOLZ BOBCAT WRESTLING"
(11:58:43 PM)Mr. Hill: WELCOME TO BUCHHOLZ WRESTLING
(11:58:44 PM)ME: http://bhsbobcatwrestling.blogspot.com/
(11:59:02 PM)ME: "Support the Buchholz Bobcat wrestlers and come experience
the WILL to WIN. "
(11:59:05 PM)ME: o man....
(11:59:08 PM)ME: this is too much
(11:59:25 PM)ME: "Head Coach
BillyPankey"
(11:59:26 PM)ME: ahahhahah
(1/9/2010 12:01:29 AM)Mr. Hill: Bill Pankey wants some hanky panky from the Buchholz boys
(12:02:01 AM)ME: lmao
(12:02:04 AM)ME: this is just classic
(12:03:42 AM)ME: "WELCOME TO BUCHHOLZ BOBCAT WRESTLING THE SEASON HAS BEGUN AND THE EXCITEMENT IS HERE!!"
(12:04:08 AM)Mr. Hill: WELCOME TO BUCHHOLZ BOBCAT WRESTLING THE DIAHERRA HAS BEGUN AND THE STINK IS HERE!!"
(12:06:10 AM)ME: lmao
(12:06:32 AM)ME: dude, would you mind if I posted the buccholz part of this convo on my blog? This is fucking hilarious
(12:06:42 AM)ME: I could change your name if u want so crazyies dont im u
(12:07:00 AM)Mr. Hill: yeah, sure
(12:07:08 AM)Mr. Hill: call me uhh... Mr. Hill
(12:07:25 AM)ME: lmfao
(12:07:26 AM)ME: ok
(12:10:36 AM)ME: alright i really need to go eat
(12:10:44 AM)ME: this buchholtz talk was too distracting
(12:11:41 AM)ME: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AkmxZUzsuvE/R5eQc3TJAjI/AAAAAAAAAEI/AyQ8umScLuY/S660/logosign2.jpg
(12:14:45 AM)ME: holy shit
(12:14:47 AM)ME: holy shit
(12:14:49 AM)ME: http://www.eteamz.com/BuchholzBoysGolf/guestbook.cfm
(12:14:53 AM)ME: they have a guestbook!!!!!
(12:15:06 AM)Mr. Hill: oh my GODDDDDDDDDDDDDd
(12:15:28 AM)ME: ah, we have to register for some shit account
(12:15:30 AM)ME: its free though
(12:15:33 AM)ME: I am going to do it
(12:18:39 AM)ME: meh
(12:18:44 AM)ME: it sounds like too much of a hassle
(12:18:52 AM)ME: damn you buchholzes!!!
(12:19:07 AM)Mr. Hill: they are truly buchholzes to the end
(12:19:27 AM)ME: yea the terms of service to register are a bit stinky
(12:20:05 AM)ME: No wonder why this poor buchholz high school has zero signatures in their guestbook.
(12:20:19 AM)Mr. Hill: you mean their holtzbook
(12:20:46 AM)ME: guestbuch
(12:21:32 AM)Mr. Hill: ha
(12:21:43 AM)Mr. Hill: a buchholz for guests to use at their own convenience
(12:22:22 AM)ME: lol
(12:22:24 AM)ME: well I need to go eat
(12:22:32 AM)ME: this site gave me tons of laughs
(12:22:52 AM)ME: wonder if their sports jerseys are all brown
(12:23:12 AM)ME: The janitors must spend a lot of time cleaning up in the bathrooms
(12:23:17 AM)ME: buchholzes can be very messy
(12:23:18 AM)ME: lmao
(12:23:26 AM)Mr. Hill: lol
(12:23:34 AM)Mr. Hill: especially if they have had korean food [This relates to a recent experince of mine. I shall tell the story in equation form. Crappy Korean Restaurant's Food + My Digestive System = Long Time On Toilet]
(12:23:40 AM)ME: lol
(12:24:00 AM)ME: alright well ttyl
(12:24:01 AM)ME: food time

Some of you may wonder why the person I am talking to is labeled as "Mr.Hill". Well you sleazy skimmers of blogs, had you read the whole thing you would see why lol.

I shall show mercy to those of you who fear big blocks of text like the one above. I will just tell you why the other person is shown as "Mr.Hill". We like the show King of the Hill. It is muy hilarioso. I was not sure how many stalkers and everyday lunatics frequent my blog, so the other guy came up with the "Mr.Hill" alias to protect himself from being tracked down by you crazies lol.

Internet blog? Bwwwaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

A few of you overly curious readers may wonder why there is random spaces between lines of dialogue. I had to mess with a link to get it to work and for some reason it messed up the formatting. NO matter what I did I could not get rid of those blank lines. O well.

Also, here is one of the funniest videos I have ever seen in my life. It may also scar you for life. Click at your own risk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtkSVCd4JSo

Someone showed me this video in a gamespot.com offtopic forum which did not get locked, despite the site's extremely strict rules. So, it is nothing too bad, but I would not open this up at work or something.

A few games I have been playing.

2010-01-03T02:03:00.000-08:00

I like how I never mentioned anything Christmasy/ holidays related in a blog. I think I will keep that up. Oh wait, DOH. I just mentioned it. You know I like the grinch character, all before he turns good at the end lol. Christmas kind of annoys me a bit, I do not know why.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... Not sure what I should talk about. It has been over 2 weeks since my last blog, so I know you are all eagerly awaiting for another glimpse into my lazyhobomind.

Oh yea, I have been watching the Sopranos. I finished season one yesterday. I really like this show. Mafia stuff is always so entertaining. I got the 4th disc of the season from Netflix last night, assuming there would be 4 hour long episodes on there like the other 3 discs. I watched one episode and realized it was the last of the season and discovered the rest of the disc only had special features. Ugh... now I must wait 3 or 4 days for my next rental to arrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I bought another PS3 game. It cost me 30 dollars used. I was not happy with that price, but I had promised that one haze loving fool from a previous blog containing a rant about a smelly turd game http://lazyhoboguy.blogspot.com/2009/12/vile-rant-about-haze-ps3.html . I had promised this guy that if he bought Jak X: Combat Racing by 12/21/09 that I would keep haze and do one online co op playtrhough of the games unbelievably horrid single player campaign. I ended up at that buy 2 get 1 free deal where I saw terrible crimes against all of gamerkind. I could not resist selling off Haze and so I did. I broke my word about keeping that crudtastic game, so I had to buy some other game that this dude wanted. He wanted me to get another online co-op ps3 game. Having already gotten cheap vomity games like Army of Two and Haze for that reason, I decided that if I did get another ps3 online co op game it would have to be at least slightly good. After surveying my options like that 50 cent blood on the sand game... I decided getting Call of Duty: World at War used for 30 dollars was my best bet.

**********SPOILERS*************************************************************

Call of Duty: World at War (PS3)

SinglePlayer

I finished the singleplayer campaign of Call of Duty: World at War. I would rate that like a 7/10. It ripped off way too many movies and games. It copied cod4 in many ways unsurprisingly. It had the "sniping level" like cod4. I love sniping. I still somewhat enjoyed this level but its blatant rip off of cod4's idea and the movie "Enemy at the Gates" really annoyed me. The sniping scenario starts out almost identical to a scene in that movie.

This game was obsessed with flamethrowers and fire. Like it was fun using one to burn down enemy infested grass and trees for 5 minutes, but after that holding down the trigger button and flailing my joystick around to light stuff on fire got boring quick.

This game also did not seem to run nearly as smooth as cod4 (aiming response and frame rate), but maybe that was just me.

I did enjoy the gore in this game though lol. It has Saving Private Ryan level gore when people get near explosives. O yea, this game also ripped off the D-day scene from that movie. It even had the above water and under water camera shots of the soldiers who got shot out of their boats. I personally think that Conker's Bad Fur Day on N64 did the best verion of this scene lol.

The singleplayer campaign also seemed a lot more linear and hostile to free movement around the environment than cod4. I ran into lots of invisible walls and it annoyed me. At least in cod4 you had buildings which had real walls, so it did not feel as limiting as running into a random fence or line of trees that had some type of supernatural ability to keep me from moving past them.

Also, this game made me realize how sick of WW2 games I am. I am sick of having to shoot mother fucking stupid garands! At least this game changed it up by having like 40 percent of the campaign be based in the Japanese side of WW2.

Another minor annoyance in the game was that it had those "modern" crazy randomly moving type of intro graphic thingamajigs that cod4 had. They were almost comical to me. The screen would flip around way too often and unnecessarily. These intros just seemed so out of place in a ww2 game set in the 1940s.

Alright, enough of my bitching about the single player.

Multiplayer

Luckily the multiplayer of this game is quite good. I would rate it a 8 out of 10. It basically just takes cod4 and gives it a new World War 2 theme. I find the sniping to be much more enjoyable in this game when compared to Call of Duty Modern Warfare. In Cod4, they made sniper rifles so weak that they might as well had shot rubber bullets at people. It would take 2 shots to the chest at least to kill people usually. I know they wanted to keep things balanced, but as a sniper you are at a severe disadvantage since you are useless at close range. The game likes to randomly spawn people 10 feet away from you too. The whole point of being a sniper is that they have long range powerful weapons, but are crappy in close range fighting. If you take away the effectiveness of their weapon they are pretty useless. Luckily Cod4 had this stupid sniper rifle that was rapid fire but weak. You had to just learn to spam shots very quickly and use it like a machine gun. It was fun, but did not feel like a real sniper rifle. In Cod5 the sniper rifle is powerful and can kill with one hit to the chest, but like all the WW2 weapons reloads slowly which makes it a balanced weapon.

Also, Nazi Zombies is freaking insanely fun. This is a mode where randomly dead nazi's start rushing at your shoddy run down location. You have lots of windows, but they are only covered by a few hastily placed boards. The zombies try to get in by tearing the wood planks from the windows. You got to kill them and repair the windows when you have time in between the zombie slaying. The amount and speed of the zombies increases with each wave and things get intense quickly. I think this mode is better than the entire single player campaign lol.

**************End of Call of Duty: World at War Spoilers********************

Wow, this blog has morphed into a insanely long boring one. Cool. I feel proud of myself.

Demon's Souls (PS3)

I was eagerly waiting to be done with finals so I could hop back onto this superb game. I had not played it for 3 weeks because I did not want to fail my finals. This game was so addicting that when playing it I got very little done, so I had to ignore this marvelous game for far too long. When I finally did get to play the game again.... I finished the game within 5 hours. The game took me around 65 hours total to finish. The ending was a bit unsatisfying. But the game was so good that I still think the game is amazing. I felt very sad after finishing it though, because I craved more demon slaying, but I did not feel like replaying the game again on the harder difficulty just yet. I rated this game a 9 out of 10 and it was one of the best gaming experiences I have had this whole year.

Eye Toy Play 2 (PS2)

I just got this in the mail today. I got the game and eyetoy camera itself new for around 20 dollars. The game has a bunch of minigames on there like table tennis, some ninja smacking game, a chef game, a drumming game, and many others. My mom even played it lol. It is pretty fun because it is so different. I can see myself growing tired of it after a bit though. I also got this because I found drivers that let you use the camera as a pc webcam. The eyetoy also works on ps3 for video chat and stuff.

PixelJunk: 3 in 1 Pack (PS3) [Imported from Korea]

I also imported my first game ever this month. I got a new copy of the PixelJunk: 3 in 1 Pack off of ebay for around 30 dollars. It contains 3 PSN games on a disc. It was not released in North America. I refuse to buy digital download only games, so I am very happy to be able to get a hard copy of these games so that I can actually play them.The disc edition of these games also has the game soundtracks for 2 of the games and includes PS3 themes based off the games.

PixelJunk Monsters is the only game I have played extensively so far. It is a tower defense game. That means that you have an area to defend and monsters will march in from parts of the map on their evil buttmunchy mission to destroy the area you are defending. You run around the map setting up towers in trees that will shoot at the monsters in different ways. There are lots of different tower types. They can shoots arrows, cannon balls, lightning stuff, fire and other things. The towers can also be upgraded by killing enemies or if you move your character over to one and dance. LOl, I am serious. Dancing makes your towers get stronger. You also have to collect coins things from killed enemies. These are used to buy new towers. You also collect rare gems or something that can be used to research new tower types or quickly upgrade existing towers. This game is very addicting.

The game is so awesome it even has a built in video capture thing that lets you record footage of you match and upload it directly to youtube. I decided to use it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSyT5-DvTMM

The other 2 games I have barely touched. I have not started PixelJunk Eden at all, but I played its demo months ago and loved it. I only played PixelJunk Racers for less than 10 minutes, so I cannot claim to have a valid opinion of the game yet.

A Terrible Journey into the Demon Infested Kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

2009-12-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

So anways...Bah. I am like a gaming crackhead. I have been trying to avoid buying more games since I have little money coming in for myself, but stupid deals break down my defenses.

Estarland.com is having a deal where all used games get you free shipping. So I bought Star Wars Battlefront ($12 complete) and Nascar Thunder 2004 (Don't laugh, it was for testing purposes. It was said to have a secret LAN mode that only shows up after you enter a code. I tried it and it works. It was only 4 bucks for a complete copy)

Soon after this, shamestop (gamesuck...gamestool...lamepool...tamedrool ...gameslop...lameslop...flamingplop...LOL, fine ok gamestop) sent me a sinister email declaring that the cruel and oppressive giant corporation was having a buy 2 get 1 free deal on used games. I felt like I was entering into a hostile place, a place rivaling the evil and hostility of the feared kingdom of Boleteria (If you get this reference to this PS3 game you are awesome) The trip to this terrible store of tortured games (who have been ripped of their dignity, their covers and manuals tossed away, leaving them naked, violated, confused. Now they are trapped in a horrible existence, stitting in generic plastic prisons created by the Gamestop corporation.) started out ominously. Their was a great rainstorm that made me have to drive extremely slowly and the roads were all but deserted. It seemed as if the general populice sensed that something was wrong about this gloomy night and hid away to protect their lives.

Once I arrived at the parking lot of this terrible establishment I had to walk swiftly from my car through the relentless pouring rain. This journey was only about 50 feet, but I was drenched to the bone after completing the brisk walk. Before even entering this death dealing gaming shop, I saw , to my horror, 2 sections of shelving sitting outside the store. As the distance between them and I inevitably shortened, I realized that my worst fears had come true. Contained on these shelves were nearly half of this merciless store's Playstation 2 stock. These poor wonderful contributions to the rich history of gaming were placed outside in a horrendous rainstorm with only a small part of the roof covering them from above. I examined these unfortunate fellows and as I had feared nearly all of them were completely drenched. The cases, cover art, and game manuals were all covered in foul smelling water. The proud identities of these games were fading from existence as the ink that made up the manuals and cover art ran off the paper...

I rummaged through the wounded and dying games. I knew most were too far near gaming death and I had to ignore their eery pleading stares and rescue the few games that were only mildly injured from the rain. I grabbed a few that were not yet mortally wounded and were able to be healed with some wipes from my sweater.

Emotionally scarred from the insane watery genocide I had witnessed, I stumbled into the store with my few liberated games. The warmth and dryness of the privileged games in this store only made my rage grow about their gaming brothers who were left for dead just feet away. But I realized I mustn't blame these fortunate games. It was not their fault, but the fault of the evil regime that ran this domain. I gathered up a stack of these dry games and brought them to the counter, a place where many poor games are sold into slavery by their Jack Ass owners. The strange creatures that stood behind this counter looked up at me. While looking into their blank stares, I informed these monsters about the condition of the games outside in the storm. They shrugged and said management told them to do that. So, these 2 masses of flesh in front of me were merely the footsoldiers of a stronger and hidden force...

A Gamestop Employee

A Gamestop Employee Emerging from A Refreshing "Sleeping" Period

These pawns of the gamestop corporation went about their task of finding the game discs for the cases I had brought to them. After a very long time, one of these teenage minions informed me that one of the game cases I had brought them had no disk behind the counter. "SUCH CRUEL TRICKERY", I thought to myself. But I restrained from voicing my rage, realizing this game was beyond saving and I should focus on saving another. I went and picked out another Playstation 2 game and brought it back to these evil employees. After yet another extremely long amount of time, this miniature satan informed me that once again the game for the case I had brought had apparently vanished. "These games are suffering so much that they must be escaping themselves", I thought. "But, without their artwork and manual, they would not last long in the outside world. A lone disc is a vulnerable object in the hostile realities of this bleak world." Again, I cautiously glanced through the store, hoping to find another video game to set free. I found a gameboy advance game and brought it back up to the counter. While operating the cash register, one containing a collection of cash earned through the annihilation of once noble games, I saw a box full of "$1.99 and under games". I looked through the dozens of EA sports and madden games, my expression changing to let these games know that even though they had committed their own atrocities towards gamers in the past, not even they deserved to be presented in paper sleeves like this.

I tried to connect with these strange beings behind the counter by nervously conversing with them. Saying, " I have never seen so many Madden games in my life" while pointing at the box of $1.99 and under games. The amoral employee let out a horrible laugh and said " I wish we could sell all the PS2 games in paper sleeves like that" Immediately, vomit rose up in the back of my throat. I realized that these former normal human beings had lost all traces of humanity now and were but empty shells dealing out the torturous destruction delegated to them by the rulers of the kingdom of Gamestoptaria.

All I could think about was getting out of this repuslive location, while the gamestop minion babbled on and on about taking a survery and being entered into a raffle for some dirty blood-soaked money. After my receipt was handed to me, I walked out of the store. I am a changed person. I shall never forget the things I saw this day. My grateful liberated games will always remind me of why I must avoid this place for as long as I can. But deep down I know, that there is a sick dark side of me that may overtake my sensibilities and con me into returning once again....

Games Liberated From The Kingdom of Gamestoptaria

PS2 SOULS

Gun

Alien Hominid

Sega Classics Collection

Medal of Honor Frontline

Onimusha 2: Samurai's Destiny

Max Payne

Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven

GBA SOULS

Konami Collector's Series: Arcade Advanced

Classic NES Series: Castlevania

I may have hated the cruelty of this sick twisted kingdom of Gamestoptaria , but I am no angel or similar bird-like dead guy. I sold HAZE to these monsters. I hated the game so much that I have commited this terrible atrocitiy in order to ensure the game has a long period of unbearable torture at the hands of Gamestoptaria's demons.

Hopefully though, the unprecedented terribleness of HAZE can slowly eat away at the foundation of this vile kingdom, causing it to one day collapse on top of itself from the rapid manner in which the ASSHATical disease contained in HAZE has spread.

A Vile Rant About Haze (PS3)

2009-12-02T01:12:00.000-08:00

So.... I bought a used copy of Haze for PS3 on Black Friday for 8 dollars. I knew it was going to bad, but I thought reviewers were just punishing the game for the hype with their very low reviews. Free Radical, the developers, have made some of my favorite First Person Shooters ever (Timesplitters Series), so I felt like I had to feed my curiosity and see if it was true that such awesome developers could really make something so many people hate with a deep passion.

Well I played this game 5 or 6 hours and I could not stand any more of it. After coming to the realization that spending any more time with this game would make me vomit and crap myself uncontrolably, resulting in a very unpleasant and smelly death, I talked to this crazy guy on msn (Nosferatu1922) who I frequently talk with about my gaming adventures. I had mainly got this game so we could play it's online co- op mode.

I was going to make a big huge rant just for my blog, but after making this spontaneous one in msn I was too drained and discombobulated to write another.

I also should note I woke up at 5 am this morning and had 4 hours sleep before that. Sleep deprivation always leads to my most scholarly and G-rated blogs doesn't it?...

Some Spoilers about the TURDgame Haze are in this rant, so you have been warned.

Also, since I am sleep deprived in this, very angry at wasting 5 or 6 HAZEY POOPNUGGETY hours of my life playing this... I say a lot of random and potentionally offensive crap. So you have been warned about that too lol.

This Rant has lots of cursing and potentially offensive and hilarious junk in it. So, read at your own risk people.

Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:36 PM):
*wow haze...
*the single player is terrible

*ive played a few more hours
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:37 PM):
*fucking boring as hell
*there was like 20 mins of the game when it was intersting when u switch sides, but thats it
*im near the end I think
*moving a fucking retard missle
*i hope im almost done
*i wont be able to play this shit online co op
*its terrible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*WRONG!
*we shall make it interesting
*with backstabbing goodness
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its fucking as bad or worse than army of 2...
*free radical....
*where u on crack
*?
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:38 PM):
*bull shit
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:38 PM):
*its bad man
*really bad
*i wanted to like it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:39 PM):
*ARMY OF 2 IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST GAME EVAR!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (11:39 PM):
*its fucking repetiive, and the gunplay is just boring
*ugh free radical has betrayed me
*this game
*imagine if I paid 60 for it haha
*I would commint a mass murder
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:40 PM):
*we need to at least try it
*also i dont think your even close to the end
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:41 PM):
*if your moving the missle...
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:42 PM):
*i think your about 1/2 way
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (11:49 PM):
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIiK-fVypTo&fmt=5
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*im halfway....
*dear zombie jesys
*i give up
*fuck this game
*it shall be sold back
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:29 AM):
*would you like one of these ---->
*rkewmxn
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*yeas that is what i mean
nosferatu1922(tpfp) is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "Come On!". Show in Panel: Show
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:29 AM):
*i hate this more than army of 2 i think
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*no way in hell am i playing the co op
*fuck this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*we need to at least try and play haze in coop
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*fuck it
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*WE NEED TO TRY!!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*its terrible
*noooooooo
*I refuse sir
*its too bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*WE SAW ARMY OF 2 TO THE FINISH LETS TAKE THE MASTERS CHALLENGE!!!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:30 AM):
*I would rather put a pineapple up my ass then play any more of this game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:30 AM):
*you aint no hitler >.>
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*but man
*this is soo bad
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*whats so bad about it
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*I thought people were exagerating
*its so fucking shitty
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*its a reletively average shooter
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*boring ass repetive combat
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*pretend your playing it on the ps2
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*long pointless walks to artificially lengthen the game
*no sprint
*so you walk even slower
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:31 AM):
*then it BECOMES AMMAZING
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:31 AM):
*fucking 2 enemy types...
*boring ass weapns
*boring ass everything
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:32 AM):
*the only cool part was when he trips out and shoots up the mantel people
*after that its just awful again
*I am sorry to say this but free radical deserved to go bankrupt after making this fecal berry
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:33 AM):
*okay, lets go burn our copys of tsp3 then
*THAT WILL SHOW THEM
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:33 AM):
*no fuck that, you know what I mean
*their money problems were warranted
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*this game was total ass in video game form
*not good ass
*stink 500 pound hairy stretch mark covered ass
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:34 AM):
*so more cushin for the pushin?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:34 AM):
*lol
*man this game
*its as bad as soldier of fortune payback
*army of 2 was better
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*what the hell
*you need to calm down
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*ughhhhhhhhhh you dissapoint me free radical
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*it was average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*I must go exectue an innocent money now as revenge
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:35 AM):
*AAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:35 AM):
*its was bad
*below average
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*it wasnt unplayable or broken
*but it was boring as hell
*its like a 5.5 out of 10
*6 out of 10 max
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:36 AM):
*you need to crank up the difficulty then
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:36 AM):
*maybe, but even then it would be boring as hell
*their is no strategy to the combat
*just run at them and hold down the trigger or wait for them to do the same to u
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
*2 enemy types??!?!?!
*cmon
*wtf
*boring as hell
*ughgghghghghg
*crappy ass vehicle handling
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
*..............
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:37 AM):
*ugghghghghghghghghghghghhghgghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghgh
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:37 AM):
*well lets play coop
*NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWZZZZZZZZZZ
*or tommarowazcdjaklfn
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help is sending a soun*.
Action: Play "M16"
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*no
*I will put a bullet in my skull before that occurs
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*yes we will be shooting people with guns in the game
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*I am selling this game back as soon as possible
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:38 AM):
*did you even play multi?
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:38 AM):
*yea
*it was meh
*wasnt terrible
*but not good either
*was just a nade spamfest and teamkill fest
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*and the mantel trooper just rape the rebels every time
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
*bullshit
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*i only played like 30 mins of a team mode
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:39 AM):
*rebels allways ussually wins
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:39 AM):
*but I really have no interest to try it anymore
*lets just wait until i get cod5 , then we can online co op
*because this shit is shit
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:40 AM):
** Come on!
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:40 AM):
*lol I am mad I payed 8 dollars for this
*lol
*it is worth 1 dollar
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*coop is worht 7 more dollaersz
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*and that is only for the meh multiplayer
*that single player
*uggggggggggggggh
*i cant imagine co op being fun
*same shit game
*just with 2 people now
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*4 peoplez
*on insane mode
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:41 AM):
*so, now its just a crowded shit game
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:41 AM):
*with flamethrower
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:42 AM):
*stop defending this game, deep down in your evil cold black heart you know this game is a steaming pile of rancid horse maneur
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*heh, you care if I post this in my blog
*THis convo
*about my hatred for the game
*I was going to rant about it in the blog
*but already did it ehre
*here
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
*i say its an average shooter and with the price you pay for it nowadays makes for a great experienc
*COOOPZZNLJNLKAN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWZZZ
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:43 AM):
*no
*I refuse
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:43 AM):
*YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*hey so u care if ur im name is in my blog, since your paraonid in all
nosferatu1922(tpfp) says (12:44 AM):
*i say its better then halo 1 & 2 PUT TOGETHER
Scott/LazyHoboGuy/WormAssassin *help says (12:44 AM):
*or I can change your name to something else like "retardwholikeshazeforsomestrangereaston"

If you made it through this vile trash.... You are a very strong willed person and deserve a treat. Well it is also just as vile lol. But you know the risks of reading my blog, so I blame only YOU.

A Wacky Week

2009-11-20T23:29:00.001-08:00

I don't know if you guys noticed , but in my last blog I mentioned that I found mold under my window in my room. I was at first trying to convince myself that it was just a scuff mark or some dirt, but later that day I looked at it more closely and realized that it was for sure mold, and it was over a humongous section of my wall. The more walls of the room I checked, the more mold I found. It was even in my closet. You know that wooden legged table that my TV sat on in my gaming setup blog?? Its back legs were covered with mold, and I had to throw it out. Apparently mold is no new problem in this neighborhood. The buildings are townhouses, meaning they are long connected sections of apartments. They have flat roofs mostly. But even worse, the sections of the buildings that have normal triangular roofs are usually attached right behind or to the side of the flat roofs and they are like a story higher. This means that all the water runs off of the high up triangluar rooves and stays on top of the flat ones. The designers of this neighborhood deserve repeated kicks in the nads for this "brilliant" design.

The mold was really bad, so I had no choice but to move my ass out of there as quick as possible. The next day I managed to get all my stuff out and am living back with my parents until the semester is over in a month. I now get to spend 2 hours each way commuting to school. I take a boat for one hour and then a train for another hour 2 times a day now. I have to wake up at 5 am 2 days a week! That is usually when I go to sleep lol.

Anyways, I live (well lived) in San Francisco, one of the few cities that puts a lot of focus on its public transit system. Even a city that cares about its public transit system still manages to have an unreliable and piece of crap one. I can only imagine what the public transit in other cities must be like.

I SEE NO EVIDENCE TO VALIDATE YOUR CLAIMS!! You may be thinking to yourself angrily. Well, like I have mentioned in previous blogs, keep your damn pants on! I will give you some proof.

Well perhaps this guy should find some new pants.

The second day of commuting to school, the trains broke down. I had to take a shuttle bus instead, wasting an additional hour of my time. Fast forward to 12 hours later, I am going to start my trip back home. I assumed they must have fixed the problem and the trains would be up and running. They still weren't. Luckily, someone just returned from dealing with the crappy shuttle busses and informed me that the trains were still broken before I took that route

Teleport your mind 2 days forward. Shockingly, the trains actually work on my way to school. Although the trains had no mechanically problems, my particular train was invaded by a lone zombie hobo. I kid you not. As the train was nearing the school, I heard a weird grunting noise. I looked around the train and could not figure out where it came from. About 15 seconds later, I could hear another slow grunting noise and located its source. It was some old guy, with bloodshot eyes, pinkish/black humongous bags under his eyes, and a thin layer of white colored beard stubble. He had a small duffel bag, so I was not sure if he was a homeless guy, simply a crazy lad that wandered onto the train, or somebody high on some type of drug or model airplane glue. Once the train stopped I had my answer, but until then I got the treat of hearing

"aargh. aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghaarrrrrrgh. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"

for the next 5 minutes.. As soon as the doors of the train opened when reaching my stop, this interesting character promptly marched himself over to the nearest trashcan and started digging around in it. I hope he found something nice. If he really was a zombie though, he would be disappointed since there were probably no brains in there.

On the way back from school, in the middle of the train trip the driver pulled to a stop and informed everyone to get out. He had no real reason just that his superiors told him to do this. We all had to get out and wait for the next train, while our previous train put up a sign "not in service" and slowly slinked away in the opposite direction. While this only cost me another 10 minutes, it was very annoying because it occurred during rush hour. I had actually managed to get a seat on the first train, but since the driver kicked us all out, on the next train I had the privelage of standing up on it for 40 more minutes. I have to carry a backback full of various school related crap, so it becomes quite heavy.

Well I should not just focus on the negative I guess. This new train I had to get on at least allowed me to experience something interesting. As we pulled into my stop, the train driver announced the stop in a Donald Duck style voice ( If you have no idea who Donald duck is… ) , continuing to make duck sounds for a few seconds after he announced the stop lmao.

Oh google image search, you teach me so many wonderful things. How else would I know that Elton John dressed up as Donald Duck at a concert?

Just Checking In (Randomness)

2009-11-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

I seem to have a pattern of posting a blog at least once a week. This time it has been over 2 and I have had nothing very interesting to blog about. So thought I would just say random crap happening to me and on my mind. I am sleep deprived and operating on 5 hour energy right now, so who knows what this blog will devolve into.

1. "(8:33:48 PM) ME: my bucholtz cannot contain the power of the flatulence caused by this mysterious potion
(8:34:08 PM) ME: the pandoras box of poo gas has been unleashed onto the cosmos!!!!"

I just really said this to someone seconds ago. 5 hour energy gives me gas.... Bucholtz is apparently a real town in Germany (sick freaks lol). This was discovred in Call of Duty 2: Big Red One on Playstation 2. It is one of the multiplayer maps. That particular map is pretty bad actually. One might even say it stinks....

When I typed Bucholz Germany into Google, this joker popped up.This guy should invest in a better fitting sweater.Why is his tongue out? His tongue should not be out. Buchholz + Scary German Guy with tongue out = A website I would never want to see, but the site probably is extremely profitable.

I am delighted to find out that buchholz is also the name of Red Sox Player LMAO. I want to be on his team. I could say "HEY, Buchholz get your head out of your ass!" or "Buchholz focus on your defense. Do not let any balls get past you!"

That jersey is suprisingly clean for someone named after such a vile region of human anatomy. I guess he did not want to reinfore stereotypes of buchholzesess being low in the hygiene depatment.

I wish I was enrolled at this school so much...

2. I recently have been watching random 1990s cartoons on Youtube. Such shows as "Gargoyles" and "Life with Louie" were watched alot by me as a kid. Shockingly these 2 cartoons are still entertaining to watch a decade later.

3. I have seen the worst television show EVER MADE. This travesty of a show is called "The Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!". Look. I like stupid humor. I like randomness. This show is soooooooo stupid and soo random that it is unwatchable and completely lacks anything funny. Please do not subject yourself to this terrible show. If you find this show funny I lose all respect for you as a person. I will never be able to understand the handful of people who think this show is some new revolutionary masterwork of sketch comedy. In reality it is a low budget show where 2 idiots wander around drooling overthemselves and make their show terrible because that is their whole joke. They make their parodies of stupid crap just as stupid and craplike as the things they are parodying. That does not make a good show. It is not clever. It is just stupid and craplike. This show makes me angry just thinking about it.

The anger I just experienced from thinking about this show at least made me momentarily forget about the gas attack I am fending off. This is the first positive thing I can say about the show.

4. I realized I am a procrastinator and that will never change. I waited until 7 hours before my history ****to start writing a 6 page paper. It was a book review of 2 secondary sources. I got it done and it turned out pretty well, but damn why must I stress myself out for no reason like this. O well.

5. I have put in over 60 hours into Demon Souls on PS3 in 2 weeks. That game is addicting. Level 5 in it is cheaply designed and made me dissapointed in the game since the rest of the game was fair and well designed.

6. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 on playstation 2 is insanely fun for some reason. I dislike skating in real life. But this game is very fun. I played it for many hours this weekend when I should have been getting ahead on that previously mentioned 6 page paper. I really like wallriding for some reason. Do people do that trick in real life? "Let's just ride my skateboard on a wall for no reason..."

7. It looks like the window in my room leaks water. It looks like there is mold underneath my window now. I think I will ignore it.

8. I recently got this shelf liner thing. It amazes me. I layed it down on top of my microwave, so my glasses and other things up there won't slide off and break. That thing works so well. You literally cannot slide any flat object layed on it. It is like some bizarre magic.

9. I watched that Dirty Jobs show on Discovery Channel for the first time. That host annoys me a bit. He tried ridiculing a supervisor on that show that he had never met before. He just kept making lametastic jokes that all the supervisor does is sit on his butt drinking cappuchino's. I find it funny and lame because he is just trying to appear to be an "average joe" like the workers on the show. Really, this guy probably makes tons of money and is more like that supervisor. Perhaps he is having pyschological trouble with this and needs to lash out at those resembling his income level lol. I don't know what I am talking about lol.

10. Mythbusters on the other hand is freaking awesome. They shot a frozen chicken out of a air cannon. It broke straight through 12 panes of glass. But, a thawed chicken could only break 2 panes of glass. Poor fellow. Also, the bigger guy on that show has a huge mustache. It bothers me. It always is scattered in different directions and is not symmetrical. I think it needz a trim. He reminds me of that old cartoon character guy with the giant red mustache. I cannot remember his name. He had a cowboy hat and thick eyebrows as well. Was he a cowboy? I don't know. Somebody fill me in on this. I think he was in some shows with bugs bunny. Was he texan? I think he was a short fellow.

My First RPG Since Pokemon Yellow On Gameboy

2009-10-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

I have never really been much of a rpg guy. It is not that I didn't like them, but I just thought it would take too much time and energy to get into them. My ps3 had been sitting around collecting dust for a few months and I felt like I needed to finally buy another ps3 game to put an end to that situation. I got a 25 dollar gift card to gamestop and had a very hard time deciding which new ps3 game I should get because I know I will not be buying another for a very long time. It was between Red Faction: Guerilla, Valkyria Chronicles, and Demon's Souls. I could not decide at all between the 3 so I just went into the shamestop to pick on the spot.

Crapstop made my decision easy because for Red Faction: Guerilla the only copies they had were the "new" ones where they violated the game by wripping off the plastic and taking out the discs. I refuse to buy "new" games.

The only copy of Valkyria Chronicles they had (was there the week before) was now gone too.

So, they had sealed copies of Demon's Souls and I picked one up. Although, I had to ask them for a sealed copy. The guy went and found one and then said "How come you want it sealed? Do you plan on never playing it? This really pissed me off. I said "well if I am going to pay full price for a game I want a copy that isn't already opened by your employees."

Anyways, I started playing it last night and played it about 6 hours last night and 4 hours so far today. It is very addicting and well worth the purchase in my opinion. I am a RPG noob, but even this games difficulty does not put me off very much. I think people greatly exaggerated the difficulty of this game. This game is about as hard as a good NES game, meaning there is lots of trial and error/pattern memorization. But, the difficulty is not cheap. When you die it is because you messed up.

I am still suprised I am liking a RPG so much haha.

Pictures of My Psychotic Gaming Setup

2009-10-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

I finally got a digital camera. Well, I kind of did. I just got a new cell phone with a camera phone in it. I never have had a real digital camera, just a few cheapo keychain digital cameras.

But yea, anyways I tooks some pictures of my gaming setup. Right now I currently have my NES,SNES,N64,GC,PS2, and PS3 all connected to my tv (pc moniter for the ps3) and all the consoles are plugged into an outlet and are ready to be played at a moment's notice. This results in the huge mess of wires you see below. There was lots of meticulous planning involved in the setup of my consoles, despite the tangle of wires left as as side-effect.

This monster of wires and electronics is concentrated in one corner of my room and along basically this entire wall. To the right of this photo you can see 2 surge protectors (just about every outlet is full on them). Not shown in the picture, but located to the right of these wires is my computer desk. I decided to be a maverick and store my computer on it lol. I connect my ps3 to use my pc moniter and PC speakers. My PC moniters is a 19 inch widescreen moniter. It gets hd quality about at 1080i, but since lcd moniters and hdtvs have different resolutions the image is stretched by about 11 percent vertically. I don't really notice this much. It still beats out sdtv by miles.

Moving to the left from the last photo slightly, you can see my 20 inch sdtv. It is nothing special, but is good enough for me right now. It was a budget model (did I really have to tell you?) from bestbuy that I bought 2 years ago. Weirdly enough, it has no headphone jack, yet has 1 set of component inputs. I use that to make my ps2 games look awesome on it. Although, I do wish my tv also had svideo inputs, since svideo cables are usually way cheaper for consoles than component are.

Also in this photo you can see my composite/svideo switch box. This awesome thing lets you plug in 4 composite inputs or svideo inputs and connect it to one composite or svideo jack on your tv. Even better, this model automatically switches to whatever device is turned on and makes it show up on your tv. So, I do not have to get up and manually slide a switch to play different consoles. I just turn on my console and tv and this sexy little box does the rest. O yea, I bought a second and it is on the other side of my tv lol. My tv has 2 sets of composite ins so one switchbox is plugged into each one.

Thos blue and yellow chords you see all over the place are all my internet chords. My ps3, ps2, and gc are all hooked up for online play. They connect to a switch located right behind that composite/svideo switch box.

O yea and that table that my tv is sitting on... 10 bucks from a thrift store. It is not particle board either. It is made from real wood and had a nice glass top. Hells yes for thrift stores

AAAAAAAH!!! A SNES NINJA! Where did he come from? How does he maintain his balance on top of that precarious top-of-tv ledge????

I shall tell you the secret ways of the SNES ninja. My SNES has figured out how to defy the laws of gravity! Well, not really. You see, on the bottom of the SNES there are a bunch of circular indendations where the screws are located. What I did was take a cheap black papermate pen cap and wrap it in scotch tape. Then I just crammed it up in one of the holes where the screw sticks in. This way the pen cap is attached to the SNES and hangs over the front of the tv, so the SNES cannot slide back. It allows us to enjoy many chuckleable laughs at the puny force of gravity which we have totally owned. I also stuck a little tape on the bottom of the SNES near the back for some added humiliation of gravity.

Moving further left and past the tv you will find my N64 and NES stacked on top of my plastic dresser drawers. The top of the dresser drawer has a raised edge so the systems are not in any danger of tumbling to their doom. It looks like I have Conker's Bad Fur Day (Contains the most evil teddy bears ever) stuck in my N64 and a bunch of random crap stacked on top of and around my NES lol.

Getting tired from this grueling 12 foot journey from the one corner of my room to the next ? Well too bad.

At the far left of the tv is my closet. Why I am I showing you my closet? Notice anything unsual or video game related about my closet? You don't? Well, that is ok buddy. It is very well hidden. Discretely covering the front of my closet door is a shoe holder. It works great for keeping my gaming stuff in an accessable location since I am really short on space in this tiny room. At the top, you can see I keep my PS2 controllers, NESc controllers, and SNES controllers. At the bottom all those squares are my entire NES collection which fit nicely in these pockets. You only see about half of the door and shoe organizer in this picture. Lower down I have more NES games, a bunch of n64 games, some SNES games, and a N64 controller stuck in this thing. The only downside to using this is that my closet door cannot close all the way because the hooks are too big at the top of the door. O well.

Well that is it. That is everythi...

Hey! What about your PS2, and GC you sneaky jerkbooger!

Fine, I will show you my genius setup for them. Just keep your pants on lunatic.

WELCOME MORTALS to my electronic batcave located under my tv.

This setup took a lot of planning out. In the back there is my printer and my vcr stacked on top of it. This is so low and far back underneath the tv that it is completely hidding when you are standing in the room. However, when laying on my bed the remote reaches my secluded vcr very well. My printer opens up on the front and that grey flap extends and lays flat in front of it for about a foot. I have to lift it over the GC, and it has about an inch clearance over the top of the PS2 and its wires. If I move either my PS2 or GC backwards or sideways at all it will block my printers, so I layed down tape on the floor to mark where the corner of each console should be located.

The 2 cylinder things at the front are just containers of blank cds and dvds. They are just serving as weights to hold that rolled up black tshirt in place. No, I am not punishing the t-shirt. I layed it there on the floor to act as a bumper to lint and other crap that likes to creep across the floor and terroize my consoles.

I know some of you may be on the verge of insanity from peering into the madness that is my console setup, but fear not I have provided some relief.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S1NFH3W2IM&feature=player_profilepage

Watch some cars get totalled in my Burnout 3 video for PS2. There is also a short (made in microsoft paint ) extremely crudely animated intro at the start of this video.

Zombie Killing in Timesplitters Future Perfect

2009-10-07T19:09:00.001-07:00

Time For Some Zombicide.

Here is a new zombie survival scenario I created using Timesplitters Future Perfect's mapmaker. It is similar to the last one, but works a lot differently. You get to shoot harpoons through zombies faces . I also was very very bored yesterday and made a creepy cool intro to the video. The photo is actually an altered version of me made to look like some disturbing zombie thing. Sorry for the emotional scarring it may cause you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUGAUtfkBBk&feature=channel_page

New Youtube Video (I promise it is not like the last one LOL)

2009-10-03T00:57:00.000-07:00

**Warning** Excessive Awesome Gore

Soldier of Fortune Gold Gameplay on PS2

I am sorry for that video from my last blog. I truly am. Although people's reactions were hilarious. I even made a thread on gamespot.com's forum about it haha. http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=27052766

Naughty British Dancing, it gets fiery near the end

2009-09-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vcun5XqM3c&feature=channel_page

Lol, sorry for making you watch that.

Is Cloning Human Beings A Moral Thing To Do ?!?!?!?

2009-09-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

Meh, who cares.

All I know is that is sure is fun to kill me some clones.

In State of Emergency on PS2 that is.

**Warning tons of cloney gore in these videos**

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9a-PawpNco&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ajXB2RCx4&feature=channel_page

Happen to notice that the second video's quality is like 50 times better than the first? Well, that is because I found a tutorial video on youtube that told me how to setup my capture device's software the best way. Now my 10 dollar usb capture device (Easycap) works as good as a high end one. Now all my gorey videos will be even more vivid!

Metal + Video Games = MindGasm

2009-09-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

I like heavy metal a lot.

I like video games a lot.

I was on youtube a week or 2 ago and found this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdnguG-K66Q&feature=related

Holy crap. Awesomeness.

I went nuts after finding this and favorited like 20 8-bit remixes of Metal songs. You can find them in the favorites part of my youtube channel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Lazyhoboguy

I also found this cool site that lets you rip the audio off of youtube videos so you can download it.

Hells yes.

http://listentoyoutube.com/index.php

College Is Taking A Dump In My Mind

2009-09-03T20:21:00.001-07:00

I have not been able to play any games on my consoles in over a week!

School started for me only about a week ago. Yet, since then I have been doing nothing but going to class and doing homework all day until I pass out at night. This has been happening every single day since school started. I am not even being lazy and procrastinating. If I do not get at least 80 pages of reading done in a night I will fall so far behind that it will be impossible to catch up with the readings for my classes.

me every day this week (well I am about 75% paler and have only worn a dress shirt maybe 5 times in my life)

Looking at the syllabuses for my classes, I realized that I would be following this same schedule for the entire semester...

Plus, there are fun things like projects and exams that would make the workload even more unbearable.

I think that I have to drop a class and take 12 units instead of 15. In order to graduate in 4 years you basically need to take 15 units every semester. If I kept all my classes this semester I would just spontaneously combust randomly mid-semester.

UGH though. If I drop a class I will have to be in college 1 more semester, meaning that my student loan will cost even more. But dammit! why do all these college professors act like they are the only class you are taking! 70 pages is the max that should be assigned for a 2 day time period. Yet, 2 of my professors like to increase that to 100 pages or more.

I am already losing my mind from a week of this tedious bull shit. Half the readings I force myself to get through are mentioned for 5 mins in the class. WTF, if the reading is not important for the class why do I have read 70 pages of it!!!!

Plus, this is all before I have even had to do any work for my history seminar course. This course basically involves a crapload of readings or a paper due every week. Plus I will need to write a 12-15 page paper for the class this semester.

I can feel myself turning into a crazy cat, delirous donkey, mental monkey, overworked ostrich, grumpy goose, pissed-off panda, enraged emu, because of all this stupid crap.

Like a dung beetle, I feel surrounded by shit

All work and no play....

leads to RED RUM!!!

A Great Weight Has Been Lifted From My Shoulders...

2009-08-23T04:10:00.001-07:00

NO, I was not decapitated. Although it would be pretty impressive if I managed to operate a computer and type an emmy -award winning blog (hey, the ps3 won an emmy for its controller, I kid you not Proof ) without my noggin.

The weight that was removed was a bunch of mind-numbingly bad video games.

If you are not a jerk / jerkette, perhaps you rember this blog?

http://lazyhoboguy.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-feel-slighty-less-dirtybut-shame.html

I sold off Soldier of Fortune: Payback quite awhile ago, but still had Madden NFL 06 for ps2 until today / yesterday (it is 3 am so technically it was yesterday, but still feels like the same day, you know what I am saying my fellow insomniacs? You Dont? Well Sir / Maam, you must be quite the poopsicle / poopsiclette !)

So, anyways... I visited a local / independent gaming store in San Francisco today. It is called star games and opened up last year. I just found out about it a few weeks ago and was eager to support a game store that wasnt owned by an evil corporation (*cough* gamestop and gamecrazy *cough*)

I had a backpack full of turd-like games that I needed to dispose of. They included these marvelous contributions to the gaming world! ( Intense Sarcasm)

NES

Back to the Future 2 and 3

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?

WWF WrestleMania

Xenophobe

(I also brought excitebike. It is not bad but I already have the gba version)

N64

Superman (Surely the greastest game ever made??? )

WCW Mayhem

PS2

Madden NFL 06 (DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE !!!)

Silent Scope

Socom (Not Trash like these other games, but I could not get into it.)

These craptastic games were cluttering up my apartment and I had decided to get rid of them once and for all. I thought that the guys / guyettes at this store would not buy back these terrible games, but I was wrong. They gave me 3 bucks a piece for about all those terrible nes games. They only gave me 1 dollar for some because they already had too many copies of them.

Also, Prepare yourself...

They Gave me money for this....

Look at his face! Even he is angry to be in this game! He even put a giant S on his chest which means "SUCKS"

Superman on N64

I received $3 dollars for this game. I still cannot believe this. I feel a little guilty to tell you the truth. I feel like I strangled an unsuspecting puppy or something. But o well, perhaps someone will buy it from them (bahahahahahahahahahah)

The guy said he couldn't take my copies of Socom and Madden NFL 06 for ps2 because they were too scratched (they sure were, thank you so much hollywood video customers) The thought of taking Madden NFL 06 back with me made me vomit a little in my mouth.

I started sweating profusely and felt lightheaded. My body could not handle that outcome. It seemed like it was revolting at the mere idea of me keeping that game. If I did keep it, I fear my body would refuse to function anymore. So, to save my own life I said "Well, you can have Socom and Madden Nfl 06 as a donation". I am so generous...

I am free of the curse of these wretched games! Unfortunately for this independent game store, Star Games now has both Madden NFL 06 and Superman on N64. I wouldn't at all be suprised to hear in the news that their store had spontaneously combusted ,or that an angry mob of video gamers had burned the store to the ground, or that having those 2 games in that store caused a portal to another dimension to open up ( a dimension where the only games ever made are Superman 64 and Madden NFL 06 ...)

When Rugs Attack! (I am lucky to be alive...)

2009-08-17T01:02:00.000-07:00

I had the most epic battle of my life tonight. 2 ill-tempered rugs entered my room. I needed to tame these wild linty beasts and put them on my floor. They did not wish for this happen. So, we had to enter a life or death struggle.

My room that I live in is very tiny you see. My stuff was already strung about the room, meaning it would be no small feat to get these massive rug monsters subdued down on the floor.

Rug # 1 was the bigger of the two. He was 4.5 ft by 7.3ft and was rolled into a massive bundle of rugmatter that was as tall as me. He was straight from the horrifcly sinister store called walmart and was bold and fearless because of it. He had never been forced to lie on the floor with some guy's furniture on top of him and he was not about to let this happen without a fight. He was a mysterious rug as well. His label read "Fiber Content: Made of remnants of undetermined fiber content or orgin." Who knows what foul poisons this rug could contain. He could sicken me with poison at any moment's notice (whatever a little unknown fiber content poison is ok for a $15 rug)

But I had no more time to ponder the mysteries of Rug # 1's origins for he was charging at me full speed! The massive fabric monstrosity had been standing up vertically in his rolled up state. He had made the bold move to tip himself over and try to land a devastating blow to my skull. But it was not to be because I dodged his daring advance and he fell to the floor. Like a rug turtle turned upside down, Rug # 1 was helpless and could not stand up again. Seeing my opportunity, I leapt into action. I unsheathed my razor sharp dagger (5 dollar scissors) and sliced open the tape holding Rug # 1 together in his rolled up form. I started moving furniture left and right to clear space for the rug before he regained strength (My plan was to stick Rug # 1 under my mattress, trapping him for all eternity on my floor. My fantasies of toasty warm feet this winter now looked like a reality.). With the furniture moved all that was left was for me to flip the mattress against the wall and hold it up so it did not come down and crush me. If it did, I would be squashed into nothing more than a chunky red goo.

I tried unrolling the rug underneath the mattress but there was not enough room for Rug # 1! He laughed and taunted me, but I was determined to shut this ruggy mother ****ing rug up once and for all. While standing, I leaned over so I was looking at the floor. I pulled the mattress from the wall and put it up on my back. Now I had the extra few feet needed to pull the rug to the wall and seal his fate. However, this mattress was insanely heavy to balance on my back, so I had to move fast. With a few painful and draining tugs on the rug I managed to get him pulled up against the wall. I got the mattress off of my back and slammed it down on the rug. Oh, he stopped laughing now....

Rug # 2's rugjaw dropped. He could not believe his comrade (hey perhaps they are communist rugs) had been defeated. He was much smaller in stature than his fallen rugbuddy, but he made up for his lack of size by being a crazy tough son of a *****.

With the adrenaline still fresh in my veins from my first battle, I turned my attention to Rug # 2. I planned to use this jerk under my table/desk to catch the food that falls off of it when I am dining on my delicious microwavable meals. Knowing that Rug # 2 was a neat freak, I knew he would not take kindly to my plan. He would rather die than live as a food-stained rug!

Wasting no time, I leapt on top of Rug # 2 and held up each leg of the table and slid more of Rug # 2 under it. I moved so fast that Rug # 2 had no time to react and remained motionless. I got him all the way under the table and let the table's weight restrain him. I thought to myself, "that was too easy". I noticed that 2 legs of my table were still on the hardwood floor. Horrified, I realized that Rug # 2 was too skinny for my table !!!!!!!! I came up with a fast plan though. I could slice and dice Rug # 2 until I cut off a large piece of him. Then I could flip him around and my table would fit on part of his dismembered rugcorpse! I got out a tape measure to help me make a straight line and I used a black marker to outline my intended incision zone. I pulled out my trusty dagger ($5 dollare scissors) again. They had helped me defeat Rug # 1 so I was confident in their rug slaying abilities. Even though Rug # 2 was very thick I went to work with my dagger(scissors).

Snip, Snip Snip. I was making slow progress. Suprisingly, Rug # 2 was not crying out in agony like I had expected. He remained eerily silent and I should have realized that something was not right. Oblivious to this warning sign, I continued snipping away at Rug # 2. All of a sudden my dagger's handle (cheap plastic scissors remember?) exploded into countless pieces which flew across my room. Dumfounded, I gazed at my dagger(scissors) and saw that it was now useless. Rug # 2 snickered at me for being so foolish. "No one can cut through me!!!", he boasted. For the moment it seemed like all was lost, but I remembered that the weapons shop was still open even though it was 11 pm! I rushed to the weapons dealer (safeway) to pick up another dagger (scissors). However, I saw something much more powerful than a dagger (Yep,scissors. Did I emphasize that the dagger was a pair of scissors enough? I don't thik I did. THE DAGGER IS A PAIR OF SCISSORS!!!!). At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but they were not. The legendary weapon which had spawned in a mystical garden 1000s of years ago was hanging on a rack before me. I grabbed the pruning shears and headed back to Rug # 2. He was nearly free from the table which held him down and threatened to give me severely bad rug burns once he was free. I told him to shut his lint-filled mouth and whipped out my new amazing weapon. He was speechless because he knew that he was now doomed. I continued slicing along the line I had drawn on Rug # 2. These new pruning shears/ insanely powerful weapon let me cut Rug # 2 in half! Blood and guts (lots of ruggy lint) leaked out of him as the life drained from his fabric...

Drenched in sweat, covered in wounds from my epic showdown with the rug monsters, and glad to be alive, I sat down and played some Punchout on the NES! Punchout really is awesome. Its not quite as epic as my previous tale of rug slaughter, but it's close.

I sincerely apologize for this blog. If you managed to make it all the way through this stupid piece of crap, congratulations you get no reward besides knowing I managed to waste a few minutes of your life! woopee!

I did not get much sleep last night, so perhaps this ridiculous blog was influenced by that, or perhaps I am just a little insane.

hOLy cRaP: tHeY aRe wAtChInG mE!

2009-08-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

If you are a very paranoid person or find yourself on the verge of schitzophrenia you may not want to watch this...

http://video.pbs.org/video/1051968443/program/979359664

After watching this I suggest taking a look at polsci's profile image (on gamespot.com) to complete your loss of sanity due to paranoia.

http://www.gamespot.com/users/polsci1503/?tag=tracked-blogs;user;1

This is a episode of nova that aired on pbs, you can watch the full episode here (theres a full screen mode too). (Yea thats right, I watch PBS, So fucking what!) It starts off talking about how crappy government agency bueracracies could have stopped 9-11, but since they have the mindsets of 5 year olds they refused to talk to each other because they wanted to get the attention for doing a good job.

This is also about some agency called the NSA. They are insane. You think you have privacy?? They burst into laughter until their undergarments are severely soiled with chuckle-induced, foul smelling, rear-end excrement when you think such a silly thought.

Sorry for the long run on sentences and terrible grammer but I have been up for 2 days with 5 hours sleep because I have been packing stuff and moving, o and I got a $4 svhs vcr today at a thrift store for any of you that know what that is, o and 5 hour energy made me really gassy today, o and I had in and out burger today and it was really quite delicious, o and if you actually finished this sentence you are a very patient person and should become a monk or something, o fine, here is a period to end this bestest mostest gramtically correct sentence everest (not the mountain everest, which I just read a book about recently it was called "into thin air" it was a decent read, but I mean the word ever + est , like it meant never - n + for in front of the word + the words out of in front of that, did all that math blow your mind?, it just blew my mine, pieces of it are all over the walls it is a real mess, didnt I promise to end this sentence a few lines ago?, I cant remember, o well) hey I think I have made a run-on paragraph, I did not know those existed, perhaps I created it with my sleep deprived genius, I am now a distinguished inventor apparently, Suck my balls Thomas Edison, time to run to the patent office.

Soon you will be like bart!

Timesplitters Future Perfect Online Videos + The Greatest Invention Ever

2009-07-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

I recorded my latest online game of timesplitters future perfect (ps2 version) that was played through xlink. You are probably sick of hearing about xlink, but too bad Timesplitters Future Perfect's real online servers are long dead but xlink allows this game and many others to be played online forever.

So yea here is 2 videos of my most recent game of this online through xlink.

Video 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EMJUryYLck&feature=channel_page

Video 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSoexrVUl9k&feature=channel_page

O yea, the greatest invention ever is shoes with velcro!! I bought my first pair yesterday. I never had tried on a pair before because I thought they would be uncomfortable. But man! I should have looked into these sooner. Now I can be even lazier! FUCK YOU shoelaces and the backbreaking labor required to tie you!

O, I also picked up a new slim ps2 for $100 bucks at Target. It is the silver 90001 model.

Video Game Finds at Thrift Stores

2009-07-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

SNES

Super Mario Kart $3
Mario Paint $3 (mouse for the game $1.50)

NES

Super Sprint $1
Back to the Future 2 and 3 $1
Super Spike V'Ball $1

Hey Look the governator of California is hiding on this game cover on the right side.

Top Players Tennis $1
Nintendo World Cup $1
Ice Hockey $1
Pro Wrestling $1
Captain Skyhawk $1

I got all of these like 2 days ago. The nes games came in 2 packs so I could not avoid getting a couple crap games like back to the future 2 and 3 and top players tennis.

About a week before this I also got these

NES

tetris $1.50
Bases Loaded 2: Second Season $1.50

My PS2 is very very sick...

2009-07-22T01:57:00.000-07:00

Something bad has happened. My ps2 is dying. The old sob has served me well for about 7 years but now it cannot read blue discs and is giving me disk read errors for them. I tried cleaning the lens and that did not fix it. My last option was to adjust a gear inside the ps2 to change the angle of the laser lens. I was working on that when I bumped the case of the ps2 and it disconneted a very important wire. With it disconnected my ps2 cannot turn on

I found some guides on how to reconnect that wire though. So I may be able to save my ps2's life still. If not I will be forced to pay full retail price for a new ps2

Also I found super mario world for snes for 5 bucks today at a thrift store!

Videos of Jak X: Combat Racing Online

2009-07-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

just posted up 2 videos from an online gameplay session I just had with this game. This game is for the ps2 and is basically a more violent/explosion filled mariokart with other crazy modes thrown in. This game has sadly had its online servers taken down meaning that it normally would be offline forever. However a program called xlink lets you do something called lan tunneling which basically tricks your ps2 into thinking other players are on your local area network when they could be across the world.

So yea here is 2 videos of my online game session through xlink.

(Video 1) Two Races

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQnhDAcTyfo&feature=channel_page

(Video 2) Deathmatch and Sporthunt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZHR42lO3R8

Red Faction 2 Video and Other Stuff

2009-07-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

I just got a vcr yesterday. It was $4 at a thrift store and works great.

I also put up a youtube video. It is of red faction 2 multiplayer gameplay against bots. I did it to test out how recording gaming footage to my vcr and then transfering to the pc would turn out. The quality doesnt look too much worse then when I I captured the video directly to the pc in my other videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KxclzjClKg&feature=channel_page

In other news, I just found out this week that I will be stuck on crappy wireless internet at my apartment next semester. I thought I would be able to get my own dsl connection. It just sucks since I do quite a bit of online gaming and wireless sounds like it will not work too great for that. My lease is 6 months though so I will have to just deal with it.

Zombies + Fire + Shotguns

2009-07-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

I used Timesplitters Future Perfect's Mapmaker program to design this "story" map. The game lets you basically create your own level. I made a zombie survival type scenario where I only have a slowly reloading shotgun to defend myself against a zombie onslaught. The longer I survive the more zombies spawn to kill me. If I survive long enough some crazy dude will pop out and light everything on fire. I think it turned out pretty well considering the limitations of the mapmaker program. Check out the video of me playing it by clicking the preview pictures or the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijr_Rjh-H-w

I feel slighty less dirty...but the shame still haunts me (originally posted on gamespot.com on 6/15/09)

2009-07-13T04:39:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am going to tell you guys something very horrible, it may change how you feel about me.

I bought Soldier of Fortune Paypack on ps3 about a year ago.

Why is my conscience so plagued by a video game?? Well , that is because this is one of the worst shooters ever made and I enjoyed it the first playthrough I was bored as hell that day so any game would have been good, but I still feel shame for having liked this game. After playing some better shooters again though I realized the terrible lapse in judgement I made in purchasing this. Yesterday I started the path to recovery by pawning this game off at a gamecrazy.

Please Everyone! Avoid this game! Yes sof 1 and 2 were great on pc, but this one is a different devloper. Not even the gore can save it. I read the reviews of the game before buying it, but I was young and naive, I thought "it can't be that bad" and "maybe the gore will still be fun" BUUT OOO HOW WRONG I WAS!

To give you an idea of how bad this game is, on the pc version people are so bored with the game that for its online they made a mod to make all the characters naked. They are all men. Now you see the destructive force that this game can unleash on society!

I may have finally removed this abomination from my gaming library, however another game I have still refused to release me from its evil hold. This game is Madden 06. I try selling it I do!! 3 Times I have gone to gamestops and gamecrazys hoping to get rid of this, but they say no. A new madden comes out every week so they do not buy the old ones. How do I get rid of it!! I don't have the heart to just throw away a game and I can't sell it.... you see the game is evil and will cling onto my gaming library leeching away its awesomness until I can get rid of it.

Somebody save me from this game, no not a game, a football simulation, it's not a game I tell you!!! I should not have to memorize 50 football plays to play offense ! I want to play a game!!! not learn a sport!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH

Public Restroom Wall Comedians (originally posted on 4/13/09 on gamespot.com)

2009-07-13T04:36:00.000-07:00

I have to use public restrooms alot when at my college campus. There is always some dumb ass who has written stuff on the inside of stalls, but I was actually impressed with one of these idiot's bathroom writings. One guy wrote in the spaces between tiles on the wall. You know on that white stuff (grout) between tiles. He wrote like 30 sayings where he substituted the word grout for other words. There were such gems like "o my grout!", "grout expectations", "grout wall of china", "Oscar the grout". There were tons of these all over the spaces between tiles. Kept me entertained for awhile. This guy must eat tons of fiber and spend a lot of time in the bathroom to have written these all down.

Damn, what a stupid blog haha. O well.